Page 12 of When I Awake

Thankfully, we walked straight past the fitting rooms and into Gwendoline Flowers’s private office. It was a fairly standard set-up, with a desk, a computer, and a couple of filing cabinets, but my eyes were fixed only on the white garment bag suspended on a rail.

I had expected a dress that had been unearthed in the shop’s basement to look dirtier and dusty, but the garment bag appeared spotless. It took a physical effort to force my attention away from it to focus on what Gwendoline was now saying.

‘Undeniably the fault is ours. After your tragic accident your family asked us to store the dress until such time as you were fully recovered, and the wedding rescheduled. Usually when weddings are postponed or cancelled we’ll hold the dress for a period of time and then, if the bride no longer wishes to take delivery of the gown, we’ll offer to either sell it or donate it to charity. But somehow your dress must have slipped though the net when the store was remodelled and it ended up in our basement. I really am so very, very sorry.’

Throughout her explanation Gwendoline had been walking ever closer to the garment bag. ‘Happily your dress is still in pristine condition,’ she assured us. Her long slim fingers with their blood-red nails were hovering beside the garment bag’s zipper. ‘Do you want to see it?’

I glanced at Chloe, before saying the words that I’d once intended to say to her husband. ‘I do.’

*

There was a small table in the corner of the wine bar’s courtyard garden. By the time I returned with two glasses of chilled white, Chloe had wiped the tabletop and chairs free of its scattering of cherry blossom that had fallen from a nearby tree. I was glad, because it had looked far too much like confetti, and I think we had both had enough of anything to do with weddings for one day.

I leant back in my chair and tilted my face up to catch the warmth of the midday rays. The courtyard was peaceful and a real suntrap and we were early enough to have it completely to ourself. It was a perfect balm after a morning that had been far more stressful than I’d expected.

Even though my dress was now safely stowed in the boot of Chloe’s car, it was hard to shut out the moment when Gwendoline had freed it from its bag, and with it all the memories that had inevitably come tumbling out.

‘Thank you for coming with me today, Chloe,’ I said, reaching across the wooden slatted table to give her hand a squeeze.

‘You don’t have to thank me. It’s what friendsdo.’

‘Well I’m lucky to have the exceptional kind, who stick around when things are tough.’

‘Speaking of friends who stick around,’ Chloe neatly segued, ‘Ryan mentioned that Mitch drove you up when you visited Faye the other week.’

‘Did he?’

‘Well actually he said,“That Hagrid guy”was giving you a lift.’

An old judder of irritation ran through me. ‘He’s not still calling Mitch that, is he? He knows how much it winds me up.’

Chloe took a long mouthful of her wine. Her head was turned away, making it impossible to read the expression in her eyes. ‘I don’t think it’s malicious, it’s just Ryan being over-protective and maybe even a little jealous.’

I spluttered inelegantly on my wine and ended up coughing so hard Chloe looked poised to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre.

‘Ryan is jealous of Mitch?’ I said eventually, spacing out each word as though that would make them more believable. It didn’t. ‘That is totally ridiculous.’

‘Is it, though? He protected you fanatically for years after the accident. Perhaps a part of him still thinks he has to.’

‘You’re talking about things that happened seventeen years ago. Ryan doesn’t have those kind of feelings for anyone but you now, any idiot can see that.’ I paused, waiting for the familiar dart to pierce my heart, the way it always used to. Nothing. Not even a twinge. ‘And why would he be jealous of Mitch, who incidentally already has a girlfriend.’ Strangely, this time Ididfeel a small stab of… something.

‘Mitch has a girlfriend?’ Chloe sounded incredulous, as though she must surely have misheard me.

‘Yes. Why it that so remarkable? He’s single and good company – great company actually. It’s not surprising he’s found someone.’

‘Actually, it kind of is,’ Chloe said, still looking confused. ‘Because it’s obviously thewrongsomeone.’ She was staring at me meaningfully and I suddenly felt like a bug on the end of a stick, right before the dissection begins.

‘What? You mean me? No way.’

‘When I was sick I seem to remember the two of you were really close.’

‘That was over ten years ago,’ I reminded her, suddenly aware that beads of sweat were trickling down my back. When had the day turned this warm?

‘But isn’t that what you’re always saying – what seems like a long time to everyone else is like yesterday to you?’

I hated her excellent memory and the fact that she was getting very close to the bone with her questions.

Luckily at that moment a large group carrying balloons and a birthday cake spilled into the courtyard, shattering the peace. I was about to suggest we got the bill, when Chloe drew in a deep breath, as though she was about to dive into dangerous waters.

---