Page 17 of Encore

“Flu my arse,” I add jokingly, that lightheartedness a momentary reprieve from the sudden swell of love.

It’s all I can do not to press the heel of my palm against my chest to rub at the ache there.

Instead, for the next few minutes I watch Tiny as she fusses over York, chatting to him quietly as Dax and Zayn start pulling food from the fridge to make a late breakfast, or is that an early lunch? The way she dotes on him makes my heart swell to almost painful levels, and I have to turn away, placing my mug in the dishwasher as a distraction. I’m not sure why I’m struggling today trying to keep a lid on my feelings, but I am.

It’s not that I don’t want to express my emotions, or am trying to hide them like I used to do before, it’s just that they feel really intense today, so intense that I’m not sure how they’re going to come pouring out of me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been worrying about York, maybe it’s just because every day my love continues to grow for Tiny and my best mates that it’s hard to keep those feelings contained. Either way, it’s a battle for me to keep myself together, and when my hands start to shake I realise I need to take myself out of the room and get myself under control.

“Shit, I just remembered I needed to send an email to the suppliers. Firm up what we discussed last night. If I don’t do that now, I’ll miss the deadline for delivery for the event in two weeks,” I say quickly.

“I thought everything was covered for that?” Dax asks as he takes the diced pepper from Zayn, and throws it into the pan, adding whisked eggs to make an omelette.

“It is, I’m just ordering more as a precaution. I’d rather have too much than not enough. This is a big deal for us and the club. We’ve never hosted a dance competition of this calibre, and with international dance crews battling it out, I want to be fully prepared,” I reply, folding my arms across my chest and hoping no one notices how fucking twitchy I am.

“Fair enough. Let us know if you need anything, or want to run through any plans,” Dax adds, before turning his attention back to preparing our lunch.

“Will do,” I reply, then stride across the room, avoiding eye contact with Tiny as York pulls her back into his arms, giving me the opportunity to escape.

* * *

“There you are,”Tiny says less than half an hour later as she enters our studio. “Dax saved you some lunch, but you better be quick because York has his appetite back and he’s been eying your portion for the last five minutes.”

“I’ll be there soon,” I reply, masking my growing anxiety by pretending I’m sorting shit out in the cupboard. Right now, I’m holding onto a length of silk that was stashed there some time ago after Clancy and the dancers from Tales borrowed our studio to do a dress rehearsal. I vaguely remember them wearing nothing more than swathes of silk. I hold it up to her. “I’m just sorting through this shit.”

“And you’re doing that because…” Her voice trails off as she approaches me.

“It needed doing,” I reply, my voice tight. “Just give me a minute and I’ll come eat.”

But instead of leaving she says, “Xeno, talk to me.”

I should’ve known better than to try to pretend that nothing’s wrong. She knows me better than anyone, and she always seems to have this sixth sense when I’m about to spiral.

Fuck, I love her for it. I really fucking do.

Theloveshe has for me is part of the problem,andthe solution.

“I’m good. I just need a minute to get myself together,” I say, realising it’s useless to try and pretend nothing’s happening.

“And I gave you several,” she replies softly. “I know when you’re feeling overwhelmed, Xeno. I recognise the signs. You don’t need to do this alone, but I gave you space to see if you could. You aren’t able to do that right now. So let me help you.”

“Tiny…” I warn, not because I think I’m going to hurt her, but because I’m losing my grip on my ability to hold back. I need an outlet, and fucking without restraint right now feels like it might be the only thing thatwillhelp.

Reaching for me, she slides her hands around my waist, hugging me tight as she rests her cheek against the centre of my back. When I get like this, she always allows me the space to try and manage my emotions myself. For the most part, I can do that, but today she knows as well as I do that physical touch and human connection is what I need the most. It isn’t always a sexual connection that I need either. Sometimes a hug and her undivided attention is enough.

Not today.

Today I need more.

But I’m also conscious that she spent the night making love to Dax and Zayn, and I’m not about to coerce her into having sex with me for selfish reasons, so instead I say, “If you stay, I’ll want to fuck you. It’ll be rough, Tiny. I won’t hold back, and I don’t want to assume you want that right now. So please, let me do this my way.”

Her arms ease from around my waist and she steps around me, her big brown eyes looking up at me knowingly. “You need me. I’mnotleaving.”

“Tiny, I can’t be gentle. Besides, you don’t owe me your body. I have no right to use you like that, and I certainly don’t want a pity fuck,” I grind out, my fingers wrapping around the length of silk in my hand, pulling it taut.

Her gaze drops from my face to my hands, her fingers pressing gently against mine. “When have I ever given you a pity fuck, Xeno? I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to help you work through these feelings.”

“It doesn’t matter. Fucking you in these circumstances would feel like one anyway. I’m not in my right mind,” I add, causing her to wince. “You know I don’t mean half the stupid shit I say. Ignore me.”

She nods, forgiving me instantly. “Then we need to find another way.”

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