Page 29 of Battered Moves

“Don’t worry, I get it,” I assure him. “I can get into the zone too while dancing.”

I look over his work again and laugh quietly.

“It must be nice to be this smart,” I say, rubbing his hands that are now holding me around my belly.

“Not really,” he says, huffing into my shoulder, and I turn to look at him.

“It’s not?” I ask, and he furrows his brows.

“For me, it’s the source of all my problems and Ryder’s suffering,” he says, leaning his temple to my shoulder. “I have a high IQ. Some people with a high IQ are also highly sensitive, which is the case for me, unfortunately. I experience everything in a much more intense way than most. I’m bombarded with stimuli every day, which can be pretty overwhelming for me.”

I feel dumb for not noticing this before. Sure, I thought River was a fellow introvert, but I never realized he was suffering.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say, stroking his cheek. “That must be difficult to handle.”

“Yeah, my anxiety is the thing I struggle with the most,” he replies with a huff before squeezing me. “It’s much easier to handle with you by my side.” That surprises me, since my anxiety eases when he’s near too.

“Really?” I ask. “I always thought you were the one grounding me.” I laugh.

“Seems like we’re good for each other,” he replies with a smile.

“We are,” I say, smiling back. “Is there something I can do to help you with this? Or something I should avoid doing?” I ask, feeling a bit unsure if I’m being too much or too rough with him or anything.

“No, you’re perfect,” he says, kissing my cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell you when something gets too much.”

“Don’t hesitate to tell me. I won’t be offended,” I say, and he smiles at me. “Why would your intelligence be a source of Ryder’s suffering?” I ask hesitantly, but still curious.River might think he’s responsible for Ryder’s hurting, but all I ever see is the love between them and how much they’re there for each other. I don’t understand it. He takes a deep breath.

“Ryder and I were in foster care since shortly after we were born, when our parents died in a car crash,” he starts, his fingers drawing patterns on my bare thigh above the hem of my yellow sundress. “We had a grandmother left from our mother’s side in Romania, but the paperwork was a pain in the ass, and somehow, she never made it to the US to claim us. While they were still trying to figure out who was responsible for us, we stayed in the system, unable to be adopted.

“That grandmother in Romania died when Ryder and I were six, and so we got cleared to be adopted. By this time, I was known as the shy but gifted twin, while Ryder was the loud, outgoing, and artsy kid.” He smiles. “Ryder sang all the time, and he made music with everything. When we were outside, he made himself whistles from a blade of grass, or he filled wine glasses with water and played whole symphonies with them.” I smile at that.

“I’m sure Ryder is gifted when it comes to music, but no one ever thought about testing that,” he says before biting his cheek, seeming lost in thought. “He had troubles in school though. He couldn’t sit still for long periods of time, and he was always daydreaming, unable to concentrate. He had to listen to the teachers telling him he should be more like me all the time,” he says, and I can sense where he’s going with this.

“It got so bad that Ryder started to rebel and intentionally behave worse. It was like someone pushed a button in him, and if his behavior wasn’t good enough, he just acted out instead,” he says with a cringe. “His acting out and grades hindered a lot of adoption inquiries, but I didn’t care because we’d already found Jaxon and had sworn to stick together. I was happy when the families rejected us, but a lot of them told us and our foster family that they would have taken me but not Ryder,” he says, and my mouth falls open in shock.

“How could they say something like that?” I ask, and he shrugs.

“It was horrible, and every time it happened, I watched Ryder’s self-worth crumble more. He put on a hard façade, but I could feel when he was upset, and it did a number on him. He still struggles with his self-worth today,” he says, and I can sense the pain in his voice.

I already had an inkling that this was a problem for Ryder, but hearing the reason behind it is still hard.My poor Ryder. He’s so talented, kind, and amazing.

“One day, when we were about eleven, a couple came and took me away. My foster mother was fucking angry about it, but the responsible authorities were convinced that it would be beneficial for me to spend my childhood with a family who could get me more resources and support for my gifted status, away from the brother who pulled me down,” he says, andI can sense the bitterness in his voice. I just stare at him, my eyes wide and unable to blink.

“What the…?” I mutter, and he nods in agreement.

“They wanted to adopt me and showed me a big room in a big house with everything I ever dreamed of, but I couldn’t do it. Chase, Jaxon, and Ryder were my family, not those strangers,” he says, and I can see the determination in his eyes. “So I refused to eat, drink, or speak. They finally had to return me to our original foster family because my health was in danger, but when I got back, I found out that Ryder had done the same. He was suffering just as much without me. They never tried again, and we never got adopted until we aged out of the system,” he finishes, and I can feel the pain in his words.

“Ryder still thinks he’s responsible for me not having the best childhood or life possible. He can’t see that all I ever needed to be happy is to spend my life with him and the guys,” River says, stroking my hair. “And now with you too,” he adds, his eyes flicking to my lips.

I lean in to kiss him, and he hums, pecking my lips two more times before leaning back into his chair.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” I say, my heart feeling heavy.

“Don’t be,” he replies with a smirk. “It brought us to where we are today, and I’m really enjoying life right now,” he says, squeezing my knee.

* * *

River

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