Page 21 of The Nephilim's Finesse

7 Victorija

He had been honest with me when he told me about his dead mate. His eyes had been pools of darkness, and the faintest glimmer of sadness swam beneath the surface. He had told me his story, a story that had pained him to remember—to say aloud—but he did. He had opened up to me, allowing himself to be vulnerable, and it made me feel even more connected to him. I could still feel the weight of the moment and understood the gravity of what his decision meant for us both. I could sense how difficult it had been for him to share this memory with me, and I had a chance to give something back. Out of gratitude, I decided that he should at least have one question he could ask me.

I put the DVD into the player and promised myself that I would watch the video, no matter how it made me feel. It was at least a guide for me. After the initial bashfulness, I watched with astonishment what the woman did with this vibrator, how she moved it around her most private parts, how she inserted it into her. The whole time, she moaned and groaned, arching her back, her face full of delight. Watching her did things to me. My heart beat faster, my breath accelerated, and heat pooled between my legs, similar to when Raph told me what he wanted to do with me. There was an ache between my thighs, and I wanted to explore this further. Letting the telly run, I took the dark brown vibrator Raph and I had explored and went to bed.

Putting the cover over me, I turned the thing on and put the vibrating toy between my legs. Mortified, I squeezed my eyes shut. Hopefully, he wouldn't watch me. I'd die of embarrassment. The vibration was comfortable; I moved the tip around my sensitive flesh but didn’t need to moan like the woman in the video. She pushed the thing in and out of her. All right, maybe this was the clue. I put the tip on my entrance and moved it towards me. Pain and memories pushed into my head. All those monsters who raped me, who'd push inside of me without my consent. How could this be pleasurable? It was horrible, that was all. I shook my head and turned it off. Maybe I did something wrong? Maybe I had forgotten a crucial step? Yet, I did everything the woman in the video did, and it still didn't work. There was only one person I could ask, and the thought alone made me crawl under the cover and hide.

“One question.”

Raph had his arms crossed over his chest, which only accentuated his muscles further, and stared at me.

I blushed in anticipation. This was so humiliating. I thought about it for two days straight. Using the time, I watched the other videos as well, and I felt the arousal when I observed those people having intercourse and the women having fun, so why wasn’t it possible for me? Raph obviously knew how to please a woman, and I was curious about that feeling. I heard from several women over the centuries that it could be the best feeling in the world. I wanted to know why those women had to scream so loud; what feeling was so strong that they couldn't hold back?

“Could you show me how it’s done?” I couldn't look up into his eyes and hid behind my curls. Silence greeted me.

After a minute of intensely looking at my feet, his voice let me look up. “Tell me what I should show you.”

“How I get an org—a pinnacle.” After more silence from his side, I looked up and saw astonishment in his eyes. He was going to laugh at me and make fun of how inexperienced I was. Or, even worse, he would call me a whore, that he knew what a jezebel I was.

“Of course. Tell me if you want me to touch you or if I should guide you with my voice.”

My eyes went wide, and I felt my cheeks turn hot. On the one hand, I wanted him to touch me, but I was so scared that he would hurt me like all those men before him. That he would take advantage of me. That I was helpless, at his mercy. That I had to endure the pain, the humiliation, until he was done with me. That he would laugh at me, tell me that I should feel honoured, that I liked this even if I didn’t.

“Only your voice,” I whispered.

He nodded, took a vibrator and a tube, and placed it on the nightstand next to the bed. Then he took a chair and positioned it five feet from the bed. Raph sat on it, his leg wide, his hands in his lap. Calmness radiated from him, a silent reassurance that he would stay where he was.

“I want you to sit on the bed.”

I gulped, walked over from the seating area to the bed, and sat on it. Nervously, I clutched my hands together.

“Take your trousers and your panties off.”

I hesitated. Yes, deep down, I knew that I had to undress before him if he would show me this, but now, at this moment, I didn’t know if I could do it. Would he jump at me the moment I was half-naked?

“I’ll stay exactly here in this chair until you tell me otherwise. I won’t touch you until you tell me to.” His brown eyes held sincerity, and I bobbed my head in understanding.

He was candid, and I slowly undressed after a moment of hesitation. I had asked him to show me, after all. Not taking my eyes away from him, I stepped out of my trousers and then pushed my knickers down. I pressed my thighs together, covering my hands over my sex. He nodded approvingly.

“Good. Get onto the bed and take the vibrator and the lube. Put lube, about a thumbnail, on the tip of it. Very good.” He nodded. “Now spread your thighs and put the tip to your core.”

Holding the vibrator in my hand, I looked at him, horrified. If I spread my thighs, he would be able to see everything of me, like I could with the woman in the video. He looked at me, watching, waiting. He didn’t rush me; there was no desire in his eyes, only encouragement. I didn’t have the feeling he'd jump me the next second, so I slowly opened my legs.

He inhaled sharply and moved a hand over his face. Gulping, he needed a second to collect himself. Did this view affect him so much? Just to look at me? Raph leaned back in his chair and nodded.

“Spread the lube all over your lips.” His voice sounded deeper, more hoarse.

I did this while watching him. If he came towards me, I could defend myself. I wasn't chained, so I could kill him when he came too close. He moved his hand to his groin, and I stilled. Would he jerk off in front of me? Was I just his live porn? He adjusted his erection in his black jeans, then removed his hands and folded them over his stomach.

Relieved, I continued my movement.

“I don’t feel anything.”

His facial expression, indicating that he was clearly thinking otherwise, hushed over his face before he could regain control. He gulped.

“Turn the vibrator on. Then move it around, feel where it feels good and where you don’t feel much. Stay where it feels the best.”

I did for the next few minutes, my eyes locked with his. There were places where I felt nothing, but in one place, it was great to feel those little vibrations adding to my arousal. I exhaled to release the tension, and a small moan escaped me.

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