Page 46 of The Nephilim's Finesse

He circled me, took my hands in his, and looked me in my eyes. “You’re my life,” he answered with all sincerity.

I sighed. How should I explain that this was nonsense, would lead to nothing, and had no value or advantage? Love was an illusion, bringing out the worst in people, only to hurt them in the end.

Eldred pressed his lips together and lowered his head. “I hate that you think that I’m weak because I love you.”

“Because you are. You’re vulnerable. You’re susceptible to blackmail, doing reckless things, like today.” I shook my head disapprovingly.

“But I’m also stronger. I’m braver, and I’m fuller. I understand that you don’t share those feelings, but one day, you’ll understand.” His smile was genuine.

"Doesn't it bother you that I don’t return your feelings?”

“Of course, I wished it to be that way. Nevertheless, I can’t make you feel for me. For now, see me as your most faithful servant, doing anything that you need. Always.”

Until I would hurt his feelings, which would happen eventually. Rejected lovers were always the worst. I had to be careful with him. But for now, I knew I could trust him with my life; that was worth something.

When the mist of my memory lifted, I saw Raph sitting in a chair, his hands covering his face.

I shifted, making him aware that I was back in the here and now. “And it goes on and on and on," I said softly. "What comes around goes back around. A witch killed a vampire, and I slaughtered warlocks and Nephilim; a vampire killed a young witch; you butcher a dear vampire. It’ll never stop…”

His brown eyes were hard on me. “You could stop it.”

I snapped my head up to meet his gaze. “How? By being imprisoned by you?”

Raph leaned back in his chair and tilted his head. “No, by swearing to never attack us again.”

Fury boiled within me, and I had to clench my jaw tightly in order not to scream. I shook my head. “Why can’t you see this? We’re abused and slaughtered for sport, yet have no rights or recognition in the magical community. What you're doing is unfair to us. You mistreat us. You are responsible for this war. We only try to live a decent life and be respected instead of being kicked or killed because of what we are. Why can’t you see that we only fight for our rights, the rights that you have naturally? Why can’t you see that you’re mistaken?”

Tears were welling in my eyes, and a tightness filled my throat. “Please, Raph, give us a chance to be equal. Please understand that I can’t give up on our dream. That I would betray my friends, my charges, myself.”

He stared at me for what felt like an eternity, his eyes cold, before asking quietly, "Should I pay my debts now?"

Was that all he had to say about it? Not giving me the respect to even recognise our needs? To bargain for it? Ignoring my demands and my wishes hurt more than anything else. It was as if he had pushed a dagger inside of me and twisted the knife, reopening old wounds and leaving me feeling raw and exposed. The pain was almost physical, radiating out from my chest in waves. I wanted to lash out, to hurt him in the same way he had hurt me, but all I could do was retreat into myself and try to protect my shattered heart. My stomach was in knots, and I sank to my knees. I shook my head and whispered, "Take this as a price for your victory today." Turning away from him, I curled up into a ball, overwhelmed by grief and unable to hold back the sobs shaking through my body.

I wanted to mourn my charges, Eldred, the vampires who kept me company for centuries, where I had so many memories of them. Trapped in my despair, I thought of all those who had died in vain—Eldred, vampires who had become dear friends over centuries...gone forever due to this senseless war. All of them were gone now, victims to fight for a greater cause, slain by bloodthirsty Nephilim, witches, and warlocks. My enemies, yet I craved the company of one of them, wanted him to understand, to support me. But of course, he wouldn't. Again, life showed me never to trust anyone or set hope in someone other than myself.

Eventually, I heard Raph walking away, leaving me alone in tears and sobs.

14 Raph

When we formed our circle of three, we discussed that Nate would be responsible for the younglings, a task he took seriously and put his heart into. Three weeks ago, we received a list from the angels containing names of women throughout the UK who would or had already given birth to a Nephilim. Nate had started to visit those mothers to either collect the children and make the mothers forget about them, to live their mundane lives again, or—and this was new—to join us here in London and live among us. The first one, Nancy, a Chinese woman in her twenties, would come and visit us during the holidays.

After the mess with Eldred and the kidnapping, I had no desire to show a human around and convince her it was best to agree to raise her son Hao within the brotherhood. We had never done this before, but Nate wanted to give it a try. We both knew it wasn't a decision she could make. We'd take the young Nephilim if she wanted or not— protecting our own was the most important priority—but Nate wanted to see if it would work out by itself.

He asked me if I was willing to show her around with him, and I waited at the door of the headquarters while he picked them up from the train station.

The foyer was adorned with festive decorations. The familiar smell of incense mixed with the sweet scent of gingerbread cookies and pine needles from the freshly cut tree which stood proudly in the corner. It was decorated by the teen Nephilim, and I remembered how much fun they had flying around the tree and decorating it. Their laughter reverberated through the entire building. Maybe we needed more of such ordinary pastimes than slaying vampires. And perhaps it was good for me to occupy my mind with something other than Victorija. Nate was a cunning bastard. It nearly broke my heart when she knelt there, crying. I was overstrained by the situation and didn't know what to do, so I stood rooted to the spot, watching her sob for another man. It broke my heart to see her suffer, but my jealousy got the better of me, and so I left.

Nate opened the door when they finally arrived, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Welcome to the brotherhood," he exclaimed, warmth emanating from his words, and let Nancy and her three-year-old son Hao in.

“How was the journey from Manchester?” I asked to make small talk.

“Fine, thank you.”

As Nancy and Hao entered the foyer, their eyes widened at the sight before them. The high-ceilinged room was adorned with garlands of evergreen branches, red and gold ribbons, and twinkling lights. The towering Christmas tree was covered in unique ornaments of all shapes and sizes and had a bright star on top. It was clearly a brilliant job done by the Nephilim kids. Soft holiday music played in the background, and the occasional sound of laughter and conversation drifted to us from the members of the brotherhood gathered around tables laden with food and drink.

"We're honoured to have you here," Nate said solemnly.

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