Page 43 of P.S. I Dare You

When I open my eyes, Calder is scratching at his temple, staring off to the side, lost in thought. I don’t dare ask him what he’s thinking about. When he comes to, he peels his shirt off and makes his way toward me.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

Reaching for my hand, he pulls me in and closes the door behind me, and before I have a chance to protest, his mouth is crushing mine and my back is against the wall. The taste of salt and mint mingles from his tongue to mine, and his fingers curl around the nape of my neck.

“What’s this for?” I ask.

“For being loyal,” he says, his lips grazing mine. Sliding his hand over mine, he leads me to his room. “Take off that dress.”

Calder steps into the bathroom, and a moment later I hear the spurt and spray of the shower. When he comes back, he’s completely naked and I haven’t removed a single stitch of clothing.

“Need some help?” He presses his body against mine, his hot mouth against my neck and his hands working the side zipper of my pencil skirt.

My body is already surrendering, heart in my teeth, warmth between my thighs, lungs gasping with tiny, anticipatory breaths.

I peel out of my blouse and lay it neatly on the edge of his bed, working my bra next. When I’m completely stripped down, Calder slides his hand in mine and I follow him to the shower.

Rivulets of hot water slide down my body, creating streams between my breasts as he lowers to his knees. I brace myself against the tiled wall as his fingers tease my clit before the velvet wetness of his tongue follows.

It’s funny how far we’ve come.

I’m going to miss this.

I’m going to miss my time with him …

I WRAP A TOWEL around my waist as Aerin searches under the sink for a blow dryer. The shower completely obliterated her hair and makeup, but she didn’t complain once, and I’m certain that if I asked her, she’d agree it was worth it.

Passing my nightstand, I glance down at my phone out of habit.

Six missed calls.

All of them from Marta.

She’s probably looking for Aerin on my father’s behalf, so I press the number to call her back.

“Calder?” she answers in the middle of the first ring. “Oh my God. They just took your father to Lenox Hill. He had a heart attack.”

I can tell from her voice she’s shaken.

“Thanks for letting me know, Marta.” I end the call, numb.

“Was that Marta?” Aerin asks, voice far too chipper for this strange little moment. “I can’t find a blow dryer, by the way, which means I’m going to look like a poodle by the time this thing dries, which means I can’t go out in public, which means—”

“My father just had a heart attack.”

She gasps, lifting her hand to her mouth. “Calder.”

Aerin goes to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pressing her cheek against my chest. I don’t move, don’t hug her back.

“Come on, let’s get dressed. I’ll go with you,” she says, slicking her fingers through her wet hair and combing it into place.

I knew he was terminally ill, but the heart attack was something I never saw coming.

“What are you waiting for? Get dressed.” She shimmies into her panties. “Calder. You’re going, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“You have to go. If not for him, then for you.” She places her hand on my arm, her dark eyes laced in the kind of compassion and sympathy that makes me feel unworthy. “You won’t regret going, but you might regret not going. Choose your regrets, Calder. Choose them wisely.”

Without saying another word, I grab jeans and a t-shirt and she finishes getting dressed.

“I ordered an Uber. It’s three minutes away,” she says when we’re done.

Two minutes later, we’re dashing down the stairs. A minute later, we’re climbing into the back of a red Toyota. Twenty minutes later, we’re sitting in the ICU waiting area and she takes my hand in hers, not saying a word.

The pastel hospital walls. The nurses in thick-soled sneakers. The eerie calm mixed with the distant beep of machines. It all comes back to me at once, and just like that I’m twelve again, sitting alone in a waiting room, waiting for the nurses to tell me it’s okay to go back and see her.

I snap out of it and come back to the present moment.

I’m not alone anymore.

This time, I have Aerin.

HE’S BEEN BACK THERE almost two hours. That’s got to be a good sign. I can only imagine what’s going through his mind right now, how he’s reconciling everything in a way that he’ll be able to live with many years from this moment.

“Ma’am, your phone is buzzing.” An elderly gentleman sitting across from me in the waiting room points to the little table next to where Calder was sitting before the nurse took him back.

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