Page 46 of P.S. I Dare You

I called the office just past eight this morning and got her address from Paula in HR. I had no idea where Aerin was staying—all this time I never thought to ask and it never came up. I figured she was holed up in some hotel in Midtown, but all this time, she was a ten-minute walk from me, staying with her brother.

Rapping on the door, I call her name. “Aerin? You home? Open up.”

All I want to do is explain.

I could’ve sent it all in a text, but who would believe that? She’d just think I was trying to cover my ass. I want to tell her in person. I need her to hear it in my voice and see it in my eyes.

I knock once more but no one answers. A third try proves just as futile.

It’s all right.

I’ll keep trying. I’ll find her. I’ll explain.

For the first time in my life, I know everything is going to be all right.

Leaving her building, my phone lights up with a call from Lisette.

“Lisette, hey, what’s going on?” I answer.

She greets me with a sob and a sniffle. “He’s taken a turn for the worse.”

I’m not sure how much worse it can get than “zero brain activity.”

“You should probably come now,” she says. “They’re saying I need to make a decision, but I think you should be a part of this too. He’s your dad, you know?”

Dad.

I wouldn’t call him that.

A dad is someone who plays catch with you, never misses a game, and teaches you how to change the oil in your car.

Calder Welles was only ever a father. Formal and distant, reigning his kingdom with his black AmEx and a secretary to field his calls.

“I’m on my way.” I hang up and order a ride.

All these years, I wanted to tell him off one last time. Now all I feel is … numb. And broken. And for the first time, for reasons that have nothing to do with my father.

I head to the hospital because it’s the right thing to do and when I get there, I’ll say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.

After that? I’m getting the hell out of there.

And finding her.

THE SIDEWALKS HAVE EMPTIED since the morning rush, and I make my way back to the apartment with a coffee in one hand and a chocolate croissant in the other. It feels wrong not to be in the office right now. I’ve never missed a day of work in my life. It almost makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

By the time I get home, I’ve already finished half my coffee and Lillie’s name is flashing across my phone screen. I dump my keys, purse, and brown paper sack on the counter before rebalancing my coffee and answering the call.

“Hey,” I say.

“Did you hear?”

My stomach drops. “No …”

“They’re pulling the plug on Mr. Welles today,” she says, her breath airy and soft. “So sad.”

I take a seat at the counter, and all I can think about is Calder and everything he must be going through today. He made it no secret that he and his father had a difficult relationship, but this still couldn’t be easy for him.

“The funeral is going to be Friday,” she adds. “Or that’s what they’re saying. I guess we’ll know more by tomorrow.”

As furious as I am at Calder and as shady of a businessman his father was, I need to be there. It’s the right thing to do.

I have to choose my regrets.

I’M SEATED AT MY father’s desk Thursday morning, one of his favorite gold pens pressed against a yellow legal pad.

We pulled the plug yesterday.

Lisette had the nerve to ask me to write a eulogy. Apparently, she hasn’t been around long enough to know our complicated history, and evidently I’m not strong enough to tell a crying woman that I barely know that she’s asking for the impossible.

What can you say about a man who faked having some mysterious terminal illness to get his son back in his life? Who traded his wife for all the riches in the world and died with nothing of real value?

The more I ruminate on the old bastard, the more I realize I couldn’t be sad about this if I tried. But not because I’m cold and unfeeling—but because I already mourned the loss of his relationship over a decade ago.

Calder Welles had three great loves in his life: women, money, and WellesTech. A classic narcissist, Calder was a self-indulgent man child who often prided himself on undercutting the little guys. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to get what he wanted, and that included faking an illness and lying about impending business deals. An avid bullshitter, Calder was skilled at appearing to be a family man …

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