Page 52 of The Burnt Heart

“Go on, don’t hold back on my account.”

The amusement dropped and Jonah shook his head. But I didn’t move, the frustration whirling inside of me baying for blood. Jonah looked at my fists, scarred and scabbed. He sniffed.

“That’s sloppy. You should know better.” His words tipped the animal that prowled inside of me, and I launched myself at him. But Jonah had me slammed up against the wall, his thick fingerswrapped around my throat. He squeezed in warning, nothing showing through the blank expression.

“Stupid. Reckless. You’ll get her killed if you can’t deal with your anger. I’m not your goddamn enemy. Who took your juice up for you? I let you trail her like a shadow, and don’t say shit. I’m trying so hard to help you idiots and you can’t even do the bare minimum.”

He let go of me with a disgusted curse. I rubbed my throat and let out a gravely laugh.

“Wow, Jonah. I’ve never heard you talk so much.”

“The only thing Ray has over you is his name and practice. You could change one of those things. I’ll even teach you idiots.”

He stared at me, but I didn’t understand what he was saying. The hallways seemed to shrink in on us. The mention of Ray’s name hit a raw wound inside of me, the part that didn’t feel good enough for Adelaide. The small child standing in front of a locked fridge with a growling stomach. Who didn't want to be weak anymore, but powerful and unbeatable. In control, rather than controlled. Ever since we lost Adelaide I'd been spiraling in that familiar space, powerless to change the things I needed to.

“What are you saying?” I narrowed my eyes.

“You want to be with Adelaide? You need to be an actual part of her life. The only way the teasing will stop is if you prove you can handle yourself. I’ll teach you to shoot, fight, whatever you need to put your bruised ego away.”

I froze, the cool wall seeping through my back. Adelaide had never wanted us to be involved in the darker side of her world. We’d already been through enough, she’d assured us. But I always wondered if she was ashamed of us. My heart lodged in my throat.

“She doesn’t want us to,” I muttered, and Jonah let out a low bark.

“If that’s what you want. I thought you’d do anything to get her back.” We both froze as Adelaide walked into the hallway, her eyes widening as she looked at us. Her nostrils flared as she strode past us. Her sharp scent washed over me as she strode into the bathroom. Jonah shook his head and left. I couldn’t move, indecision tossing at my insides. Did Adelaide want us to be like Ray, but she was too afraid we couldn’t do it? It had always been something I had accepted. But now I needed to know. I pushed off the wall and ducked into the bathroom. Adelaide was washing her hands.

“This is the ladies,” she sniffed. My body ached with want for her, skin tingling for her mark. Underneath my skin was the sharp prick of a thousand knives. The torment was inescapable. Unless I pounded it out on someone else’s face. Unless my knuckles broke under the pressure, blood like penance. But nothing could compare to Adelaide’s touch. I spun Adelaide around and melded her to the bench. Her pupils dilated and her plump lips fell open in surprise. My hands clamped on her hips, and I hoisted her up, my body settled between her legs in moments.

“I wouldn’t recommend it.” Her jaw clenched, but she didn’t immobilize me like I knew she could. The heat from her thighs was luxury, more than I deserved. But she didn’t fight me like I expected.

“Why did you keep us separate from your work? Were we not strong enough? Did it shame you to have three guys who couldn’t protect you the way you deserved?” The rawness in my voice must have given her pause because she shook her head. The indignation slipped for a moment. Her hands hovered in the air before pressing against her stomach. The scars bothered her, a reminder of her mom. She hadn’t been a part of Adelaide’s world either. It had been the end for her.

“It wasn’t anything like that.” Her fingers clutched at her shirt, scrunching the material. Her eyes flashed at me, momentary lapse in judgment recovered. She shoved at me until I let her down. I cracked open, all my mess, fears and insecurities spilling out on the cold white tiles of the bathroom. Adelaide was trapped between me, and the bathroom bench and I leaned in, dizzy for the comfort I knew only she could give. She wriggled against me, soft and lush curves that my body responded to. My mouth slanted over hers, swallowing her abrupt shocked gasp. Her taste exploded over my lips. Velvet butter and brown sugar crystals dissolved on my tongue. I angled my head, ravenous for more. Deeper. Desperate. She didn’t return the kiss, but her fingers scraped the back of my neck. I shuddered as she gouged them in, the bite welcome. Until her teeth clamped on my bottom lip. She was ferocious, tearing at my skin like I’d torn her heart. I could taste the venom in her bite, the warning. Her hands shoved me away, and hot metal flooded my mouth.

“Don’t touch me again.”

She didn’t run from the room, turning to wash her mouth and adjust her hair. It was perfunctory and cold, the way she wiped me off her body. I mourned it, even as my lip throbbed with the sharp sting of her ownership.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” I apologized, hand curling out and hovering in the air. She looked at me through the mirror.

“All I ever wanted was to love you. It was you who ended it.” Her eyes flicked to my scrunched fists, the wounded knuckles. Her expression softened. The regret hurt me more than her teeth. “Move on Jesse. You were right to end things. We never could have survived. Find a sweet girl who will tend your bruises, not give you an opportunity for more.”

She left me staring at my reflection. My tongue prodded at the scarlet mark on my lip. It burned at my questing. Adelaide thought there was someone else out there who would suit mebetter. Someone safe and soft. Did she not know I would do anything for her fire? Everything I had done had been to keep us together. I smeared the blood with my thumb. Hypnotized by the proof of my vitality. How could I bleed when I felt so dead inside? I thought of Jonah’s words and the numbness became resolute. I ground my teeth.

There would be no moving on. But I would try something different. I needed to find Jonah and accept his offer.

26

Adelaide

Lara pried the lid off the ice-cream tub before we’d even left the store and I gave her side-eye as she juggled the treat and fished a spoon from her handbag. The sidewalk was crammed with people, but she didn’t seem to struggle to dodge the incoming crowd and also load up her spoon.

“We’re doing this, are we?” I asked, as she dug in with a determined look. Her lips wrapped around the raspberry swirl, and she moaned with low delight.

“Addy, I need this,” Lara declared as we walked from the corner deli back to her apartment building. I protested as she angled the spoon my way before giving in. Cold, velvety ice cream coated my tongue. The spoon slipped through her fingers, but she snatched it up with abnormally fast reflexes.

“Woah good catch. This ice-cream is yummy,” I agreed, “but why do you need this? I’m the broken-hearted one. The only broken thing you have is your vagina from all your many men who want to hit it.”

“Pretend to girl boss this break-up all you like, missy, but I am not above smothering my feelings in frozen dairy. How do you juggle three men? It’s exhausting.”

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