Page 17 of I Promise You
Danny and my mother have been spending more time together recently, and it comforted me knowing they’re creating a relationship. They never got a chance to get to know one another.
“Mija, your food is going to get cold. You need to eat.” My mom looks up from her seat with a spoonful of red rice in her hands an inch from her mouth.
She looks at me, up and down, as if she’s waiting for me to fall apart on the table.
I’m empty but agitated. I don’t mean to seem ungrateful for my mother’s help the past few weeks, but my anxiety and depression won’t let me eat, and it’s pissing me off. I can’t eat like I used to. It frustrates me, just like it frustrates her.
She gives me a look of concern. Danny wipes his mouth with a napkin, and I know he can sense my unease.
He clears his throat before putting the napkin down next to his bowl of soup.
“Wow, Mrs. Alvarez, you’ve truly outdone yourself. This is my first time eating something like this, I might just finish the rest of what’s left in that pot.” He distracts her with a charming smile and stops her from continuing to hover over me, and I shoot him a grateful smile.
She shifts in her seat, quirks her brows at him, and laughs.
“I wouldn’t doubt it. You’re a big guy. Almost likemi hijo, Paul. My son was very tall. He took after his father in that way.” She puts another spoonful of a meatball into her mouth as she reminisces about Paul. I grimace internally at the mention of my father.
Then my heart sinks at the mention of the two men that no longer inhabit my life.
Will I ever be able to move on from not having my best friend?
“Please, call me Karolina,” she tells him and then swallows her food.
I take a deep breath as the loneliness slithers into my stomach, and I’m tempted to go back into my room and just lie there until I cry myself to sleep.
I sleep with Danny’s gifts in my hands every night. The same gifts thrown to the floor when he rescued me from Shane and Nora. The newborn onesie he tried to surprise me with before I got attacked.
I hold a cherished onesie tightly in my hands as I drift off to sleep. The shoes that Kane bought sit on my nightstand…they are the last things I see before I let the darkness take over me.
Every. Single. Night.
These past few weeks have been hell. I’m still trying to get all of my stuff moved in while I battle my issues. With the help of his team, Danny has moved most of my things. I’m grateful for Kane, Lopez, and Rooker. Danny was not happy when he found out I was going to move into my own place. He wanted me to move in to his house instead and even offered to pay for the rent until the contract was over. But I refused, and he respected my decision.
I haven’t been able to smile in a long time; it feels like forever.
I don’t want to be around anyone until I’m ready. I stayed away even though his team helped out, I would leave the house with my mom. I haven’t seen them since before I was attacked. I’ve kept myself hidden from anyone who wasn’t Danny or my mom. I haven’t seen my friends or any of my other family members.
“Thank you, Mom, for coming over and making us dinner.” I force myself to take a bite of food. I do it for her because if I don’t show her I’m capable of eating, she won’t leave. I refuse to let her worry about her remaining child. It isn’t healthy for a woman in her fifties to worry non-stop.
Fake my strength for heragain…I have to.
“Yes, thank you, Karolina. We both appreciate your help. Mexican food has always been my favorite,” Danny says as he finishes the last bite on his plate. “This Horchata is amazing. Please show us how to make it.” He reaches for the sweet cinnamon drink and holds it to his lips.
Horchata is one of my favorite drinks.
“Oh, Ari knows how to make it,” she exclaims with a big smile, looking at me proudly. “Do you know I’ve taught her every recipe I know since she was a child?”
I’ve always looked up to my mother.
“Really? I knew I liked her.” He winks at me, his blue eyes meeting mine as he drinks. He’s trying to cheer me up, and it does for a split second. His magnetic charm makes it hard to deny him anything.
A blip of fire consumes me when he gives me a comforting smile.
The ends of my mouth curve slightly, returning his warmth. I appreciate the effort my boyfriend and mother are making to help me feel better, but I want to be alone. Even though I know it’ll just be more damaging to myself in the end.
Still, I want to process this alone.
“So, when do you go back to work? I understand that you’re in special operations, just like my Paul was. You were close friends with him, but we never saw you around.” My mother shifts the mood quickly. It almost sounds like a scolding, and I grow tense at how intrusive she’s become.
