Page 95 of I Promise You
I slam the bottle back down on the counter and think long and hard before I make my next move.
I’m tempted to drive back to Ari's place, throw her over my lap and spank her until her ass is red and flaring raw.
I want to punish her for thinking such delusional ideas, like leaving me is an actual option.
Her soul is mine forever.
I’m almost entertained enough to crack a smile.
I already started to drink—shit.
I can’t drive anywhere now, but I need to be alone, too, even though I want to be anywhere else but here.
I’ll spend the night with the one thing I can always count on to make me forget things I don’t want to remember.
Whiskey.
So why the fuck not? If she wants to leave me, one night of taking the edge off won’t make a fucking difference.
I’m upstairs in my bedroom, throwing off my soaked shirt and pants, pulling off my belt, and kicking off my boots fast.
I change into my workout clothes, slipping into a dark navy blue shirt and shorts, and head to my basement. But I grab the bottle I left on the counter before I do.
Meanwhile, I try not to let my demons come back to me full circle.
I will work out until my body begs me to stop, and even then...I’ll push more.
I will drink until I can only feel serenity.
I will forget that my life has hit this bottomless pit tonight…just tonight.
Push-up after push-up. Squat after squat. Bench press after bench press.
It’s been three fucking hours, and I can’t stop.
I’m breathing hard with each rep. My heart thunders against my rib cage as I push my body past incredible limits.
It’s well into the night, around three in the morning, and I keep grinding hard until I can push the thoughts of Ari...our baby...and Paul’s death out of my head.
Sweat profusely falls all over my skin, drenching through my clothes, and I still can’t stop.
I’m still trying to digest everything Ari confessed. It hurts...this hurts more than I ever thought it would. She’s stronger than she gives herself credit for. I know her well enough to know that she can get through this. Even if she shuts me out, I know my little angel will continue to thrive. But the selfish part of me wants to cheer her on every step of the way.
I’ve avoided taking another swallow of Jack for now. Instead, I’ve gotten lost in my workout, listening to Avenged Sevenfold and System of a Down blasting, the mirrors on my wall shaking from how loud the volume is.
My gym has about everything a regular one would have.
A treadmill and weights galore.
After my last rep of deadlifts, I drop the bar of weights, passing my personal best, and I grunt hard as I max them out.
The oversized plates on each side of the bar collide with the floor, bouncing, and the metal reverberates riotously.
Almost every single vein in my arms makes its dramatic presence known. I open and close my hands when I realize I’ve added more calloused texture.
No matter what I do, how much I try to forget our fight…
Ari is still in my head, along with her sweet scent.
