Page 37 of Room 1212

“Right. Me too,” I mumbled, shuffling toward the elevator. And I was, except it would’ve been easier if I’d had the chance to find him first. I was at a distinct disadvantage right now, starting off at a deficit, but if I could just find the right words to tell him how I felt, maybe I could bring him back to my side.

As soon as I stepped into my condo, I sat down at my desk and got to work writing the most important dialogue I’d ever faced. This had nothing to do with pleasing fans and everything to do with my future—withourfuture. With mine, with my baby’s, and hopefully, with Drew’s.

20

Drew

IshowedupatJordan’s apartment as promised. I was as prepared for this as I could be—which was to say, not at all. I didn’t think I could even look at him, because if I saw those eyes I loved filled with tears, those lips I yearned to kiss, it would break me.

As I passed through the lobby, Herb gave me a solemn nod, as if he knew what I was about to face. I wished he could clue me in, because I wasn’t even sure what kind of mood to have heading into this. I was angry because of the extreme betrayal. Even if Jordan hadn’t gone through with an abortion, he’d considered it, and that felt like something great and beautiful had been snatched from my hands. But I also felt love and devotion.

I didn’t know how to reconcile the two opposing forces.

I’d thought a lot about things last night, about Jordan and about our baby. Yes, it was sudden, and no, it wasn’t planned, but it felt… right. Like it was meant to be.

If only I could make Jordan see things my way.

The elevator doors opened, and I dragged myself out and down the hallway, feeling heavier than I had in my life. I raised my hand to knock on Jordan’s door, but it swung open before my knuckles even made contact with the wood. The sudden movement brought my eyes up involuntarily, and I was struck dumb at the sight of him.

“You’re here,” he gasped.

“I said I would be,” I grunted.

“Yes, but I honestly wasn’t sure.” He stepped back. “Will you come in?”

I wasn’t very well about to have this conversation in the hallway, so I stepped through the door, but the second I was met with his familiar home, filled with his scent, I felt my resolve wavering. This was a mistake. We should’ve met somewhere public, preferably outdoors, somewhere with good air flow to draw away his delicious aroma. Was it just me or had it gotten even better since I was last here?

“I made coffee,” he said. “Or I boiled water for tea if you prefer. I’m probably not supposed to drink coffee…”

“Whatever you’re having is fine.”

I followed him into the kitchen where he went to pour hot water from the kettle into two mugs, but his hands were shaking so badly that he nearly spilled it all over himself. “Here, let me,” I said, taking the kettle from him.

“Thanks,” he said quietly before backing away. “I’ve been a bit of a mess.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.” For him to consider abortion, he must’ve been feeling pretty desperate. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I knew it would fester if I didn’t get it out. Finally, I blurted out, “Do you hate me?”

“What? Never! Why would you ask that?” He looked horrified.

“I figured the thought of carrying my child was too awful for you to consider.”

“Not at all,” he said, reaching for me but stopping before he could make contact. “I wrote a whole speech, but you’re going off script.” He tried to laugh lightly, but it sounded weak. He sighed. “I knew right away that this child will be the most beautiful baby, and I would be honored if they turn out at all like you.”

I blew out a breath. “Then is it because you’re worried you’ve turned into one of your clichés? Was that the problem?”

He pinched his lips tight, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. “I admit, it’s a little ironic, but… please know, I never would’ve been able to go through with it. I kept thinking about my parents, about how I’d grown up feeling unloved. I didn’t want that for my child. But I think… mostly, I was scared that my life was going to change and that I wouldn’t have any control over it.”

I ground my teeth together and scrubbed at my face, beyond frustrated with him. I abandoned my tea and stalked toward the living room, pacing back and forth in front of the large windows. “None of that makes any sense,” I growled. “First off, you’re not your fucking parents. You are good and kind and beautiful, and I know you will love our child with everything you have. And since when is life predictable? It’s not supposed to be! It’s not prepared speeches and characters you can tell what to do. It’s wild and untamed, and that’s what makes it worth living!” I was practically yelling, waving my arms in wide gestures.

Jordan swiped at his eyes that had filled with tears. “Why are you so mad? I didn’t have an abortion! I couldn’t even stay long enough to talk to a doctor about my options. I was about to come and tell you about the baby.”

“Why am I mad?” I seethed. “Are you kidding me? Why am Imad?!”

“Yeah!” he shouted back, stomping toward me and closing the gap between us. “Why?”

“I’m mad because I love you!”

He gasped and froze, his jaw dropping. “You… you love me?”

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