Page 81 of Illusion of Loving

It’s raining today. I wonder if they will cancel Dian’s practice. Dian is the best soccer player at our school. We recently got pregnant, and I am almost due. When Dian told his parents, they told him to break up with me. They said I was going to ruin his career and that I wasn’t suited to be a mother because I was an orphan with no manners.

Even without my parents, I’m at the top of my class right now. I will probably graduate valedictorian. Dian is smart as well. He’s amazing at being an athlete and doing his schoolwork. When we graduate, he wants to focus on the baby and me, for which his parents might disown him. Being a teenage mother was not a goal of mine, but baby Maxwell is coming soon. We are both excited to meet her. I haven’t given her a name yet, but something will come to us soon.

Class dismisses and I walk outside into the hall. Arms wrap around me, and I turn to see Dian looking at me with a big smile.

“How was class?” He is gigantic compared to me. Every day he towers over me.

“Boring…but I’m glad to see you.” I turn around and get on my toes to kiss him and he leans down to reach me. “I want us to live together already. I hate that fucking group home.”

“Soon, I promise. I’m going to take care of you and the baby.” He says between kisses.

“I can take care of myself.” I roll my eyes.

He pulls away, “I know, baby. You’re a fighter and I’m sure our baby girl will be one too. She’s been kicking so much she might be a soccer player.”

I smile at the thought. “A little soccer player, huh?”

“We should go to the planetarium. It’s free for students. They are doing a show on constellations.” He suggests.

I agree and he takes me there. We spend the day laughing, kissing, and exploring a world of stars. We think we found our baby's name.

Years Later

Dian is sitting in a hospital bed and Taurus is lying next to him. The doctors keep giving me optimistic smiles. He’s dying and they know it. They know that he is going to leave me alone in this world. The only person in this world who ever loved me is leaving me…

He is going to die and there’s nothing I can do but watch as he slips away from me.

“I always knew you would be trouble.” His mother says walking into the room. “You tried to trap my son because of your shitty life and now he is dying. You cursed him with your unlucky soul.” She continues.

Is she right? Did I kill him? Did my bad luck rub off on him? Am I destined to have nothing?

“My son was completely healthy…and he met you and his life fell apart! He should have been a professional athlete, not a father at sucha youthful age. He’s dying and I blame you. I won’t let you anywhere near his funeral. Get out!” She screams waking Taurus.

“Excuse me, ma’am?” A doctor walks in.

“I am the mother of this man; she has no right to be here. She is not his wife.” She asserts and that is true. Dian and I were not married. I had no claim to him in any legal sense, but I never thought I needed to because our souls were attached. I thought that would be enough. Maybe our soul being attached is what’s killing him.

The family I thought I deserved was never going to be a reality for me. There is nothing for me in this world but loneliness and suffering. If I couldn’t be happy, then no one should be.

Present

“Dalia, she is hungry. Please make sure she is fed and put down.” I order mybabysitter.

Things have changed for me ever since the engagement party. I found out that I was four months pregnant with a baby girl. I couldn’t believe it myself. It made me realize something. This new child didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t care for Taurus because she was my child, I care for her because she is the last thing, I have that reminds me of the man I love. I realized that by having her, I could have him back.

This new child is a product of Greyson and I. She looks nothing like Taurus, she looks like Greyson. I cannot get myself to feel anything for her. Maybe that makes me a monster, but there’s no point in caring about things like that. I want myrealdaughter back. My daughter looks just like Dian. I won’t let these men get in my way. I can be happy again. She will forgive me and come back. She will never need those men again.

Taurus

As I wake from my slumber, with closed eyes. I don’t dare open them because I can feel Ru’s strong arms protectively around me. I have been having nightmares about my mother. Dreams of my childhood. The constant panic I lived in. I couldn’t protect myself as a child, but now as an adult, I must.

I nuzzle my head into Ru’s chest, which causes him to put his hand on my head. “What’s wrong?” Ru whispers in a drowsy voice.

“Just a nightmare. I’m fine.” I insist.

Ru wakes up now and cups my face. “About what?”

“Just growing up with my mother,” I answer.

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