Page 108 of Prove You Wrong

Shit. I want to follow her, but I know this guilt. There’s nothing I can say to change her mind. Not right now.

It was the same with my brother. A kind of survivor’s guilt. Second guessing everything that happened before. Trying to pinpoint where it went wrong, what should have happened to prevent this. Working out how you were to blame.

I’ll just have to hope Ella isn’t as stubborn as Scott. Ever since Marcus died, Scott has lived a small life, like he doesn’t feel he deserves anything bigger. He gave up his passion for motorbikes. Too dangerous. He runs a pub, but he doesn’t let it thrive. He shuts down any chance of a relationship before it can begin. It does Marcus’s memory an injustice, his not living life to the fullest.

Scott’s guilt never made much sense to me. It wasn’t his fault a fucking car hit Marcus when they were on a ride. But then I guess that’s grief. It doesn’t have to make sense. Now Ella’s blaming herself for what happened with Chloe.

Knowing I need to give her some space, I ride home to get a shower.

‘Dude,’ Chunk greets me when I get in, face grave.

‘You still up?’ I frown, then give him a small smile of appreciation.

‘I guessed you’d be out helping with the aftermath of that accident. Wanted to make sure you were okay when you got in.’

I fill him in on everything I know and he puffs out his cheeks with a deep exhale. ‘Thank fuck no lives were lost.’

‘Ella’s blaming herself,’ I sigh. ‘Well, more specifically, me. Us.’

‘How?’ Chunk dips his head in confusion.

He looks at me with pity as I explain and then says, ‘She doesn’t mean it, man. She’s still processing shit.’

I clap both hands on top of my head, pushing down my palms as if they’ll help me feel like my head isn’t going to explode. ‘I know she’s lashing out ‘cause she’s scared.’ I’ve ridden that fucking road myself.

‘What are you going to do?’

I puff out a weighty exhale. ‘Whatever it takes.’

‘That’s right.’ He slaps me on the back. ‘You tell your brother yet? Your news about the job?’

‘Didn’t have the chance.’ I shrug.

‘I get it. Don’t want to rush it.’ Chunk stands and stretches. ‘I’m gonna hit the sack but wake me if you need anything.’

Instead of taking a much needed shower, I slump onto the sofa. It’s warm from where Chunk had been waiting for me.

My mind is firing after everything that’s happened. I want to be there for Ella. She’s been through so much. It took a lot to get her to trust me and I’m not losing that trust now. If anything, I need to step up. Let her know I’m here even when things are hard.

Absentmindedly, I pick up the controller but stare at a blank screen, knuckles white from my grip. My heart rate cranks higher. I’m not fucking failing at this too. I’ll do whatever it takes.

Ella

‘What are you doing here?’ I eye Nate sceptically.

Ignoring my demand yesterday, he’s pulled up outside the house in Chunk’s Ranger, enginestill running. The exhaust is puffing out a spectre in the December morning.

He’s clean shaven, wearing ironed clothes –– totally unphased by my proclamation the last time I saw him. ‘I’m here to give you and your mum a lift. To the hospital.’

‘What?’ My forehead scrunches. ‘No. I told you last night.’

‘All I heard last night was that you were tired and hungry. No one makes good decisions in those circumstances.’ He cracks a small smile. ‘And to that end, there are bacon butties in the back.’

‘Ella, why are you standing in the door?’ My mum appears. ‘You’re letting all the warm air out … oh, hello, Nathan.’

‘Gabby,’ he greets her. ‘I’m here to give you a lift to the hospital. Whenever you’re ready, of course.’ That bloody dimple of his peeps out as he flashes her his most endearing grin and I could scream.

‘Oh, thank you.’ She rubs his arm as she says, ‘That’s very sweet. I just need to get a few things.’ Mum retreats into the hallway.

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