Page 106 of Silver Tears

“Does she though?” Vee argues. She tuts at me in exasperation. “She’s been miserable since you two broke up. I’ve seen her looking at you longingly when she thinks nobody else is looking.”

“You have?” I ask. A glimmer of hope stirs in my stomach.

Vee bobs her head firmly. “Don’t you think she should be the one to decide if you’re worthy of her?” Her phone rings and she looks down at her screen. “I need to take this, its Rubes.”

“Rubes?” I repeat, arching a brow. “Do I even want to ask?”

Vee smiles coyly at me. “We like her Seb. A lot. Anyway, just think about what I said.”

I nod my head at her as she leaves the room. I’m unsure what to think or do. I’m in unchartered waters. I’ve never felt this way before. These feelings scare the shit out of me. I can’t think about this right now. Gran needs us. We don’t know how much time we have left with her. I can’t bear thinking about life without Gran here. She’s always been there. It was always her I went to as a child if I was angry or upset and she’d hug me and make everything okay again.

* * *

Gran dies in the early hours of the next day. She passes away peacefully with all of us at her bedside. I held her hand right to the end and wept silent tears. I feel like I have lost my pillar of strength. The boys and Eliza come back to ours and we hole up in the den. I knock back a fair few Jack D’s. I feel numb. It’s hard to believe that she’s gone. That she won’t be sitting in her armchair in the bay window at the home, waiting for us to visit.

* * *

The funeral takes place a week later. The society gathers at the family plot at the local cemetery. All the Collings ancestors are buried here. She’s at peace now and back with her beloved Reginald, which was all she ever wanted.

It’s a dull and rainy day. Everyone is dressed in black. She hated black. She always wore colour. Everyone makes their way back to their cars once the ceremony is over. Vee and I hang back, and she squeezes my hand as we stand before the open grave.

“Are you coming?” she asks me softly.

“I’ll catch you up. I just need a few minutes,” I tell her. Needing to say goodbye without everyone else around.

“Okay,” Vee says. She reaches on her tip-toes and kisses my cheek. “I’ll see you back at the house.”

I nod my head, not taking my eyes off the grave. It’s silent, not a sound except the rain and the birds in the distance. I sense movement to my right and look up.

“Hey.” It’s Mills. I blink, wondering if I’m imagining her. She’s wearing her favourite blue coat and clutching an umbrella in one hand. A small bouquet of yellow roses in her other.

“I hope it’s okay. I just wanted to come and bring some flowers?” she asks me, her eyes darting between me and the cemetery gates like she’s wondering if she should leave.

“It’s fine,” I reply and gesture for her to come over. She steps onto the grass and comes up beside me. I inhale her scent. I’ve fucking missed it.

She makes the sign of the cross and then she leans down and places her flowers alongside the large array surrounding the grave site. “How are you?”

I bob my head. Mill’s is here. She’s right here within my reach. This is the closest we’ve been in weeks.

“I’m okay. You?”

She bobs her head. “I’m good. Charlie’s doing great, he asks after you.”

I swallow. I miss him too. “Tell him I said hi.”

She chews on her lip and looks away. “You could call sometime and see him. I know he’d love that.”

I want you.

It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say the words.

I need you.

“Maybe,” I reply, my throat dry. “Thanks for coming. I should probably head back to the wake.”

She nods her head and looks at the car waiting for me over by the gates. “Of course.” She turns to leave, and I want to reach out and grab her. I want to pull her into my arms and tell her I need her.

I blink in surprise when she turns at the last minute and strides back over to me. She wraps her arms around my chest and hugs me tightly. “I’m so sorry you lost her. I know how important she was to you.”

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