Page 16 of Silver Tears

“Maybe he would understand that you’re a mum, and your son comes first,” I reply honestly.

Crack!

I gasp and place my hand over my cheek. She just hit me!

Mum sucks in a breath and covers her mouth. “See what you made me do? Why do you have to upset me?”

“You hit me, mum,” I say, still in shock. My cheek stings from the force of the slap. “Go!” I tell her. “Go get drunk with Lenny. I’ll bath and care for my brother.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, looking like a petulant child. “I didn’t mean to slap you.”

“Please go, mum,” I say wearily. I’m bone tired. Keeping up with this secret, balancing school, work, and time with Damon is exhausting. She sheepishly grabs her bag and squeezes past me, leaving me in the doorway, nursing my red face. I rest my head against the door and take in a few deep breaths. I turn off the radio and blow out the candle she has left burning.

Heading back to the kitchen, I turn on the oven and pop the pizza in. Ham and pineapple, Charlie’s favourite. Charlie tugs on my T-shirt as I’m washing up and I settle him on the kitchen counter. He reads to me while I clean up the kitchen. We eat our pizza on the sofa, watching children’s tv.

The situation here with mum is snowballing. I found two empty vodka bottles when I was emptying some rubbish into the bin before. The washer finishes and I leave Charlie watching his favourite show while I unload it and place it out on the airer in front of the wall heater. There is no way she will come home at eight thirty like I asked and there is no way I can leave him here alone. Picking up my phone, I dial Ruby’s number.

“Hey,” she says, answering the phone. Music plays in the background.

“Where are you?” I ask her, struggling to hear over the music.

“Oh, we’re over at the youth club. How’s Charlie?”

“He’s good,” I reply, glancing over to check on him. He’s in a world of his own, mouth open, watching tv. “I need a favour. I need to stay here tonight and look after Charlie. Are you okay if I say I’m staying at yours?”

“Sure. Is everything okay there?”

I pause, not knowing how to answer her question. “No,” I admit, lowering my voice so that Charlie can’t eavesdrop. “Her drinking is getting worse. She was happy to leave him home alone after I leave tonight.”

Ruby sighs down the phone. If anyone understands, it’s her. Ruby’s dad is a drinker. Luckily, she has her brother, Matt, there to keep things ticking over at home. “What are you going to do?”

I shake my head, my eyes falling on Charlie. “Honestly, I don’t know, but there is no way I’ll let my little brother go into care. I’ll stay here tonight and get the bus home in the morning.”

“Okay. I can try to borrow Matt’s bike and come and get you in the morning?” I smile at her offer. Matt would kill her if she took his bike without permission again.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want your death on my conscience. I’ll get the bus at seven. Peggy should be able to take him to school for me.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“I love you too,” I say, ending the call. I text dad and ask him if I can stay at Ruby’s, telling him she’s helping me study for a test tomorrow. He replies a few seconds later, telling me he’s happy for me to stay over. He trusts me without question, and I hate that I’m lying to him. That I’m not being the perfect daughter he thinks I am.

Charlie and I read more from his reading book and after that we have a quick game of snap before I help him have a bath and tuck him into bed for the evening. Once he’s settled, I lock the front door and quickly dash next door to speak to Peggy.

She comes to the door in her dressing gown. “I’m so sorry to disturb you. I come begging a favour.”

She smiles kindly at me. “No need to apologise, dear. What can I do for you?”

I grimace. I hate putting stuff on her like this. “Is there any chance you could take Charlie to school for me in the morning? I err, I suspect mum might not be well enough to take him. I need to get the bus home at seven in the morning if I’m to make it back in time for school.”

“Not a problem,” she says without hesitation. “Bring him over here once he’s dressed, and I’ll cook him some pancakes for breakfast.”

I want to hug her, but I refrain. “Thank you,” I say, relief washing over me. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Nonsense.” She bats away my comment with her hand. “I’m retired. It’s not like I have anything else pressing to do with my time.”

I thank her again and dash back to the house, not wanting Charlie to wake up and find himself alone. I make his lunch for tomorrow and write in his schoolbook that he has done his reading. Once that’s done, I give the bathroom floor a mop. By the time I sit down, it’s almost nine and I’m already shattered. I pull out my schoolbooks. What I told my dad was not a total lie. I do have a test tomorrow and I need to get some revision in before I go to sleep. Anything less than an A is not an option for me.

SEB

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