Remorse punched me right in the throat. I moved swiftly to stand right in front of him. “Kai—” My voice cracked, everything I had wanted to say forgotten as if I hadn’t spent hours planning it down to a T.
He lifted his chin, showing me the liquid in his eyes. “You’re not leaving me?”
I couldn’t get words past the lump in my throat, so I frantically shook my head.
With a fractured noise, his arms shot out, scooping me up off the gravel path from around the waist and crushing me against him. His face fell into the crook of my neck, my arms curled around his shoulders, latching on just as tight. He was so warm under the dampness of his clothes, shaking as he sighed into me. I buried a hand in the back of his hood, squeezing my eyes shut as I lowered my face into his shoulder. Basking in the dull feeling of all my broken pieces merging back together.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked. “I’m so sorry, Kai. I’m sorry. I’m—”
He shook his face against my neck. “No, no, Esmeralda—”
“No, let me say this.” I curled my fingers deeper into the fabric. “I was an idiot.”
“No, you were not.”
“I was. I was. I pushed you away and hurt you all because…because I was scared. For you but for me too. But I didn’t know how to admit I was. I didn’t think I was allowed to be. It was my fault—”
“No,” he growled sternly. “It wasn’t your fault, Esmeralda. Ever. Any of it. You have to stop saying that. You have to stop thinking that.”
“I’m trying.” My voice cracked as tears filtered over my eyes. “But it’s hard not to when that’s all I have ever thought.”
“I know,” he whispered and gently thumped his forehead against mine. I let my eyes fall shut as he held it there. “I understand. But that is why I want you to be honest with me about how you’re feeling. Because I want to be there for you. Whenever those bad thoughts become too much. I don’t want you to keep them to yourself. I want you to tell me so I can fight them away. And you can tell me anything, my little Babble, and I will never judge you for it. I promise.”
My bottom lip quivered, and even with the cold droplets of rain hitting my skin, I felt the burning streaks of tears roll down my cheeks one by one.
“I’m scared.” The words shook off my lips barely above a whisper.
Kai’s moulded his lips over mine. So soft, so secure, so sweet. Swiping away half my fear just like that as if it had never even existed in the first place. “I know,” he said against my mouth before planting another kiss to my lips. “But I’m here, Babble.” Kiss. “I promised you I would fix it.” Kiss. “And I almost have.” He met my gaze. “I found out who sent the emails.”
I couldn’t tell if my heart stopped entirely or bucked even harder. “Who?” I said, holding my breath.
His eyes drooped apologetically. “Meg.”
It took me a moment to catch on, but when the name clicked into place, I tensed.
His abusive ex-fiancée. She was behind this? Why? How?
“She met Sylvie at Westcombe Palace on Formation Day,” Kai explained as if he’d heard my questions. “It must have been after she approached me while I was with you and Fay. She convinced Sylvie to meet her the next evening where she offered her a big sum to plant the bug.”
Bitter frustration bunched Kai’s brows, and anger slowly curled around my stomach. “I don’t know how much Shehryar told you of what I told him, but Sylvie planted the bug while we were away for the Memorial Service. She downloaded the feed daily and emailed it to Meg. Sylvie said she never watched the entirety of any of it, though even if she did, she signed an NDA and she will be under tight surveillance for the next few years. One suspicious move and she knows she will be serving a thirty-year sentence without any chance of bail or parole, or early release.”
The assurance didn’t ease my worry. All my concerns were for him.
“But what about Meg? I know you were at Trevor’s house, but you didn’t go to see her, did you?” I hoped for the life of me the answer was no. Because if he had gone to face his abusive ex while I had been hiding like a coward in my bedroom then I was going to punch myself in the face.
Thankfully, he shook his head. “No, I spent the whole day at Trevor’s house. Pierre called Candy and Zain there too. We spoke about what to do, and they were with me when I called Meg’s father.” He gave me a light squeeze. “I’m sorry I didn’t send you a message to tell you. But if I had, I would have abandoned everything to see you, but I knew you needed some time to yourself. So, I didn’t.”
“I wanted to message you too,” I admitted, moving my hand into the hood of his jumper to cup his jaw. “But I didn’t want us to have this conversation over the phone, so I didn’t.”
He nuzzled against my palm. “One more day, Esmeralda. That’s it. And I promise you this nightmare will be over.” Anger turned his expression stern and dark. “I’m going to go see her tomorrow and deal with her as I should have done years ago.”
“Alone?”
“Yes. I have to do this on my own.”
Just the thought made my insides lurch up in rebellion. “That’s not fair,” I said, my brows bunching together. “You dealt with my problem for me, but you’re going to deal with her on your own? No. I don’t want that. I’ll go with you.”
“No, Esmeralda. I’m used to her hatred, but I don’t want her directing it towards you. Besides, it’s not the first time she has done something like this.”