Page 96 of Tall, Royal and Grumpy

He took a step towards me, a self-depreciating curl pulling up one corner of his mouth. “You weren’t there when I went to confront my father and was reminded by his wife that I was nothing but an unwanted bastard who would never have any claim on him.”

It was hard to tell what made me feel worse, the invisible claws sinking into the skin upon hearing that word again, or the wrecked look in Shehryar’s eyes. “You never told me you confronted him.”

“What was I going to tell you, Esmeralda? That I was humiliated in front of his entire family? That he watched his wife throw money in my face before his staff escorted me out his fucking mansion? Because according to her, what else could a bastard want from his rich father other than money?”

“Stop that,” I croaked, a faint burn searing the back of my nose. “Stop calling yourself that.”

He grunted, a cruel look turning the angular lines of his face harsh. “Why shouldn’t I? It’s true, isn’t it?” I shook my head quickly, but he just laughed, and the hollow sound grated at my heart. “Come on, Esmeralda. Don’t be naïve. I’m a by-blow in the world of old money and royalty, and do you know how they treat bastard children? Like scum, Esmeralda. Because to them that’s what we are!”

“Shehryar!” My voice cracked like a whip between us.

I dragged in a broken breath, struggling to find any air as my lungs felt as if they were collapsing in on themselves. Everything inside me was burning, falling apart and cracking as his words attacked me at my weakest point. With the way Shehryar stilled, I knew he realised what he’d done. What he’d said. But it was too late.

He’d cut into my biggest, deepest scar, and now it was bleeding open.

“Esmeralda,” he croaked. “I didn’t mean—”

I put my hand up to silence him. “You meant exactly what you said, Sher.” He shook his head, looking every bit chagrined and regretful. I dropped my trembling hand to my side. “And the thing is you’re probably right. But do you remember what you always used to say to me? You can’t let your past define you. So, what are you doing right now, Sher?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face then scrunched his hair in his fist. “Mama Katiya was right,” I said. “You haven’t gotten over what happened, and you’re not only hurting yourself, but you’re hurting her too. Because Shehryar, how can you accuse the world of judging her when that’s exactly what you’re doing to her—and to yourself—right now?”

Swallowing down the growing lump in my throat, I turned away, but his hand clamped around my elbow immediately. “Esmeralda, please, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

I shook my head. “I’m not the one you need to apologise to.”

Without glancing back at him, I tugged my arm from his grip and left his room, closing the door on his distraught expression.

I knew he hadn’t meant it. I knew he was sorry for having said it. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less as I stood there staring at the closed door, his words spinning in my head like a cruel taunt.

Like scum, Esmeralda. Because to them that’s what we are… Like scum, Esmeralda. Because to them that’s what we are… Like scum, Esmeralda. Because to them that’s what we are.

What. We. Are.

We. We. We. We…

“Esmeralda?”

I jumped at the sound of my name, spinning out of my dark reverie to face the owner of the voice.

Kareem stood a few feet away from me, and the emotional exhaustion I already felt suddenly grew into a ten-tonne weight on my shoulders. I didn’t have the energy to brace myself against the mess that was mine and my brother’s relationship. Though, honestly, we’d barely spoken since my visit to the palace infirmary on the morning of Cannon Day.

Despite my tiredness, I instinctively straightened my spine and tried to conceal my emotions. I didn’t do a very job though because a little crinkle appeared between Kareem’s brows as his eyes searched mine. I couldn’t help it, I tensed under his worried scrutiny. It wasn’t natural. I wasn’t used to his concern, only his contempt.

He took his hands out of his smart black trousers, shifting as if he was going to move towards me but then seemed to think better of it. “Are you—are you okay?” he asked, awkward hesitation filtering through his voice. “You don’t look—I mean…you’re pale…”

I swallowed, trying to get my shoulders to ease but I couldn’t. I physically couldn’t relax around Kareem. So I tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”

“I’m—yeah, I’m okay.” He scratched his jaw with one set of fingers. “I take it you were with Shehryar. Was he okay? Prince Arsh told me he didn’t take the discovery of Katiya’s relationship with him very well.”

“No. He didn’t take it well. He’s worried and angry, but he just needs time to process it.” Kareem nodded and I rolled my bottom lip into my mouth. “How long have you known?”

“Since Shah’s New Years Eve party.” I blinked in surprise. “He approached me the morning of the party and told me that he wanted to marry Katiya but that he needed my backing for his Change of Law proposal first to make that possible.”

“And you agreed?” The quiet disbelief in my tone was obvious, because honestly, I couldn’t believe it. I would’ve bet my entire fortune that Kareem would have been opposed to the change.

“I did.” He lifted one shoulder in a barely-there shrug. “I had no reason not to agree.”

It sounded like he was trying to mean something else with what he said. Not that I had any idea what that something else was. But then Kareem’s brows dipped, and I forgot about figuring out what he was trying to tell me.

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