Page 24 of The Gunnery Sergeant's Ready-Made Family

‘My rebellious activist days? Oh, please!” Stevie rolled her eyes at him. “What rebellious activist days?”

“Who staged a sit-in her last year of high school to get the cafeteria to offer vegetarian and vegan options, despite the fact that she was not going to be able to benefit from it herself in following years? Who lobbied the council of her hometown to get them to plant trees in the middle of the main street, instead of erecting concrete traffic islands, as a way to fight the emissions of the local traffic? Who got her entire university to provide a year’s worth of care packages to her brother’s platoon the first year he deployed overseas? They were able to adopt not only his platoon but two others as well through their generosity. I’m pretty sure that was you, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, that was me,” Stevie laughed, “just don’t tell the boys just yet, give it a few years before they start getting any ideas.”

“I promise. Seriously though, don’t be so hard on yourself, you don’t need to be perfect to be a parent, Ranger and Finn will love you no matter what, I promise.”

Chase meant every word he said, he saw the way in which Stevie cared for her nephews, for their nephews now that they were married. She loved them, unconditionally and completely. She might not think that she is enough, she might not have wanted this life, but no one could ever doubt or question just how much she loved Ranger and Finn. It was just one of the many things that Chase admired about Stevie.

“Chase, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this, thank you.”

“What? The middle of the night visit to the emergency room?” Chase joked.

“No, the middle of the night bad television of course,” Stevie joked back. “Seriously, though, this, the support, the encouragement, thank you, I really do appreciate it.”

“You have nothing to thank me for Stevie, I meant every word I said. And from now on, I want you to come to me, to confide in me, if you ever have any doubts about this parenting gig, okay? We are married now, which means we share our burdens, no matter how silly they may seem at the time.”

“I’ll try, I promise. It’s just hard, I’m not used to having anyone to share with, I’m used to doing everything on my own.”

“I know, as am I, but I think we can both learn to change that. We are married Stevie, I want to be the man you lean on, the man who supports you in every way, until death we do part.”

As Chase looked into Stevie’s eyes, he felt a pull towards her, without even realising it, he moved his mouth closer to hers, until his lips were barely brushing against hers. She leant forwards; her eyes fluttering shut with a soft sigh. He closed his eyes briefly as their lips touched, breathing in the heady scent of apples and jasmine that floated around Stevie like a cloud, before snapping them back open again and pulling away from her abruptly, ending the kiss as quickly as it had begun, shame filling his face.

“Oh!” Stevie’s hand flew up to cover her mouth, shock registering in her eyes. Chase felt disgusted with himself, here she was missing her brother, grieving for him, and for the life she lost, worried about her nephew in the middle of surgery, and what did he do? He took advantage of her, that’s what. He let his own feelings, her gratitude towards him, cloud his judgement, his thinking.

“Stevie, I’m-”

“Don’t,” she shook her head, eyes closed, “don’t say anything.”

“I just-”

“I can’t do this right now Chase, not here.” Stevie’s voice had an edge to it that Chase had never heard before. “Ranger is in the middle of an operation, Finn and Gran are at home, no one knows what is happening. When Ranger, if Ranger, wakes up, he’ll be confused, he might not even remember that his Daddy is dead, have you thought about that? I have, that is why I just cannot do this with you, not now, not tonight.”

“I need some air,” Chase stood and walked across to the large patio door, opening it to reveal a hidden green retreat, a lush garden the size of a football field complete with water features and a number of ornate benches dotted throughout. “I’ll be right out here if anything happens, please come and get me if you hear anything at all.” When Stevie nodded, Chase walked through the doors. He needed to clear his head before he did or said anything stupid. Or anything that he would regret, again. No, that wasn’t fair, nor was it entirely true, he chastised himself. Kissing Stevie had not been stupid, nor did he regret it. He was sorry that it had happened, but not sorry that he had done it. He wished that he could forget this crush he has had on her for the past decade, he wished that he could tell her the truth about how he felt, but he knew that he could never do that, not while he was still lying to her about the truth of Kyle’s death.

If he told her now, just how much he actually liked her, just how long he had wanted to kiss her, it would be unfair. They were married now, if he confessed that he had feelings for her, it would make everything awkward, and he didn’t want to put any pressure on her to return those feelings, especially not when he knew that they would only lead to her getting hurt, to them all getting hurt in one way or another. If they became even more involved than they already were, if feelings were added to the mix, feelings other than friendship and respect, it would only serve to confuse everyone. Besides, if that happened and then she found out that Chase had lied about Kyle’s death, Chase knew that she would never forgive him. No, far better to just avoid feelings at all cost, at least where Stevie was concerned. He would simply love Ranger and Finn as much as possible, as much as a father would, and hope and pray that they never found out that it had been him who had killed their father.

Chase wasn’t sure how long he spent walking around the garden. He found a babbling water feature and sat for a while, just admiring the way the water flowed so effortlessly, without a care in the world. Chase was filled with guilt, he knew Stevie was right, she couldn’t do this, she couldn’t kiss him while Ranger was in theatre. The thing was, he still wanted to kiss her, he wanted to march back into that waiting room and kiss her thoroughly, to kiss her in a way that would have her knowing exactly how he felt about her, no doubts, no questions. The knowledge of this only had him feeling more guilt. Lord, his heart called out, please help me. Please help me to forget the feelings that I have for Stevie, please help me to see her only as a friend, in mutual respect. You know what I want Lord, You see the desires of my heart, You see the obstacles that are in the way, the obstacles that I have caused, created. Please help me to maintain a safe barrier so that Stevie is not hurt, so that I do not hurt Finn and Ranger, oh Lord, I couldn’t stand it if I hurt them, I couldn’t bear it. Please, help me, help me. By the time Chase was finished pouring his heart out to God, he had tears running down his face, he felt unburdened, lighter than he had in a long time, refreshed. He sat for a few more moments until he heard Stevie calling him, before going back inside.

“Is it Ranger?” Chase asked as soon as he walked through the door.

“The theatre nurse just called; they are bringing him down now.” There was a lightness to Stevie’s voice now, Chase was glad to see that her whole demeanour had changed, she seemed happier. “They said we could go and meet them near the lifts.”

“Let’s go then, if he is starting to wake up, he will need you.”

“He’ll need us both, Chase.” Stevie smiled up at him, before leading the way out of the waiting room and down the hallway towards the lifts. Chase hurried to keep up, a smile returning to his face. Everything would be okay, everything would work out, he was sure of it, once Ranger got back home, everything would settle down, and they would find their groove again.

Chapter Sixteen

Two days later Ranger was discharged from the hospital, having charmed all of the nurses and doctors that he came into contact with. The surgery had been a success, and the doctors had kept him in for observation only. Stevie was relieved that he would finally be coming home, the past several days had taken a toll on her. Stevie’s grandmother had brought Finn in every day to see Ranger, and Chase had gone home several times to play with Finn and to make sure he and Nikki were okay, but otherwise, he had stayed with Stevie, who had refused to leave Ranger’s side, opting to sleep on a mattress on the floor next to Ranger’s hospital bed. Now, as they were finally heading home, Stevie could finally admit just how utterly exhausted she really was. Chase had insisted on taking another day off work and arrived at the hospital first thing to collect Stevie and Ranger, Ranger’s face lighting up at the sight of Chase carrying a large bunch of helium balloons. At Stevie’s questioning look, Chase merely shrugged.

“I thought he might like them,” he spoke softly.

Stevie said nothing, merely smiled at the sight of Ranger swallowed up by balloons, walking out to the carpark. Somehow they managed to get Ranger and his balloons into the truck and buckled in, Ranger was quiet on the way home, tired out by the exertion of walking out to the truck. Stevie had been warned by the doctor to expect Ranger to be fairly tired for the rest of the week as his body was still recovering from the surgery. Stevie had warned her grandmother in advance, and her grandmother had made up a bed for Ranger on the sofa, so that he could be in the middle of the house, at least during the day. As they pulled into their driveway the front door opened and out dashed Stevie’s grandmother, Finn in her arms, to greet them.

“Gran!” Ranger called out as Stevie undid his seatbelt, his little hand waving madly in the air. Chase walked over and took Finn from Nikki, and once Ranger was free of his restraints, he ran to his grandma, throwing his little arms around her neck as she bent to scoop him up.

“Oh, I missed you so much Ranger, it is so good to have you back home.”

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