Page 29 of The Gunnery Sergeant's Ready-Made Family

“No. Yes. Not really,” Chase shook his head and turned to face Stevie once again. “The kiss put a lot of things into perspective for me, it made me realise that perhaps my feelings for you ran deeper than even I had realised, but it was today that really cemented it for me.”

“What exactly are you saying, Chase?” Stevie leant forward, closer.

“Somewhere along the line, and I am not really sure when it happened, my feelings for you blurred. You are a dear friend, Stevie, and I’m sorry, really I am, but I love you, I am in love with you.”

“Chase-” Stevie gasped.

“No,” Chase cut her off, “please don’t say anything, not until you hear all of what I have to say, please, I don’t want you to say something you will regret later.”

“Okay?” She sounded confused, her answer more like a question.

“I wasn’t entirely honest with you, about Kyle’s death, I left things out, things that you should have known. I should have told you before I asked you to marry me, but I didn’t, I didn’t want you to know, I didn’t want you to look at me any differently.”

“Is this what you dream about? Kyle dying?” She sounded genuinely curious.

“Yes,” Chase nodded.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her tone held no malice, no anger, only confusion.

“I wanted to Stevie, honestly I did, I wanted to tell you the second I saw you at the airport, but my superiors thought it was best if you didn’t know, they thought it would be easier on you to hear that he had died in an Improvised Explosive Device, instead of the truth.”

“Okay, so tell me now.”

“Stevie,” Chase hesitated.

“You claim to love me Chase, so tell me, love isn’t secretive or hurtful, it isn’t deceptive. Love rejoices with the truth, you know that Chase, one Corinthians chapter thirteen verse seven.”

“Kyle is dead because of me,” Chase looked Stevie straight in the eyes as he spoke, “I killed him.”

“Chase, no, no, I don’t understand.” Stevie’s whisper was hoarse, her eyes round with disbelief.

“I killed him, Stevie. he was supposed to be at the rear of the formation, I sent him to the front. It should have been me who died that day, not Kyle, I’m sorry. He died as a direct result of my actions.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“We had intel that the insurgents would be just north of us, so we set out. The sun was blinding, the glare against the endless dust made it nearly impossible to see. I was struggling to lead, I had been awake for over thirty hours, and any weakness on the field could be deadly, so we stopped for a short break. Rest over, we fell into line again, and Kyle offered to take the lead while I brought up the rear. The lead must be focused, and sharp, and he knew I was struggling. I agreed to let him take the lead, I knew a pair of fresh eyes were better than my weary ones, no matter how well trained. We decided that if we didn’t find the target soon, we would head back to base and resume tomorrow. Less than twenty minutes later the shout to take cover came, followed by the sound of a bullet whistling through the air. We scrambled to cover, returning fire as best we could. Kyle died instantly, Stevie, there was no pain, our last conversation was about you and the boys, about the plans he had for when he got home. So, you see, I killed him, I killed my best friend and then I lied to you about it. I thought I was marrying you for Finn and Ranger, to provide for them, for their future, but I think now that maybe I married you out of guilt, to try and make amends for killing Kyle.”

Stevie didn’t say anything, she merely sat there staring at Chase, before finally standing and walking back inside.

Chase let her go, his heart ripping into pieces. As much as he wanted to, he did not try to stop her, he knew that she needed time to process everything. With an aching heart and heavy feet, chase made his way upstairs for the last time, slipping into the boy’s bedroom and kissing Ranger and Finn goodbye. As he stepped out of their room he heard Stevie crying, his face hardening. He made his way back downstairs silently and picked up the bag he had already packed and left on his bed in the lounge room. He had planned on this, had planned to leave once he had told Stevie the truth. Chase had known that she would not want to have to see him, that it would be painful, and he was determined not to have her go through that, he would not cause her any more pain than was necessary. Picking up his bag, he took one final look around the house, his first house, his home, before turning and walking out the front door. He drove the short distance off base, pulling into a nearby chain motel and checking in. Despite his emotional day, despite his inability to catch his breath, sleep came easily to Chase, a perfect, uninterrupted, dreamless sleep.

When he woke the next day, Chase felt a sense of calmness settle over him, despite the events of the night before. He was up early, and after a quick breakfast at the motel buffet, Chase drove back on to base and straight to his commanding officer’s office.

“Chase! What brings you down this way?” His commanding officer stood and shook his hand.

“I'd like to request new orders Sir, I'm ready to be redeployed.” There was no hesitation in Chase’s voice, he knew that this was the right thing to do, for both him and Stevie.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes Sir, I am,” Chase nodded.

“Very well, I’ll have your papers drawn up today.”

“Thank you.”

Chase spent the rest of his day at work, returning to his motel shortly before sunset, eating another meal at the motel buffet, before returning to his room, where he kicked off his boots and fell into bed. The rest of the week passed in a never changing routine of a motel breakfast, work, a motel dinner, and bed, again and again. It wasn’t until Friday that Chase heard from his commanding officer. Chase’s new orders had been approved, he would be shipping out on Thursday, redeploying back to the endless dusty landscape that had started this entire journey, an irony that was not lost on Chase. For a fleeting moment he wondered if this was God punishing him, testing him, but he quickly dismissed that idea. He knew that God was not mean or spiteful, that He didn’t punish or test His followers, not in the that some doubters felt He did. If God was leading him back to where it all started, then He must have a reason, He must feel that Chase was strong enough to endure the experience. Chase would trust in Him, as he did in all ways, and know that He alone was in charge of Chase’s destiny.

Chase kept going to his support group, and had trusted in them more each week. He had told them about Stevie, and this week had told them that he had requested new orders. They had been sorry that Chase had been unable to work everything out with Stevie, and had promised to continue to pray for him while he was stationed abroad. Chase had considered telling Stevie that he was deploying in a few days, but decided against it. He had been here for almost a week now, and she hadn’t contacted him, not via his cell phone or email, and not at work. It was clear that she did not wish to speak with him, Chase doubted very much that she would care if he was overseas or not. Chase had informed his parents, his mother had been devastated that he had left Stevie and had cried for Chase when he had told her why he had left, and what had really happened when Kyle had died. Both his mother and father had told him that it wasn’t his fault and had begged him to see Stevie before he deployed, but Chase had already made up his mind. His parents had told him that they were driving down next week, and that they would see him the day before he deployed, and the thought of seeing them again cheered Chase immensely.

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