Page 33 of The Gunnery Sergeant's Ready-Made Family

Chase couldn’t believe his eyes, Stevie was actually here, and by the looks of it, she was determined to have her say. It wasn’t ideal, Chase would have preferred to speak with her somewhere else, anywhere else, instead of here in front of other soldiers who were set to deploy with him, it didn’t look well for a soldier who was leading a platoon if he wasn’t able to take care of his own home, but it seemed that would have to be something he worried about later, Stevie was here now, stabbing her finger into his chest, demanding his attention. He couldn’t deny her request, she was right, he did owe her that much at least, she had heard him out the other night, and now it seems that it would be his turn.

“You’re right,” he nodded, “would you like to go inside?” Chase gestured to Annette’s Diner, open early and serving the soldiers and their families who had already arrived.

“I don’t think you want this conversation overheard, do you?” Stevie arched an eyebrow in his direction. She had spirit; he would give her that.

“No,” he dropped his duffel bag, resigned to the conversation ahead.

“Ah, we’ll go inside Chase and let you two talk,” his parents scurried away, avoiding Stevie’s gaze. He wasn’t surprised, he had overheard his mother’s phone call with Stevie yesterday and had heard the hurt in Stevie’s voice. His mother had been equally distraught when Chase had informed his parents that he had redeployed and intended to divorce Stevie. They had driven straight down to talk to him, to try and see if they could help repair whatever damage had been done. He had told them everything, the way Kyle had died, his feelings for Stevie, how she had reacted when he told her, he had left nothing out. His parents had been supportive and had begged him to go back to Stevie, to talk to her again, but Chase had refused. It had been the longest week of his life, staying away from Stevie. At first, he had managed to convince himself that it was for the best, that he was doing her a favour by leaving her alone, that it was the kinder option, but as the week went on, he was forced to admit to himself that he was avoiding her for his own reasons, because he didn’t want to face her again, because he was ashamed of what he had done, and scared of what he would see when he looked in her eyes.

“Are you okay, Chase?” The question took him by surprise, it was the last thing Chase expected Stevie to ask him.

“Yes,” he nodded, relieved to know that with Chaplain Barnes’s help, he actually meant it. “What about...everyone,” he finished lamely, too chicken to ask after her directly.

“Ranger is fine, he misses you though, he asks about you every day, he doesn’t understand why you won’t see him,” Stevie’s smile was sad. “Finn learned a new sound, ba, although Ranger is convinced he was saying bath. Gran is worried about you.”

“What about you, Stevie, how are you?”

“I miss you.” Her answer, though simple, made his heart constrict. “I’m sorry Chase, truly sorry, that I didn’t say anything the other night. I was so angry with you I couldn’t think straight, will you hear me out now, please?”

“I will.”

“I felt so hurt and betrayed when you told me that you had lied to me. For three months Chase, you lied to me, our life together was a lie,” Stevie shook her head, “it was like a slap in the face, I couldn’t believe it. And the thought that you had been carrying the burden of guilt over Kyle’s death, which was not your fault by the way, all by yourself, was devastating. Why hadn’t you trusted me enough to share that burden? It was hard for me to understand, why would you do something like that, why would you deliberately keep that burden to yourself? I was absolutely gutted, Chase. I just didn't know what to think. And then you go and add into the mix that you love me, I was floored, I just couldn't comprehend what you were saying, my mind couldn't process it. So, I left. I am so sorry Chase, I left so that I could think things through, not as a reaction to anything that you had said, that's why I had to come here today, I had to see you before you deployed, I had to speak to you, I had to make you understand, to see the truth, before I lost the chance. I didn't want you deploying, taking chances, trying to prove yourself, redeeming yourself for a burden that was not yours to carry.”

“What are you saying, Stevie?” Chase hardly dared to hope that she was saying what he thought she was saying.

“I don't blame you for Kyle’s death Chase, nobody does, it wasn’t your fault, you did nothing wrong. Kyle loved you like a brother Chase, he would have gladly stepped in front of a bullet for you, and I know that you would have done the same for him, so stop blaming yourself for something that you had no control over. Kyle’s death was not your fault, do you hear me?”

“Stevie, I...How can you say that?”

“Chase, look at me, I forgive you. I forgive you for concealing the truth of Kyle’s death from me. Did you hear me, Chase? I forgive you; I prayed about it and have forgiven you in words and intent. I have spent hours in prayer, Chase, trying to make sense of everything. I see now why you might have wanted to keep this to yourself, it is a heavy burden to carry, and an impossible one to set aside. How can you speak about it? When it impacted us all, when it changed our lives irrevocably? I understand, Chase, but listen to me, I forgive you, and I think it is time that you forgave yourself as well.”

“I have, Stevie. I went to Chaplain Barnes yesterday and with his help, and with the Lord’s help, I was able to forgive myself. I saw how Kyle’s death looked from another perspective, and I realised that I was not to blame, Kyle didn’t die because of me, he died for me, his last act was one of kindness and compassion for me, he would have hated that I blamed myself for his death,” Chase admitted candidly.

“Yes, he would have,” Stevie agreed. “I also forgive you for lying about your feelings for me, I can understand why you would have done that. I, ah, also have a confession to make of my own. I didn’t realise it at the time, it wasn’t until much later that I realised what a fool I had been, but the reason I was so upset with you lying to me, was because I thought you knew that you could trust me explicitly, I was upset you didn’t trust me, and that feeling came from the fact that I love you,” she shrugged. “Maybe I always have, I had the biggest crush on you as a teenager.” Chase watched as Stevie’s face turned a delightful shade of red. “I know you want a divorce, Chase, and I won’t contest it, I just couldn’t let you deploy without knowing how I felt, I couldn’t have lived with myself had something happened and you never knew. I just wanted you to know, and now that you do, I will be going. Please be safe over there.”

“Stevie, wait,” Chase reached out and grabbed her elbow. “Say it again,” he coaxed with a smile.

“I forgive you.”

“No, the other part.” Chase had to hear her say it, had to make sure that he hadn’t misheard her.

“Please be safe over there.”

“Stevie, please,” Chase begged.

“Chase, I love you, I am in love with you.” Stevie looked Chase in the eye as she spoke, not a trace of doubt in her words.

“I don’t understand, how can this be true?”

“One Corinthians chapter thirteen verses four to eight. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease, where there are tongues, they will be stilled, where there is knowledge, it will pass away. It took your confession to make me see what was in front of me all this time.”

“Stevie, please, I need to know, is this real? This isn’t a joke or a dream, this is really happening?”

“Yes, Chase, it is real.”

“I thought that you walked away because you blamed me too, I thought you wanted me gone. That’s why I left, I thought it would be easier on you and the kids if you didn’t have to see me there anymore.”

“Chase,” Stevie’s voice broke, “I’ve been frantic this week, I couldn’t find you, I didn’t know where you had gone or if you were safe, I was out of my mind with worry. Is this why you decided to deploy? Were you going to deploy and then serve me with divorce papers?”

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