Page 5 of The Gunnery Sergeant's Ready-Made Family

“I don’t have survivor’s guilt.” Chase knew he didn’t, what he had was a case of straight out everyday regular guilt.

“Chase, earlier on you said that you would never put Stevie through the truth of Kyle’s death. What did you mean?”

“It’s classified.”

“I think you’ll find that I am very good at keeping secrets Chase. If you ever need to talk, about anything, whatever it is that is on your mind, my door will always be open.”

“Thank you.”

Stevie came back into the room, touching Chase lightly on the shoulder as she passed, looking more composed than when she had left.

“I’m sorry, I’m ready to continue now.”

“Let’s start with the casket,” the chaplain began, “closed, did you know if you wanted cedar or willow?”

“Wait,” Stevie’s voice cut across the table, “what about an open casket?”

“That might not be the best idea.” The chaplain hesitated.

“Why not? We did that with Amanda and it was nice for the boys to see her lying there, so peaceful.”

“Stevie,” Chase shook his head once, reaching over to take her hand in his, looking her straight in the eyes, “Kyle would not want you to see him like this. I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you or the boys, that is the last thing I would ever want, but you need to trust me, with his injuries it needs to be a closed casket.”

“Okay,” Stevie nodded.

“I’m not sure about preferences chaplain, perhaps we could go with the funeral director’s choice in this,” Chase looked to Stevie for confirmation.

“I’ll let them know. Now,” the chaplain consulted his list, “flowers on the casket. People usually opt for white, but if Kyle had a favourite colour, maybe you could use that in the bouquets.”

“No,” this time it was Stevie who shook her head. “I want five photographs displayed on the casket. One of Kyle in his dress uniform, one of Kyle and Amanda on their wedding day, one of Kyle and Amanda with the children, one of Kyle and I with our grandmother, and one of Kyle and Chase together. It’s important, it is what Kyle would have wanted.”

By the time Stevie and Chase had finished their meeting with the chaplain and climbed back into Kyle’s truck, Chase felt utterly wrung out. He could only imagine how Stevie was feeling. He drove the long way back to the house, wanting to give Stevie some more time to sort out her emotions before arriving back at the house. When they got in they found Finn sound asleep in his portable crib in the lounge room, and Ranger helping Nikki to bake sugar cookies, happily sampling the dough as he went, rushing to give Stevie a hug when he saw her.

“Aunt Stevie, Grans letting me help, she says I’m real good at the mixing, but not Finn, he’s too little,” he informed them matter-of-factly.

“I can’t wait to try them, they look yummy.” Stevie smiled down at her nephew. “And don’t you worry about Finn, soon he’ll be as big as you, and you can teach him how to help make the cookies.”

Excusing himself, Chase changed into his running gear and left the house, feet pounding the pavement, legs churning as he went faster and faster in a desperate effort to evade the demons chasing him, the memories of Kyle’s death that played on a constant loop in his head, taunting him, reminding him of how he had let his best friend die.

Chapter Four

Stevie woke to a dark and rainy day, the weather matching her stormy emotions, a fitting day for a funeral, for her brother’s funeral. As tempted as she was to remain curled up on the sofa feigning sleep, she knew she couldn’t, she had too many things still left to do. With a heavy sigh she rose, bare feet touching the cold wooden floorboards, and stretched. She heard soft noises coming from the kitchen and went to investigate, finding Chase standing at the kitchen counter, making coffee.

“Morning,” Stevie yawned, slipping into one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

“Morning,” Chase replied, “coffee?”

“Please.” Chase poured coffee into a mug and added milk, sliding it across the table to her. Stevie gripped it with both hands, soaking in the warmth of the mug, inhaling the aroma of the brew, strong and robust, exactly as she liked her coffee.

“Today’s going to be tough Stevie.”

“I know.” She didn’t elaborate, both of them sitting together, sipping their coffee, lost in their own thoughts.

It wasn’t long before her grandmother came downstairs to join them, Ranger holding fast to her hand. Stevie busied herself with making breakfast, pancakes with scrambled eggs and toast, hoping to tempt everyone’s appetites, knowing that they would need all the sustenance that they could muster to get through the day ahead. After a half-hearted attempt at making small talk, Stevie gave up and went back to pushing her food around on her plate. Eventually she heard Finn stir, and stood, Ranger by her side, to go and tend to him. Before she knew it, it was time to dress in her sombre black dress, only worn on one other occasion, Amanda’s funeral. She glanced in the mirror at her reflection, cloudy blue eyes stared back, dark smudges hinting at her sleepless night. There was a light tap on the bathroom door, and Stevie opened it, finding Chase standing in the hallway, clad in his dress uniform. He reminded her so much of Kyle at that moment that she had to swallow the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat.

“It’s time Stevie.”

Stevie took his offered hand and walked with him side by side to the lounge room where her grandmother was already waiting, Ranger and Finn with her. As Stevie took Ranger’s hand, her heart ached for him, standing there in a mini suit, looking suddenly so small and defenceless.

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