Page 31 of Bad Wolf

Christ, this thing is ridiculous.

Even though it’s a beast of a machine, when he takes me through the controls, the mechanics are pretty straightforward. Eventually, Bernie is happy I’m not going to mess any of it up, and tells me we’re all set.

I sign on the dotted line and he rips the pink underside of the carbon copy paper, handing it to me with a shiny, black folder containing his details, along with all the car’s history, etc.

And then that’s it.

The quiet man gives me a final smile, sighs as he takes a roving look over the dark grey car, and then gets in the minivan and reverses away.

Now that I’m alone, I inhale a deep breath and then let it go, taking a few seconds to pull myself together, my mind replaying the bittersweet goodbye I had with Dad earlier.

I left him all the literature I’d been collecting over the years about rehab and programs on the tiny kitchen worktop. And I went to our landlord and covered half of the rent.

He’s a decent guy and said he’d make sure he kept it to one side if Dad was able to come up with all the rent this month.

Once I was packed up, Dad pulled me in for a long hug and I prayed it wouldn’t be the last time I ever saw him.

Prayed he could find the strength to start his road to recovery.

I shake away the sight of him looking so defeated and place the bottle of water I had stashed in my bag in the cup holder. Coffee will be taking up the space next to it shortly. I decide to leave the plastic sheet covering the passenger seat also, there will be no spills on these leather seats.

I also lay down some napkins, unwrap the PB&J sandwich I made, and open up a bag of chips. This will keep me going. I’ll need to grab some drive-through tomorrow but for now, this will do.

The car idles, albeit loudly, while I add the hotel into the GPS. My first reservation is in a hotel in Palm Beach, so I’ve got about a three-hour drive ahead of me. With that done, I’m all set.

Right then, here goes nothing.

As I slowly reverse toward the brighter lights of the main street, my grip on the steering wheel goes deathly tight.

I make it out, hitting it at just the right time as the lights shine red, bringing the oncoming traffic to a less scary crawl.

With the part I feared the most out of the way, backing out of what felt like the narrowest alley in Miami, it’s not long before I’m reaching the highway, navigating the turnpike, and finally relaxing into the seat.

It’s been a minute since I’ve driven stick.

I’ll give you one guess who gave me my very first unofficial driving lessons. Back then, Knox was all high energy and had an attitude to boot, but he was always calm and patient with me.

His Dad’s truck would sputter and bunny hop all the way down the street and he never once lost it. He’d just grin and tell me to relax.

He taught me everything. How to drive. How to skate. And as for sex? He taught me all I ever needed to know about what made me feel good, even though we were each other’s firsts, he had a confidence about him.

No one since has ever been able to live up to him. Locked in those dreamy, steamy memories, is where my mind decides to stay as the car eats up the tarmac.

It’s later on in the evening, but it’s still busy. Headlights shine through the windshield as the traffic ahead of me moves at a steady pace. I don’t have any devices that hold music, so I filter through the radio stations, landing on one I think I might enjoy.

The Bangles sing through the speakers and I turn it up just a little.

That’s one of the reasons why I had to spend so much of my downtime at the club, I had no way of playing the songs I needed to rehearse. At home, we just had an old CD player that had seen better days, and the CDs were stacked up in one of those zigzag stands.

The Bangles lead into “Journey” that moves into “Drive” by The Cars, and I gotta say, I’m pleased with the station I’ve picked.

If the car is an extension of Knox’s personality—bold, loud, and all-American muscle that’s built for speed—then the music flowing out of the speakers is an extension of mine.

My stomach flips like always when I think of him, and it’s overwhelming that I’m finally getting the chance to tell him the truth. Before that though, I’m going to have to get him to talk to me.

As the sounds swirl around the car and I begin to sing along, I relax even further.

The song resonates with something inside me. I’m heading back to Knox, back to reclaim all the things I lost, because thereissomething wrong and he’s the only one who’s going to fix it for me.

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