Page 28 of Praldia

Ancelin curtsied, but I'd already turned, heading off towards the residence before she could offer any courteous farewell.

ChapterThirteen

No one said a word to me. Jervaise and Erhaird took my elbow to accompany me up the lift to the top floor. Hartwin stood at my back. Once we reached quarters, he split from us to use Luther's office. No doubt calling Luther to tell him what just occurred.

Jervaise and Erhaird both followed me into the inner quarters but stopped in the sitting room when I entered the bedroom, slamming the doors in their faces. Stepping backward in an arc, my back hit the wall beside the door. That's when the panic washed over me.

"I should have told them to leave, to run. Luther will kill them just because they are Avalonian. I'll lose the last relatives I have."Slipping to the floor, my emotions broiled to the surface.

Hartwin threw the door open before slamming it shut again. "What the hell were you thinking? They could have killed you!"

The tears flowed faster as I shook my head. If there was one person in all the systems who would never harm me, it was Ravid. Hartwin was ready to yell some more but held his tongue. Dropping down in front of me, he gripped my upper arms, speaking quietly, "Zira, we can't protect you if you keep putting yourself in harm's way."

"What do I have to live for, Hart?" I asked between sobs. "I've lost it all. My family, my freedom, my cause. If Luther kills Ravid and Vered, that will be everything gone." My voice croaked. "By the stars, I don't even have love anymore."

Hartwin's face fell as he shook his head. "You will learn to love Luther, Zira. You are already warming to him. I can see it in the way you say his name, the way you move closer to him when he touches you."

"But I will never love him like I loved you."

Closing his eyes, Hartwin sighed. "That was a long time ago, Zira."

"It was only last week for me, Hart. Did you expect me to just stop loving you because you didn't love me?"

"Yes." His grip grew harder on my arms. "That's exactly what you should have done. You knew, Zira, knew I was training to be elite, that it could never be that way between us."

"I know you loved me!" I spat. "You can deny it until the blackness swallows my soul, but I know what you desired, how you felt with me. You will never convince me that it was all a lie."

"I never said it was a lie, Zira. I wanted you, and, for that short time I had you, I never felt so alive. That's all it was, all it could ever be. What you wanted, companionship, children…" Hartwin shook his head. "By the exploding stars! I already knew that Luther wanted you. There was never any chance it was ever going to be more than two people taking pleasure from each other, Zira."

When I shook with my emotions, Hartwin grabbed my chin in his fingers. "Don't give up, Zira. You can find love with Luther. You can still fight for the people; fight for your people. You can create a new family."

"That last, I have no choice over, do I?" Hartwin stood stepping away from me, his face shut down and unreadable. "I hate you, Hart. I hate you because I can't stop loving you. Every day you walk through that door and remind me of the one thing I've ever wanted for myself, and I will never be allowed to have it."

"Zira…"

"I want you off my guard," I sobbed loudly. "It's too much to have you this close to me. I've lost everything, and your presence is like salt in the deepest wound of my soul."

"Luther won't do that. Especially after today."

"He will when I tell him about us," I murmured.

Hartwin's grip was a fire in my arms as he dragged me up the wall to stand before him. "Don't do that, Zira. It will hurt us all. He's just lost his sister to treason, and now you want to tell him I stole his companion's heart before he even got a shot at it? You aren't that cruel and vindictive."

Part of me wanted to spit in his face, to claim I could be that heartless. Instead, I stared into his eyes, and I knew he was right. Squeezing my eyes closed over the tears that suddenly flooded down my cheeks, I sobbed.

"We will just keep on like we have this past week." Hartwin's grip on my arms softened. Touching a hand to my cheek, he slid it down my jawline beneath my chin, and his palm cupped one side of my neck. I softened into the warmth of his large hand. "I will guard you. We will be friends. You will learn to love your companion, and one day, you will wake up, and all I will be to you is a friend in your soul. What happened between us was years ago. It's time to let it go."

"It was you that first night," I whispered

"What?"

"Those first nights with Luther. It was you I felt touching me, your mouth, and hands. It was you I imagined being with to allow him to touch me." Hartwin stood staring at me, his face only inches from mine. Falling against the wall hard, I felt crushed and humiliated. "I never meant anything to you?"

"You are my friend, Zira. I care for you as my friend." His touch was gentle at my waist as he supported me to stop me from crumbling to a weeping mess on the floor.

"Do you rip all your friend's clothes off and fuck them until they can't breathe from your desire?" I stepped into him angrily. "Do you tell all of your friends how beautiful they are, how they drive you crazy, and test your resolve?" I looked up and met his eyes with my final plea. "Do you make love to all your friends then tell them they are too intoxicating and leave them confused and crying by a river? Or was I just a special case?"

"Zira, don't do this," his voice a quiet plea of its own. My hands were clenched with his shirt in my fists, his clamped down over mine.

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