Page 21 of Grand Love

My eyes well unexpectedly and I dip my head, biting my cheek as I try to get my emotions under control.

“Do you want me to stay for a while?” Vinny asks, stepping up and blocking me from view.

I stare at his chest, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.

“I will be here tomorrow. Five fifteen,” Mason states from the door.

Vinny turns when I don’t say anything, nodding his head.

The door slams shut, making me flinch.

“He hates me, doesn’t he?” I run my hands through my hair.

“He could never hate you, Nina.”

“You go.” I wave him off. “I’m gonna have an early night.”

I turn and walk to the kitchen, setting up the steriliser and filling it with bottles. My mind drifts back to my message to Mason earlier and his short reply.

“He doesn’t hate you, Nina.”

“No, it’s okay, Vinny. I think it’s easier if this is how it is. I don’t think I’d survive a conversation with the man. I’m just being silly.” I turn on the steriliser and turn towards him. “You go, I’m fine.” I smile, swallowing the lump in my throat.

He’s hesitant as he steps up to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into him. “It’s okay, love,” he tells me, eventually leaning back and wiping a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb. “The first time was always going to be the hardest.”

I nod my head, because I knew it would be hard. It’s why I’ve put it off for so long.

“Go get your boy and get some sleep. You need Ellis cuddles.”

I smile into his shirt. “I do. Ellis cuddles are exactly what I need right now.”

Vinny leaves and I finish cleaning up the kitchen.

Somehow, I manage to hold it together, trying my hardest to not let thoughts of Mason in. I’m halfway down the hallway when my legs begin to sway, my shoulders falling as I lift my hand, trying to quieten the sob that escapes me.

My back hits the door and I slide down it, knowing I will wake Ellis if I go inside.

My heart seems to break all over again as the memories flood in.

Ellis Anthony Lowell

Tuesday 5th March 2019

Boy

6lb12oz

20:32pm

Pain radiates across my abdomen, crippling me until I find a breath of air. In through my nose and out through my mouth. My nostrils burn as I inhale deeply. It’s been seven hours of active labour. Unexplainable pain.

“You’re doing incredible, darling.”

I don’t speak. I can’t.

Maggie’s hand finds my back and I drop my head to the bed as the contraction begins to subside. My shoulders drop as I relax.

“Nina, I need you to get up onto the bed so I can examine you,” Kelly, my midwife, tells me.

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