Page 34 of Grand Love

Running has become my new form of release. It’s what I used to do when things got too much at home. I would run around our neighbourhood until I was sure my mum would have passed out or be gone for the night.

It didn’t take a lot to get me back into it again. Joey and I go whenever Ellis is with Mason and sometimes, Joey will watch him for me so I can go alone. It works to fill the void my dancing used to.

For now.

“That’s the idea,” I force out. “You go on without me. I’m good to go at my own pace.”

“You can come back to mine, you know. You don’t have to worry about being at the apartment alone.” He drops to the bench and starts to tie his shoe. “We could get takeout?”

“You have work to do.” I plant my hands on my hips. I know he’s busy.

“Get the girls over then or go out. You haven’t been out in months. You need to find a way to relax on the days you have off.”

“I don’t want a day off!” I snap.

His face drops. A sad smile forms on his lips. “I know that, and I get you can’t turn the emotions off, that’s not what I’m suggesting. I just think maybe you should be finding an outlet for some of this.” He gestures to me.

“This?”

“You know what I mean. Jesus, you’re extra snappy today.”

“What do you mean, this?”

His eyes close briefly as he mulls over his words. “Nina, you haven’t danced in—”

“Goodbye, Joey!” I spin on my heel and take off in the opposite direction to home.

“Nina!”

I don’t need him telling me what I should be doing. He knows this. My entire life, I have made my own choices. I’m not about to have Joey tell me I should be dancing. He has no idea why I stopped. I don’t know why I stopped. All I know is it won’t be forever; I just need some time.

“You know, I’m starting to see the whole issue Mason had with you running off all the time.”

Joey wants to die today.

“Stop talking, please.”

He chuckles, his shoulder bumping mine as he matches my every step. “That’s shit banter, I’m sorry.”

“I want to run alone,” I puff out, trying to control my erratic breathing.

“No, you don’t.”

I peek up at him. He’s looking straight ahead, knowingly giving me the privacy I need after calling me out. He’s right. I don’t want to run alone. I don’t want to go home alone, because when I do, I go home to silence. I used to find peace in my music—my dancing. Then I found it in Mason, but at some point, the line became blurred, and when Mason left, so did the music.

“I’ll be here until Sunday. Just let me know when you need me, okay?”

I don’t answer him.

I know he knows how grateful I am to have him.

* * *

“Is anyone going to eat that?”Megan asks, leaning in and taking the last taco before we can answer.

“Do we have a choice?” Scarlet laughs as Megan bites into it.

“Nope.”

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