Page 40 of Grand Love

Throwing back my covers, I pull on my leggings and hoodie and take off out of my bedroom.

No matter how strong I want to be sometimes, loneliness wins.

I jog down the street to Joey’s building, my heart feeling heavier than it has in months as it pounds in my chest. Flipping through my key chain, I find the right one and unlock the door.

“Joe.” I shake his shoulder once in his bedroom. “Joe.”

“Hmmm,” he muses.

“Joe.”

“Nina?” He sits up, blinking at me until he can focus. “What’s up?”

“I just…” I pause, looking around the room as if it holds all the answers.

He pulls back the covers and climbs on top, creating a barrier. “Here.”

I slide under, putting my back to his front. He wraps me in his arms, but I don’t sleep. Joey isn’t my home, and I destroyed mine over something that might not have been true.

* * *

Mase

My head isheavy when I wake. Ellis is still sleeping soundly in his cot, so I go to the kitchen and make myself a coffee, taking his monitor with me. I couldn’t sleep last night. Nina sat on my office floor crying, haunted me till the early hours.

Why was she crying?

I knew seeing her after all this time would bring back feelings from before and it has, but I also feel angrier than ever. I came to terms with the fact that she would never come back to me the minute I left the hospital, and I didn’t want her back. Too many people have left me in my life. Too many important people. I can’t give her any more chances to fuck me up.

At first, I tried to shut Scar and the boys out, finding it easier to keep my distance and turn my feelings off.

You can’t hurt if you don’t feel.

Scarlet pulled my ass in line when I was at my lowest and thank fuck she did. Ellis didn’t need a deadbeat dad. I cleaned up my shit, stopped the drinking and meaningless fucking I’d been hiding behind, and made sure I was there for his birth and the days that followed.

Becoming a dad is my proudest moment to date. I’m a different man to who I was twelve months ago.

I drink my coffee and wake Ellis, dressing him and packing up his things. It’s only eight thirty, so we lie on my bed for a while. I let him babble, absorbing his every sound and committing them to memory.

I know little moments like these are special.

“Yeah… then what happened?” I ask him.

He continues to chatter, grabbing my stubble and pulling my head down to his.

“Well, I’d have to agree.”

He grins up at me and I smooth my thumb over his dimple before placing a kiss there.

“We have to go home soon, buddy,” I tell him. “You’ll be good for Mummy, won’t you? She needs extra cuddles today.”

“Da Da Da Da.”

“I’ll miss you, little dude. Wednesday will be here before we know it.”

* * *

I makesure we get to Nina’s by ten o’clock on the dot. She throws open the door and smiles wide when she sees Ellis.

---