Page 81 of Grand Love

As much as I get what Lucy is saying, it feels impossible. Maybe—hopefully in time things won’t be as electric with Mase. Maybe one day I won’t feel the way I do about him. I don’t tell them about the room above the gym, mostly because I want to take my time, make sure it’s exactly what I want. It’s been a long time since I danced, well over a year, and I worry it won’t come to me like it used to.

“At least Mason is speaking to you,” Scarlet voices from beside me. “He’s been avoiding me.”

“He hasn’t phoned?” I ask, annoyed. I wish he would be better for her; I know the kind of man he can be and this isn’t it.

“No, but he did text last week. Asked if everything was okay. I mean, what does everything entail? The house? Me? Our parents’ graves? The entire estate I manage alone whilst studying medicine?”

“Someone should have a word.” Lucy peers over at me. “I could speak to Ell.”

“No!” Scarlet exclaims. “I don’t want him to be forced into it! If he cared, he would be there. I’m over it anyway.”

“You shouldn’t be left to deal with everything alone, Scarlet. Have you thought about renting the house out like he suggested?” Lucy asks.

“I could never.” She shakes her head vehemently.

When Scarlet decided to return to studying, Mason thought it would be a good idea to propose renting out the estate. I get the logic. She travels daily to the hospital, and she’s alone in the house at night, but I know without having to even ask her that she could never leave. He knows that too.

“I know, but with your studying do you think you can balance it all right now. What if you just offered a twelve-month tenancy?”

“I know it’s not my place,” I chime in, “but I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either. I take Ellis out there as much as possible, and maybe it’s selfish for me to want you to stay but I would hate to see someone else live there.”

Scarlet smiles gratefully up at me, and I know she will appreciate me siding with her on this. “I couldn’t do it anyway; I love it too much.”

“Does it not get lonely?” Megan asks.

I watch as Scarlet swallows thickly, her throat bobbing. “Not really.”

“You are badass, lady.”

“We should come out, have a girls’ night there,” Lucy suggests.

“I was actually thinking of a party.” Scarlet sits up on the sofa a little. “Or like a memorial ball.” She shrugs.

“Fuck yes! Yes! We can go dress shopping!” Megan bounces in her seat excitedly. “Sorry, that was insensitive, the memorial part is super sweet too!” she adds. “Luce, can you get Jean to sort us dresses?”

I roll my eyes at Megan as Lucy and her buzz between themselves. I turn to Scarlet. “This sounds incredible, Scar. Do you need a hand planning?”

“I was banking on it if I’m honest. It was something I thought about a few months back but I wasn’t sure, but I hoped you girls would help me.”

“Of course.” I grin. “Have you thought much into it since?”

“Not really, but maybe Mum and Dad’s wedding anniversary would work date-wise? It’s only next month but I have contacts.”

I beam at her. “That sounds perfect.”

“And you’ll be safe from running into my asshole brother, so that’s one bonus. There’s no way he’d come.” She swigs her wine, hiding her face in the glass.

To think Mason and Scarlet have always been so close and now they’re barely speaking irks me. They should be helping each other, not avoiding contact. Mason is a big boy; he needs to be better and be there for his sister.

Oh, that asshole will be going to the ball alright. With fucking bells on.

* * *

I’m annoyed at myself.For the longest time, I knew I didn’t need Mason. I didn’t want to see him, I had our son, and lived alone as a single mother. But now I stand here with butterflies in my stomach waiting for him to arrive for his five fifteen PT session. How the times have changed.

He became the light in my dark heart for the longest time, but it burned too bright for too long and eventually he burnt me. Now he is starting to glow again, but it’s not the same light as before. It’s like a dull, yellow, annoying gleam that I can block out with the squint of an eye.

Five fifteen on the dot, he bounces up over the steps, ready to work out. He looks delicious this evening, but so does chocolate cake and too much of that causes diabetes. I wonder what too much Mason Lowell would cause… I go with severe vomiting and diarrhoea; it will help me get through the next hour.

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