Page 74 of LOT 62

“She’s doing okay, Madd,” Devon said when I asked him about my mom. “Fell off track a bit, but she’s trying. I’ll give her that.”

“It’s kind of fucked up that my dad, a recovering addict and alcoholic, is the one caring for my current addict and alcoholic mom. Hope he’s handling it okay.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not too different from a lot of couples here,” Devon said. “He’s doing good. I think it gives him something to strive for. Makes him proud of his sobriety.”

I wanted to ask him about his own mistake. I knew he said he was scared and overwhelmed, but I needed to know where his head was at now. At the same time, I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t want him to think I doubted him. Devon was the strongest motherfucker I knew, and I didn’t want him to second-guess his strength in all of this. If he ever did, I wanted him to know he could always come to me.

“How’re you feeling about what happened?” I asked, hoping it came off as supportive rather than accusatory. “Are you worried?”

Devon sighed, draping an arm over his face like I usually did. “I feel fucking stupid about it, Maddox. Like, what the fuck was I thinking? You know? I spent all this time trying not to be like my dad, and then I went and did something like that? It’s fucking embarrassing.”

I pulled his arm off his face and made him look at me. “Don’t feel stupid.” Hewasstupid, but we were all stupid sometimes. Him just more than most. “Just talk to me about it, okay? Wherever shit gets hard, come to me. Always.”

Devon nodded and followed it with a smirk. “You turn into some sort of preacher while you were inside, Madd?”

I rolled my eyes and put my arm behind my head, staring at the ceiling and tracking the water damage with my eyes. “No, but my cellmate was even more of a dumbass than you are, so I spent a lot of time listening to his bullshit.” I linked our fingers on my chest.

“Was he a good guy?”

“No, but he wasn’t terrible either. Kept his mouth shut about things he knew about me.”

Devon didn’t say anything, but I knew he wanted to ask. I knew his insecurities by this point. He didn’t ask, though. Maybe he had… grown. But just to reassure him, I said, “Never. Didn’t touch him. Didn’t look at him. Didn’t touch or look at anyone.”

I felt him smile against my shoulder. “So, when are you proposing?”

“I already asked three times.” I fought a smile.

“I want a real one. With a ring and shit.”

“Oh, I have to do it?”

“Mhm,” he mused, being all cute.

I really did want to do it properly. With a ring and a bullshit speech and all the knee bends my creaky knees could handle. A flare of resentment burned up my chest, reminding me how much control this guy had over me. Fuck him for turning me into this traditionally romantic fuckwit.

“Beer?”Xaviheldacan in front of my face.

I looked across the yard behind Andrea’s trailer, trying to see what Devon drank. “What’s he having?”

“Uh, I think iced tea.”

I didn’t give too many fucks about drinking, so I shook my head at the beer and asked for a lemonade. If my man wanted to dry out, I’d dry out with him. I was already dried out from prison, anyway.

“Happy to be home?” Xavi asked.

“Don’t have a home,” I laughed. “But fuck yes. You have no idea.” I sat in a lawn chair next to Xavi while everyone in the park hung around to drink and eat and shoot the shit. Andrea hosted, but everyone chipped in with different foods and even a few little gifts. Someone gave me a package of white t-shirts, so that helped, and another lady gave me her son’s old boots. Everything else I owned stayed locked up on Lot 62, and we hadn’t gone back to get it. Couldn’t. Maybe some other time.

I kept my eyes on Devon. “I have no idea how I’m going to live, find a job, and make Devon happy, but I never wanna be somewhere he isn’t ever again.”

“So sappy,” Xavi mocked. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and smacked a pathetically loud kiss against the side of my head. “Come to the flea market with me this weekend.”

“Why?” That wasn’t typically something we did together.

“Because. Just come.” He grinned like he had a plan. Always meddling.

“Fine, but only if you tell me if anything happened with you and Nate after you admitted all that shit to me.”

Xavi groaned. “Not yet. Life kind of paused while we worked on your prison break.”

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