Page 20 of Redemption

“What’s there to say?”

“I never slept with Diane. I swear it. On our children, I swear, I never touched her. And I had no idea she was taunting you, otherwise I would’ve made sure she fucking stopped.”

Looking at the ground, she shakes her head. “You should’ve known. I tried to tell you. After the first call, I called you. And you know what you did? You sent me to voicemail. You cut the lines of communication by going to Black Valley and giving me no way to reach you.”

“That’s not entirely true.”

“The only way you’d answer when Noah wanted to say goodnight or tell you about something that happened to him that day was if I texted you first to let you know it was him. If it wasn’t for the kids, you wouldn’t answer. Even on Calla’s birthday, you ignored my call. All of them. But you answered when I called from Psycho’s phone. I stopped getting the time of day a long fucking time ago.”

Reality slaps him in the face. “That’s not what I meant to do. I just needed a break. There’s some shit I’m going through and dealing with, and it was hard to talk to you.”

“Because I’m Mom first and wife second.”

“What?”

“That’s what you told Diane. It took so long to get pregnant with Calla that you can’t have your wife the way you want her. So you get what you need from her instead.”

Narrowing his eyes, he shakes his head. “She said that to you?”

“Said you told her you thought I was broken. That you don’t like being home with us because we’re so demanding. That’s when she told me about your tattoo. I’m guessing all of this came out the night she took that picture of you naked, but it could have been any other night you were there instead of here. She also said she was with you when you’d ignore my calls. Sent a video of you doing it with her on the arm of your chair.”

“Okay, I might’ve said some stuff I shouldn’t have when I was drunk-”

“Anything between us should never have been said. Our marriage, our kids, nothing. But you did, and you gave her the tools she needed to chip away at me. Sharp tools.”

He feels guilty. There’s no argument for what he did, and he can’t blame anyone but himself. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But Lex, this can’t be the entire reason. How did I turn you into someone you hate? What do you mean by that?”

Taking a deep breath, she looks away. “Something changed with us. You don’t want me anymore, and I started picking myself apart. Every little thing I found wrong with me added to the reasons why you didn’t seem to desire me anymore.”

“Lex-”

“Is it the baby weight I couldn’t seem to get rid of? Do you find the stretch marks on my stomach disgusting? Were my thighs and hips too big to find attractive anymore? Are you just tired of me? Should I get surgery to nip and tuck and lift? Maybe get bigger boobs. Would you want me then?”

His stomach churns. How the hell did she get there? “I still want you.”

She laughs dryly. “No, you don’t. My husband would try and mount me when covered with blood and mud and being so tired he could barely stand. Now, you shower the moment you get home, never want me to join you, you don’t join me, and you barely touch me. The few times you have, it’s been for you. Then you roll over and go to sleep. Our connection disappeared.”

“Baby, I love you. And I want you. Nothing has changed that.”

Her finger spins in a circle next to her temple. “When Diane started reaching out, I questioned everything. Things with us changed. Then, when you started showering right away, the moment you stepped in the door, I started thinking maybe it was to wash the scent of someone else away. Are you not interested in sex with me anymore because you’re getting it in Black Valley? Is that why you lied and volunteered to be out there all the time? Are you starting a new life? For months, these questions ran over and over in my head. Still do.”

Holy shit. Of everything she could have said, this was the last thing he expected. “No. None of that is true.”

“If you aren’t sleeping with her, how’d she get you naked to take a picture, Colt? How’d she know about the meaning behind your tattoo?”

“Because she apparently helped me into bed after I drank so much I was almost to the point of needing a fucking hospital stay. Trust me, I couldn’t have fucked her even if I wanted to. And I don’t want to.”

Turning, she shrugs. “It’s not just about her. It’s about the pathetic person I’ve become.”

“That’s not true.”

“I did everything I could think of. I’d go above and beyond trying to reignite the spark that disappeared. I made your favorite meals, did my best not to get after you for being late or not coming home at all, dressing up to try and entice you. You didn’t care. No matter what, I couldn’t get you to spend time at home. Colt, I cried, on my knees, and begged you to stay for a weekend. One weekend. And you refused.” Her hands slap her chest. “That’s not me! That’s never been who I am!”

The pain in her voice sends panic through him. He has to fix this. This wasn’t what he thought his actions would cause, but he really did ignore everything she put into the relationship. She’s right. She fought hard, and she fought alone.

“Baby, we can fix this. I promise, we’ll find a way to move past it. This was never my intention, and I’m not having a kid with that bunny.”

“You still don’t get it,” she says and turns to look at him, tears filling her eyes as they fall down her cheeks. “It’s not just the fact you may be sleeping with someone else. The reason I’m devastated is the fact you did this. You put yourself in a position for me to doubt you. Doubt us. I don’t know what to believe, but I know I don’t trust you. You’ve lied and created this situation where all I do is question everything about us. But worse than that, you’ve made me question myself.”

---