Page 41 of Redemption

Nodding, she giggles. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“I still love everyone in the club. I always will. But I can’t be in that environment anymore. I can’t be reminded every day what I lost and don’t have anymore. The thing that came before me and my family and broke us. Can you understand that?”

“Yeah, hunny, I can.”

“I also can’t be the strong one anymore. The person with all the answers and fixes all the problems. That pedestal grew way too damn high, and I’m scared of heights. I have nowhere else to go but down, and I don’t want to fall on my face any more than I already have.”

Her hand rubs Lex’s arm. “We miss you.”

“I miss you, too. Well, right now, I don’t missallof you. But the club was my life for so long. I just need a break and to step back because I can’t do it anymore. The pain becomes unbearable when I’m with everyone.”

“Like last night?”

“Especially last night. I’m on the outside looking in now, and it’s easier to pretend that’s not the case when I’m not around it. But it was for Heidi, so I put my big feelings aside. She deserved that party.”

“You deserve to be happy, Lex. I think part of the reason I took it so personally is because I wish you would’ve talked to me. Let me know what was going on. You have a big problem.”

She laughs. “Just one?”

“Pretty much. You try to handle all the big things on your own. You don’t let people in, and it was only a matter of time before you broke. It took a lot longer than most of the women in the club, but it was inevitable with the way you were going. I know it hurts, but we’re still here for you.”

“Thanks, Tess. That means a lot.”

“Although, I should slap you silly for last night.”

Raising her eyebrows, she turns and looks at the older woman. “Excuse me? Me?”

“Yes,you. My daughter-in-law talked back to me for the first time since I’ve known her. She learned that strength from you, you know that?”

“Avery’s stronger than I’ll ever be. She just doesn’t realize her own strength.”

“Ain’t that the truth?”

“I appreciate you stopping by.”

Tess kisses her temple and stands. “I meant what I said. I’m still here if you need me. Your mother may be in Arizona, but you have plenty of surrogate mothers still here for you. Even Goldie. You should have heard her chew my ass on the way home. You know she sucks at apologies.”

“Don’t we all?”

Lex watches the older woman drive away, and her chest aches. She always loved Tess, and thinking she hated her hurt. But it hurts more knowing she’s without the family she depended on, even though she rarely leaned on them.

Another familiar white vehicle pulls into her driveway, and she smirks at the peace sign Goldie gives her. The feeling of being watched makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and she looks around for any sight of someone who doesn’t belong.

“I come in peace,” Goldie says, her crazy, blonde perm seemingly growing taller with every passing year. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Lex says and takes one last look around. “Something doesn’t feel right.”

“Like what?”

How does she explain it? There’s nothing that goes bump in the night. No threats of any kind. But someone watches her. She knows it. “I don’t know yet. What’s up?”

She sits down next to Lex. “About last night… the thing… and then… well… we left… and, yeah.”

Turning, she looks at her with her face scrunched up. “What?”

“Fuck, I’m never good at this. With Trunk, I just had to take my top off, and all was forgiven. That wouldn’t work on you by chance, would it?”

“Uh, no. I appreciate the offer, though. It’s been a long while since anyone offered to get undressed for me. I’m in one hell of a dry spell.”

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