Page 42 of Redemption

“How long?”

How long has it been? “God, we’ve been separated for about six months or so, and it was at least four months before then. Ten months?”

Her jaw drops. “You’re lying.”

“I wish,” she says and leans against the railing. “I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t one of the things I miss the most. Being manhandled and thoroughly fucked always made everything better.”

“It was really that long?”

“Before that last time, it had been a couple of months at least. It’s hard to have sex with someone who never comes home.”

Her bottom lip trembles. “I’m sorry for what I said to you last night.”

“It’s okay-”

“No, it’s not. I get jealous of everyone who has men in their lives, and I get so green with envy that I don’t see the rest of it. It’s my own little pity party I wallow in. But that’s not fair to you. I basically told you that you should just suck it up and suffer in a bad marriage because I lost my husband. That’s just stupid.”

“You didn’t know, Goldie. No one did, really. I didn’t want you to. Part of it was protecting him. The last thing I wanted was bad opinions of him because I was complaining. But the other part was protecting myself. I didn’t want anyone to see the pathetic person I’d become.”

Her hand rubs Lex’s back. “You aren’t pathetic.”

She lets out a loud laugh. “Oh, I was as pathetic as they came. Deep down, I still wish he’d show up here, apologize, tell me how wrong he was, and we’d be okay. It would take some time, but we’d be okay. I hate that part of me so much.”

“Would it be okay?”

“If he could admit he was wrong and take accountability for his actions, I think we could. Assuming my kids don’t have a half-brother or sister out there somewhere. That may not be something I could get over.”

“Is it really a possibility?”

The feeling of eyes on her disappears, and she turns her head when a tree branch snaps around the house. Was someone here?

“Anything’s a possibility,” she says and turns back to Goldie. “He wasn’t fucking me, and he wanted to be out in Black Valley for some reason. He and I got so far away from each other, it’s the doubt that kills me the most.”

“Lex, I wish I could say or do something to make it all better.”

“Tell me you won’t hate me if I decide to move on with my life. Without Colt and without the club.”

Giving her a smile, she nods. “I wouldn’t hate you. I’d be a hypocrite because I’ve been kind of seeing someone outside the club for a couple of months now.”

“What?”

“No one knows, so you can’t say anything. Not even Tess.”

Her jaw drops open. No way.

“Don’t look at me like that. A woman has needs. It’s nothing serious. Just sex. My heart went with Trunk, and I’ll never have it back to give to someone else. And I’m okay with that. Do you hate me?”

“I think it’s about time. And as far as your heart goes, I think you have it still. It’s just still cracked and broken. Trunk wouldn’t want you to be lonely, Goldie. I believe that with all my heart. It may be shattered into a million pieces, but all those pieces tell me that.”

“Thanks, baby,” she says and hugs her. “Do what you have to do to be happy.”

If only it was that simple.

Chapter 16

Griffin’s Beach

Colt

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