“Your father and Zane will be fine.”
“Not just them. I don’t know how best to explain it, but my childhood was made bearable by so many of them under that roof. And even when I’m livid pissed at them, I could never do anything that could put them in danger. Not unless I had to.”
“It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex. Especially if it risks your happiness.”
It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex. It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex. It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex. It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex. It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex. It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex. It’s not your job to save everyone, Lex.
The words swirl in her head on repeat, and she lets out a sob. If only everyone believed that. “It’s who I am. It’s what everyone expects of me. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is being the one always looked to for every problem? To find solutions anyone else could see if they stepped back a step? It’s the one good thing about stepping away. It was too much, and I was going to fall. No, I wasn’t going to. I did. Flat on my face. Lost my dignity with it.”
“You don’t owe them anything. You’ve given them more than anyone else has.”
“Diesel was the father I didn’t have growing up. And Ky was my brother. Zane made my life hell as a kid, and still, all I want is for him to love me. VP had to constantly choose, and I lost every time. And I know if I need anything, I can call Diesel and Ky, and they’d be here in minutes.”
Grayson studies her. “I don’t follow.”
“They’re the ones I’m protecting. Not to mention Shep and Psycho. And even though I wish I didn’t, I still love Colt.” The words nearly catch in her throat like a rock, and she lets out another sob. “I don’t want to anymore, but I can’t seem to stop.”
His hand rubs her arm. “It’ll get easier.”
“No, it won’t. And I have a feeling in my gut that my love for him will get me killed one of these days,” she whispers. “At least he’s learning how to be the father our kids need. He might be their only parent soon.”
Grayson freezes, his eyes locked on her. “What did you just say?”
“You’re not a cop anymore, so I can tell you all this. The Slashers sent someone to my house the night you were shot. Knocked out the two guards watching the place, and Colt killed him outside as he tried to get in Calla’s window.”
“Why didn’t he kill the guards?”
“Exactly. He was a warning. A message. The fact that only one of the, like, fifteen guys who shot you had a gun and didn’t circle back to kill Ashley like they could have was also a message.”
She feels his heart race on her arm through the palm of his hand on her shoulder. “What kind of message?”
“They have something planned. This is only the beginning, and I know whatever it is involves me. I can feel it. I don’t know much about them, but I know they’re ruthless. There’s no way I’ll be able to talk my way out of whatever they have planned for me.”
“Why you?”
“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “But something tells me I’m who they want. That the guy was a message for me. Because Colt was right. I have my own reputation, and I would’ve murdered that man right where he stood if he’d gotten into my house. Mama bear is real.”
Running his hand over his face, he leans back. “And Ashley could be a target, too?”
“It’s possible, but I don’t think so.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because she’s not as integrated with the club. She’s a daughter, but she’s not an old lady.”
“So the old ladies are at risk.”
He doesn’t get it. He’s trying to rationalize why her gut is wrong, and she loves him for it. Like a brother. Trying to point out the flaw in her logic in an effort to calm her is nothing short of admirable.
“Could be. But there are only two of us that would be the most impactful.”
“Who?”
“Think about it.”
He turns and lets out a breath. “You and Lily.”
“We’re daughters, wives, and mothers of the club. I’ve already talked to Lily, and Phoenix turned their house into a fortress after Autumn’s stalker almost killed Colt in their upstairs bedroom. She’s the safest there.”