Page 125 of I Shouldn't Love This Way

“Mm hm. Are you?”

“Yes.” I kissed her head and cuddled her closely. “I’m right where I need to be.”

“Can we listen to some music?”

“Sure, sweetheart.”

Her blue iPod was resting on the nightstand next to me.

“So, I have a playlist of my own?” I noticed my name on the screen.

Aria smiled, hiding her face in my chest.

“You like doing that, don’t you?”

“Doing what?” Her voice sounded muffled.

“Hiding yourself.”

“Only when I feel embarrassed.” She looked up at me. “If I could hide myself completely in you, I would.”

“Oh, yeah?” I arched an eyebrow. “How come?”

“You know the answer to that question.”

“No, I don’t,” I lied.

She fixated on the buttons of my shirt and fidgeted with them, saying, “Because you make me feel so protected. Hiding inyour body would feel… familiar, as if it’s the safest place ever. I can’t explain it—like if I had to surrender to anyone, it would be you.”

This moment was bittersweet. I felt good knowing I could protect her in a fatherly way. But I had failed to love her in the same sense.

Her lips were so tempting to kiss. I had to remind myself not to go there as I forced my gaze on her hypnotic eyes.

“Is this another ‘I’m-hiding-my-face-in-your-chest-’cuz-I-feel-embarrassed’ moment?” I teased.

“No.” Aria giggled. “This is a: ‘I’m-hiding-my-face-in-your-chest-’cuz-I-secretly-have-an-embarrassing-cologne-fetish’ kind of moment.” Her cheeks tugged upwards, revealing her beautiful smile. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“What did I miss out on these past five weeks?”

I couldn’t tell her everything that was on my mind, so I settled for option two: a synopsis of what life was like for me last month.

“Well”—I stroked her hair—“ever since they moved you into the head trauma unit, I’ve been by your bedside, praying you would wake up.”

“Praying?” She was shocked. “You don’t believe in God.”

I felt anxious as I tried to explain my newfound faith. “You made me a believer the second you opened your eyes,” I admitted. “I knew there was no way I’d pull the plug if it ever came down to that. But I didn’t want you to suffer in a vegetative state for years. I was going out of my mind, Aria. I didn’t want to bury my only daughter. That’s not the natural way of things. A parent should never have to bury their child.”

“I’m not a child, though.”

“You know what I mean.”

She intertwined her fingers with mine and patiently listened while I spoke.

“I took time off from work so I could be here with you around the clock. I can’t explain it, but I felt like you needed me.”

That statement was not a hundred percent true;Iwas the one who needed her.

“Doctor Peters had encouraged us to talk to you as much as possible. He’d said that some patients have woken up from their coma while hearing their favorite music—that’s why we had your iPod playing around the clock every day. Jessica had made a prom playlist for you as well.”

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