Page 134 of I Shouldn't Love This Way

“That sounds great, honey. I’d love a new makeover. But not until you’re better.”

“I’ll get better—positive attitude, right?”

“That’s right.” She smiled.

I didn’t like to see my mother sad. She and I had our differences, and she wasn’t perfect, but I loved her; that would never change.

“Oh!” Mom exclaimed. “I almost forgot to mention I spoke to Vanessa yesterday.”

“She swung by the hospital?”

“No, we had a friendly chat over lunch.”

This can’t be good,I thought in dismay.

“She told me about how she and Noah have been trying to get pregnant.”

Definitely not good.

“… And after years of failed attempts, they finally have a baby on the way! Isn’t that wonderful? You’re gonna have a little brother or sister soon!”

I thought he had stopped screwing her… How could he?

I wanted to breathe into a paper bag before I’d hyperventilate.

“Aria, are you okay? You’ve gone terribly pale.”

“I’m fine.”

No. I wasn’t. I hated feeling things so deeply, as if my heightened humanity were unbearable to feel whenever I was sad.

“How far along is she?”

“Eight weeks.”

That means conception must have occurred around April. Noah and I had been fighting a lot that month,I thought to myself.

“I think I should get a nurse in here,” she said. “You really don’t look so good.” Mom touched my forehead to check if I had a fever.

I tried to convince her I was fine as I smiled and opened the pack of vanilla pudding I had no intention of eating.

“See?”—I ate a few spoons—“Just hungry.”

Despite how nasty it tasted, my mother looked satisfied.

“What else did Vanessa say?” I asked.

“Well, she mainly inquired about childbearing advice. I told her you were my most difficult birth. The first child always is—usually.”

“Has she told Noah the big news?”

“I imagine he’s absolutely thrilled about it by now.”

I wanted to puke—literally vomit all my intestines and die. Okay, that would be painfully graphic, but I wished I had never woken up. I wished I could have stayed in a coma. At least I would have been stuck in my little paradise with the man ofmy dreams, even though everything was just a figment of my imagination. Hearing this news about the pregnancy felt like a betrayal. I had no right to be angry at Noah. I guess I just thought what he and I had was stronger and more meaningful than what he shared with Vanessa. Now she would have a part of him… forever.

“I’m gonna get a nurse in here,” Mom said. “You’ve gone white as a ghost.”

“I’m just tired.”

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