Page 92 of I Shouldn't Love This Way

My snippy attitude was deliberate. I just felt so embarrassed that he’d read my diary. All those things I had said about him…God!

“It’s over between me and Vanessa. I’m so sorry for ever doubting you.” He caressed my cheek. “You were right. She had been unfaithful to me all along. Three days ago, my private investigator caught those two hooking up on tape. I had mentioned nothing to Vanessa because I wanted to blindside her with legal papers this Monday.”

While I was happy the truth was out, his decision still hadn’t eliminated my insecurities.

“I’m not a rebound, Noah. I’m going home.” Turning away, he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer.

“God damn it, Aria! Can you please leave your stubborn pride outside of this bedroom and just listen to me? I’m trying to show you how I feel about you.”

You just wanted to stop me from sleeping with Ryan,I blasted in my mind.

“Look around you”—he motioned with his hands—“what do you think this means? Do you honestly believe that Ryan could have pulled this off? It was all me, sweetheart. I was waiting for the two of you to enter your suite to stop things from escalating. When I saw he had come alone… Let’s just say I used that opportunity to make him abandon his plans. I assume he thought I’d take you home and ground you—and believe me, I certainly gave him that impression before he left.”

That sounded like something Noah would do.

“I knew you’d be heading up to the room, and I wanted to avoid a confrontation with you, so I opted for romantic spontaneity. A bellhop had been delivering room service in the hallway, and when I saw a vase full of white roses on his cart, I paid him for a favor. I didn’t want you to recognize my handwriting; I asked him to write that note on my behalf. That silver dollar I left behind for you was a special coin my father had given me.

“I’ve always carried it in my wallet in remembrance of him. When I saw the fountain from the balcony, I thought it was an appropriate time to part with it and leave it in your hands. I swear to God, Aria, as soon as I read your diary, I left the house, drove to my friend’s tailor shop, and suited up in a tux. I have no regrets about coming here and sabotaging your plans with a boy that youthinkyou love.”

But I wasn’t in love with Ryan; this I already knew.

“Do you understand what I’m trying to say here?” Noah sounded serious. “I had made my decision hours ago. There was no way I could leave knowing you were leaving me. I called the hotel and booked this penthouse suite as soon as I’d discovered your plans. I showed up ahead of time and waited for the right moment to intervene.” He swallowed hard, searching my eyes. I had never seen him so vulnerable before. It was a whole new side to him.

“Allow me to reiterate some facts so that it’s crystal clear to you on where I stand with my feelings: that note was from me. I left you that rose; I asked you to make that wish by the fountain; and I was hoping you’d wish for me to be here… for me to be the one who was waiting for you.” He held my hands and caressed them with his thumbs, never taking his heated gaze off me. “All that matters now is that you’re here and I’m here,” he added. “Together, like we’re meant to be.”

This situation was difficult for me to digest.

“Aria, I’m gonna ask you again… Did your wish come true?” His voice was gentle, and his eyes looked so beautiful in the burning glow of the candlelight, reminding me of the sun setting across the ocean.

“I’m not sure,” I replied, looking at our hands. “I wished…”

Noah tilted my chin up. “Tell me. I want you to look at me when you say it.”

But I was still afraid to express myself.

“I wished that you… would fall in love with me… like I am with you.”

The truth was out. His eyes had become warm, as if he were caressing my soul as he said, “If I wasn’t in love with you, I wouldn’t be here trying to pour my heart out to you.” His confession was fearless, shaking me to my core.

No… this can’t be happening.The Devil loves doubt, I thought; he was alive and on my shoulder.

“It’s been an endless power struggle between us for a while now, Aria.” Noah cupped my face. “But you win.” He wiped my tears and murmured, “You win.”

All my guards came crashing down when I noticed a flicker of emotion in his misty gaze.

“You own every part of me,” he confessed. “And I want to possess every part of you. I can’t ignore the way I feel about you any longer. I’m ready to give you what you need. I’m ready togive you what you’ve needed from me all this time.” Removing his blazer, he threw it over an armchair in the corner of the room. “I’m sorry it took me this long. I can’t stand the possibility of you loving another man the way you love me—that thought alone just makes me want to stop breathing. Every day I’ve had to ignore my heart, even though it’s been constantly screaming for me to tell you how I feel whenever you’re around me.” Noah loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt.

“It killed me knowing I could never touch you the way I wanted. I love you with every fiber of my being,” he continued. “When I look at you, I see my reflection, and it tears me up inside because I can’t figure out how it’s possible to be in love with a reflection of myself—it’s narcissistic—it’s wrong, but my heart begs to differ. You are a part of me. You complete me. I don’t want to live without you. You were right when you said that we can’t go back.” He caressed my face.

“You breathed life into my broken soul the first day I cast my haunted eyes on you.” Noah paused. “You truly haunted me all my life, Aria. I always felt your presence and had long dreamed of reuniting with you. I just never thought it would be like this”—he stared at my lips—“this love I feel for you… it’s so… forbidden… It sets my soul on fire.”

Noah’s declaration was unbelievably moving as I tried to control the surge of dopamine rushing into my bloodstream.

“You saved me, Aria. All these months I’ve been scared, convinced I would damn us both to Hell if I so much as touched you. But how could two people who love each other so purely belong in Hell? How could God punish us when my love for you transcends the meaning of love? What I feel for you exceeds everything I’ve ever felt with loving a woman. I love you so purely and deeply. I would die for you, and I’d gladly welcome resurrection to die a thousand more painful deaths, if it meant you’d be safe from danger. That’s how protective I am of you.”

There was no way I’d let him die for me. The death of him meant the death of me.

Noah took my hand and placed it on his chest, right against the phoenix tattoo. Resting his hand over mine, he said, “Do you feel that?”

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