Page 116 of My Desire (Mi Deseo)

“Tu oscuridad es mi vocación,” I whisper to the wind as I walk away, feeling the ugly darkness inside me taking over as I leave my shattered heart laying in pieces atDiabla’sfeet like a sacrificial offering.

Your darkness is my calling.

I don’t return to the cabin. I don’t look back at the mountain where I shared my soul with Vicenta. Instead, I drive to the city. There’s no more ‘Mero…all that’s left is the soulless Don Herrera.

FORTY

ALVARO - TWO WEEKS LATER

“Lose Myself” by Reyko

I watch asBrujapaces along the shoreline, her head down as she watches her steps. She’s wearing one of my sweaters, the too large fabric hanging low to the middle of her bare thighs and covers over her hands. Tears get blown off her red cheeks as she paces, muttering words to herself. Once in a while, she stops and looks around herself as though she’s looking for the eyes that watch her, but I know she can’t see me from my spot amongst the trees lining her hidden home.

Still, I know she feels me.

Her arms wrap around her abdomen, a sob wracking her body as she turns back for the tiny house. A beach shack, really. But it offers her the solitude she desperately sought. The Mercedes she took sits under a cover behind the house, the sand built up around the tires as though she hasn’t driven it in a couple of days.

She slams the door to the house behind her, but I can still see her through the windows as she bends at the waist and screams a broken sound that will haunt me for the rest of my days.

It’s been two weeks since she left us in the middle of the night. Fourteen nights of ghosts haunting her…ghosts I helped put in her life the second I shot her mother. I may not have been the one to kill her, but I helped nonetheless.

It has also been one week since Romero left without a word. I finally reached Javier who told me what happened between him andBruja. He sacrificed himself, took the blame and hate all upon himself so Vicenta wouldn’t be alone anymore. So she’d have me and her brother instead of the loneliness.

Telling Vicente what happened was probably one of the most difficult things to do. He wants to fix it, tell his sister the truth, but I’ve convinced him not to. Romero decided this and while I hate what it’s done to my oldest friend, I don’t think Vicenta can take more pain right now. She needs time to heal and mend her heart before any more burdens can be laid upon her.

You are dead to me, Romero Herrera.Those were the words she killed him with; if her brother were to tell her about the sacrifice Romero made, she would hate herself as much as I hate myself for how I treated him when I thought he was the reason my mom killed herself.

Fuck, we’ve come full circle and Romero is the one taking the brunt of it all over again. I won’t let it go on long, not like it was for me and him, but I will not lay it on her now.

Damn him for doing this.

I wish I could go back and change it all, but I can't, and now she suffers for it. Her brother warned us she’d run if she felt suffocated, yet I held on to her like it was me who was drowning.

I held on to her and still lost her.

But with Romero’s self sacrificing act, she won’t be alone any longer. I’ve given her space, but it’s time to come home.

For two weeks, I’ve watched her from the shadows. I yearned for her from a safe distance, I protected her in secret…but I will not let her go. Not like I let Romero go once.

I won’t let him go either.Brujawas the glue that held us together, but perhaps it’s time I become that glue. In time, I will fix this broken family.

Hours of silence pass before I stand from my hidden spot and move closer to the window, finding her passed out on the floor near the fire pit. I quietly open the door, letting myself in and moving to her side. The scent of alcohol permeates off her delicate skin, making me die a little more inside as I lift her into my arms.

Her bleary eyes roll open, locking on mine.

“Alvaro,” she whispers as I lay her on the bed and pull the blankets around her, “where the green fields meet the sun.”

She scoffs at herself, muttering something about being a poet.

“Sleep,Bruja.”

I move to restart the fire that has gone out, but she grips my fingers with hers. “Don’t leave yet. Stay with me in this dream.”

I sit on the floor beside her bed, stroking her hair. “I’ll never leave you, baby.”

She sighs deeply, her eyes rolling behind her lids. “I love you so much it makes me hurt.”

I lay a kiss on her forehead, my heart splitting with her confession. “I love you, Vicenta.”

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