Page 55 of My Desire (Mi Deseo)

“You confessed your feelings but he didn’t reciprocate them.” Her question is more of a statement. An educated guess that she got wrong, but I just don’t seem to have the balls to correct her or tell her the whole truth.

“Yeah,” I scoff, shaking my head and thinking of my father. “I confessed to him and he lashed out. Alvaro and I ended things with a fight that left me with more than broken bones.”

I glare across the bay, my breath shuddering in my lungs. “So believe me when I say that you are not alone in your bitterness, Vicenta. You may find me as repulsive as Alvaro does, but I know your pain.”

Her hand slapping across my bicep has my eyes snapping to hers.

“Romero Herrera,” she growls, her slender fingers coming up to grip my jaw tightly as she snarls in my face, “don’t youeverassume shit again. I couldn’t be further from repulsed. You are one of the strongest people I know. It takes a certain level of strength and courage to confess your feelings to someone, no matter the fucking gender, yet you did it. You did it because it wasn’t fair to cover your truths with lies. You put yourself on the line, made yourself vulnerable for someone.” Her thumb strokes my lips, her eyes softening. “That makes you aninspiration.”

I believe her words. I believe that she doesn’t see me as faulty or broken because of my desires, but it doesn’t erase my shame. When you live in my shoes, you’ll understand. At the time, I was sure of what I wanted—Alvaro and all his glory—and I was left bleeding for it. I was rejected by not only him, but my father as well.

In this cartel world, same sex relations are shameful, prohibited, something to expel and cast out. Being the only son of my father left me with a small bit of leeway. I wouldn’t be cut off, but I was beaten and tortured until I wasfixed. The fact that I was also attracted to women meant nothing when I also liked men. My first relations with a woman was by rape. I was forced to put my flaccid cock into a woman; my body was turned against me, used and abused until I was deemed worthy of the position as the cartel prince.

With her hands still anchoring me, I tell her the one thing I’ve never told another person.

“My father beat and tortured me for months, even while my mother was dying of cancer. When things ended with Alvaro and my mom was buried, I held a pillow to my father’s sleeping face until he died, then I took his position and made sure no one in my familia would ever face the things I faced.”

She nods as though she understands. Maybe she does.

“And why did you do that? Tell me.”

“Because he was a piece of shit.”

She shakes her head. “No. Because you don’t need anyone’s approval, ‘Mero.”

She smiles and my heart shudders as she uses the shortened version of my name. Standing up on her toes with her honey eyes burning, she gazes into my fucking soul.

“And had I been in your position, I would have taken his throne while he was living.” She kisses me softly before pulling back with a dark, cruel smile on her pretty face. “And then I would have fucked a man on it.”

EIGHTEEN

VICENTA

“Be Mine” by Jamison Murphy

Hearing Romero’s story gives me some insight into who he is; a complicated mess of trauma and anger, of love and longing. He was right, my tears are his. We’ve both been hurt by the same man and left with bleeding hearts.

Taking his hand in mine, I pull his attention to me, forcing his hurt and angry eyes off the darkened balcony.

“Let’s go for a ride.” I smile, trying to rid his mind of the pain, using the words he used a week ago. “We’ll play pretend for tonight. Two strangers with no past and no future.”

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes, but I'll take it. His hand comes up, cupping my face while his thumb strokes across my bottom lip.

“No past, but I’d like to keep the future with you.”

I begin to speak but he presses his thumb over my lips. “Don’t say anything.”

He pulls me through the threshold, not bothering to close the door as we run through the penthouse like two teenagers sneaking out past curfew. I quickly pull on white Kegs just as the elevator arrives, retaking his hand and smiling broadly. When the metal doors close, I see his cloudy reflection as he stares down at me. I glance at him, blushing hard as I bite my bottom lip and look down.

When we’re back in the lobby, I note the guards stationed at different points.

“Javier!” Romero calls as he guides me to the side door that leads to a private garage. When a hulking guard steps closer to us, I try to step away and let them do their cartel business, but Romero’s grip never loosens. “This is Vicenta.”

The man nods at me, his dark eyes respectfully averted. “Mucho gusto.”

I repeat the greeting quietly as he turns back to Romero.

“We’ll be out for the night and staying at theCerro Lcacoshouse. Have her things delivered.”

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