Page 84 of My Desire (Mi Deseo)

My anger begs me to remember the pain he put me through, but the painhe’sin wins the battle over my will. Yeah, he fucking hurt me. He killed a piece of me with every fucked up thing he did to me since the night we met at our spot and he left me there on the edge of consciousness. He killed the old Romero when he spilled my blood out on the sand of our special beach, tainting it, marking it as a place where love died and hate was birthed.

I haven’t been to the little cove we claimed as ours since that night, but it’s where I head now. I know Alvaro like the back of my hand and I have no doubt that’s where he’ll go. I know he hasn’t been there since he cruelly ended things, but he used to call it his sanctuary, the place he’d go and think, even when I wasn’t with him.

When I turn in the opposite direction of the city and head toward the private beach, Vicenta looks at me.

“Where are we going?”

I try to loosen my jaw as I answer her, “To our old hide-away spot on the beach.”

“How do you know he’ll be there?”

My mind flashes to memories as I reply. “Because it’s the place he’d always go to when he was in pain. It’s also the only place no one but us knows about.”

Has she chosen him over me now that she’s learned the full story? Has Alvaro taken up all the space in her heart because his pain makes me look like the monster in the story? I want to tell her that I’ll make things right with Alvaro, that I’ll work to be peaceful with him if it means she stays with me too, but I won’t do that. I won’t beg her, no matter how much I want to.

As if reading my turbulent mind, Vicenta reaches across the center console and takes my hand in hers, lifting it to her lips.

“Tell me we’ll get through this, Romero. Tell me we’ll help Alvaro get through his pain too and that no one will ever abandon anyone ever again.”

I stroke her cheek with my thumb, keeping our fingers laced as I answer her.

“I can’t promise what he’ll do, baby, but I promise I will go to the ends of the earth to make things right. For all of us.”

I turn off the road, switching on the Mercedes’ off-road features as we drive over the soft sand and around the giant boulders where we find Alvaro’s car hiding. Parking, we both climb out together. I take her hand as we walk further down the beach to the large shallow cave where the past saturates the stone walls.

“Alvaro,” Vicenta breathes just before running to him.

I stand back, watching her throw her arms around him when he sees her. I look across the waves, remembering how often he and I would come here and lose time. At first, we’d come as friends, bringing our smaller jet skis and riding around on the water. It's where I learned all my self-taught tricks. We did everything together here. We got drunk and high at this spot, bitched about our fathers, created our own shooting range, and built bonfires for the times we stayed the night.

It’s also the place where we shared our first kiss.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair as I think of how fearful I was when I caught him off guard with it. When he jerked away from me, I was sure all the signs I had been seeing were wrong in that second of pure fucking fear. I was positive I had ruined the friendship we shared, until he gripped the back of my neck and slammed his mouth to mine, pressing my back against sand and climbing over me as he kissed me like he had been wanting to do it for so long.

I blink my eyes against the memory and I look back over at the only people who have been able to reach something soft inside me, and see the blood marks on the boulder beside them.Fuck.

Vicenta cups his face, speaking words that the winds carry away from me. She wipes his eyes with her thumbs just before he leans in and rests his forehead to hers, his bloodied hands holding her neck softly like she’s the most precious thing in the world. Fuck me, she is. If it weren't for the kindness in her heart, I wouldn't even have considered fixing shit with Alvaro. In fact, I would have pushed the hatred further until one or both of us broke.

I didn’t care which, but withDiablain my life now, my views have changed and I can’t decide if I hate it or love it.

The set of his rigid shoulders jerks my heart in my chest, reminding me of what it was like for me to be in Alvaro’s place after reading the letter his mom wrote to me. I remember the pain of her loss hitting me in the chest all over again when I learned that it wasn’t mine and Alvaro’s love for one another that killed her.

When I realized Alvaro had allowed his father to poison his mind to me, I hated him for his weakness, for his misplaced loyalty to his piece of shit father.

Still, what I felt then, that enormous brick of pain beating down onto my heart, doesn’t compare to how Alvaro must feel right now. He’s reliving his own mother’s death but this time, his eyes are wide open, no matter how much he wishes he could close them to this nightmare.

“Vicenta,” I say softly when I reach her back, “let me speak with him.’

She looks up at me, her eyes dripping with tears. “Please don’t fight.”

I shake my head and look down at her, wiping a stray tear from her eye as Alvaro turns his back to us and leans on a boulder with his head hanging.

“There’s a lot that needs to be said, but there will be no fighting. I promise. I also have some things I need to apologize for. Go wait in the car, baby. Everything will be fine.”

I kiss her cheek and lightly push her back toward the place we parked.

I watch her go, giving her an encouraging nod as she looks over her shoulder at us just before walking out of view.

“Alvaro–” I start when we’re alone, but he interrupts me.

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