Page 24 of Say I'm Yours, Firecracker

I nodded once, a short clip of my head.

“Because it seems to me like a friend would tell me why they are running from that man in the restaurant.”

“Ugh,” I threw my arms in the air, and walked to my building. Throwing the door open I glanced over my shoulder and said, “Are you coming in, or what?”

His long legs ate up the distance between the car and door, his smile on full blast as he gripped the door and motioned for me to enter. He followed me up the stairs to my apartment. When Bellamy moved out I downsized, I rarely stayed here anyways. I usually crashed at Bellamy’s or Xavier’s, hell even the shop sometimes.

I unlocked the door and went for the closet. Passing the couch, I told Eli to sit and promised to explain as much as I was willing to when I was finished changing. I might have groaned when I unbuttoned my pants.

I threw on a pair of navy leggings and exchanged my work shirt for a sweatshirt. I debated taking my bra off, but decided I could wait until after Eli left. Making my way back toward my living room I exhaled as my butt hit the soft cushions.

“I’ve known you for a handful of hours, and already, I’m your fictional date.” Eli said, finally breaking the curtain of silence around us.

I inhaled and tried to arrange my thoughts. Eli wasn’t my therapist, God knew I needed one, but he was sitting there, and apparently, willing to listen….

“Finn and I,” I started, but it sounded all wrong, because there was no Finn and I. He’d made sure of that. I wracked my brain trying to come up with a way to continue. “We had a one night stand at the beginning of October. It was once, no names, just sex. The way I wanted it.”

I ducked my head and stood up, crossing into the kitchen to retrieve water. Anything to relieve the pressure I felt from Eli’s stare. I stood there, gulping water with my back turned on him.

“I never thought I’d see him again,” I said after a while. “I thought, one and done. Just like the others…” It sounded bad when I said it out loud, but I wasn’t ashamed of my sexual history. “It’s one of my rules. One time, no strings, no repeats.”

I slowly turned, forcing my eyes to find Eli’s face, surprised to find a look of intrigue instead of displeasure. “Go on.” He murmured and shook his hand.

“Except I couldn’t get him out of my head. Then a few short weeks later, bam, pregnant. I knew it had to be his since I hadn’t slept with anyone except him in months. It had been my longest drought period, ever.”

I paused, drinking more water, then went pale because I hadn’t even asked him if he wanted anything. I grabbed a bottle from the fridge and held it out for him, to which he shook his head and nodded for me to continue.

“A few days after I got a positive pregnancy test, I called him and we met up.” This was officially the oddest conversation I’d ever had with a near stranger, but he was really easy to talk to. So I continued, “We decided to be friends, and raise this baby as co-parents. Naturally we began spending more time together since he was also my best friend’s, now fiancé’s, best friend. God has a wicked sense of humor, huh?” Laughing at myself as I drew in a deep breath ready to spill the hardest part of the story. “But the worst part isn’t that they knew each other, it’s that after we spent weeks getting closer than I ever have with a partner, Finn disappeared without a word.”

“Right, and your best friend is Bellamy, your business partner, right?”

I nodded instead of speaking, because I was tired of talking. I didn’t think I could share anymore without sending myself into a spiral. I also really needed to call Bellamy, because what Aaron did…not cool.

“Well, I’m in.” Eli said with a throaty chuckle.

I whipped my head to look him square in the eyes. “What?” I think I said, because the way he was smiling looked like this was the most fun he’d had in a long time and he couldn’t wait to fuck shit up.

He shrugged, “Why not? I’ll have an excuse not to want to stab myself in the eye when we do all the inevitable wedding meetings, plus, you’re stunning.”

I didn’t know if I should be flattered or offended.

“I’m not sleeping with you.”

He threw his head back laughing, and raised his hands palms out, arms waving in x’s. “I never thought you would.” He said, subtly wiping the wetness from his eyes. “I actually made a promise to my brother that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone while I’m here, and I think fucking the wedding planner would definitely cross that line.”

I raised my brows because that was not what I was expecting him to say.

“So you, my fake girlfriend will be all the shield I need to not lose a thousand bucks.”

After Eli left, I crashed into a deep sleep, not waking once. Being back in the office, after the renovations, was great, but tiresome. My brain pre-baby would have had me up all hours of the night, examining every word Eli and I exchanged, small blessings.

Sitting up in the bed I stretched my arms up, enjoying the cracking of my bones and stretching of my muscles. After I slid out from beneath the warm covers I set off into the small bathroom that afforded me everything I could need. The water was hot as I let it cascade down over my naked curves.

I’d had a hard time loving my body, not because I thought it was ugly, or less than, more feeling like it wasn’t good enough, or broken somehow. Being told I may never be able to carry a baby was a blow. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to eventually have kids until I was told I couldn’t. The kicker was that it wasn’t definitive testing. I was just told I ‘might’ have trouble conceiving. Living with that hanging over my head, well, it sucked.

I held my hands over the little pooch of my stomach, and felt a few tears slip past my lashes. I was grateful for this little bean, but I couldn’t help feeling like I’d already failed at giving him or her what I wanted too.

A family that stuck together no matter what. Something I didn’t have.

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