Page 5 of Say I'm Yours, Firecracker

Fuck.

Five days.

How did I miss my period for five fucking days?

I tried not to panic, but so help me, my brain was in full out, red button panic mode. Grabbing my keys and shoes I stormed out of my apartment to head to Olde Elixr Parlor. Georgie would keep my secret and wouldn’t ask me too many questions.

The windows were being scraped to start their holiday season display and my heart flipped. Christmas was my favorite season, everyone in high spirits, red and green posted everywhere.

The bell above the door chimed it’s happiness to have a customer, and Georgie’s beautiful voice rang out. “Hi! Welcome, let me know if you need anything.”

I quickly found the pregnancy test aisle, of course beside it would be condoms. We used one. I know we did, so why am I freaking out?

Maybe with all the excitement going on my period is just…readjusting.

I grabbed two boxes, one pink and one purple. I had to have a second opinion.

“Georgie! It’s me!” I hollered.

“Oh Ronnie!” She said, coming around the corner behind the counter. “Oh.”

“Could this be our little secret?” I asked, covering the boxes with the brown paper bags they used.

Her face split into a knowing grin. “Of course, dear.”

She patted my hand after bagging the two boxes and I bolted out of there, ready to know.

When I got home, I downed a bottle of water and ripped open one of the packages. The pink foil was tough to open. After wrestling with the wrapping I uncapped the stick and let it flow.

The little window against the white immediately started to turn. Absorbing quickly and just as quickly my heart tripled. Agonizingly slowly two pink lines appeared.

Pregnant.

“Oh God,” I shrieked and slapped a hand to my mouth to stop the sob from escaping.

My other hand closed down on the porcelain sink to steady my fuzzy head. I splashed water over my face and went to the kitchen to guzzle down more water.

Time for that second opinion.

I’d never considered what life would be like if I had a child. It had never even crossed my mind. I didn’t even think I could everhavechildren. My last few doctors also didn’t think I could, so how did I find myself in the bathroom of a doula’s office with a positive pregnancy test?

That’s a good question. One I would also like an answer to.

There’s a knock on the door to the little washroom I’d been holed up in much longer than necessary. The lighting was dim, with only one tiny powder blue lamp sitting on a small round table in the mid-center of the room. I guess it’s for when people cry because they’ve found out they're carrying a life, they don’t look red and splotchy in the mirror.

“Everything alright Veronica?”

Oh God. She used my full name. I was definitely not going out that door, definitely not giving her my positive pee stick, and I was most definitelynotcalling my best friend, Bellamy. She had enough to worry about without me adding to it.

I should probably start by going to my actual doctor, right? The same one who told me I didn’t need to worry about pregnancy because my uterus was shaped like a heart. I laughed and told her that’s where God placed it, instead of in my chest.

She didn’t think it was funny.

I could hear the woman on the other side speaking to someone in hushed tones. They were talking about me, I just knew it, and why wouldn’t they? I mean, I walked in without an appointment, asked for information brochures, and walked out. That was this morning, and now I’m back, with an appointment–thank you very much–and I was chickening out.

“Ver-Ronnie?” Another voice said, choking on my name to correct herself. “May I come in?”

I nodded, like an idiot. She couldn’t see me, or at least I hoped she couldn’t. That would be weird, and super illegal I thought.

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