Page 41 of Say I'm Yours, Firecracker

“Can we at least talk about it?” I asked, hoping that she would hear me out.

She shook her head and her old oven beeped obnoxiously. She placed her mug on the chipped counter and grabbed an oven mit. Pulling what smelled like spectacular cinnamon rolls out of the oven.

My mouth watered at the sight, but I couldn’t eat one. The carbs alone would skyrocket me out of my daily macro limits and I’d have to hit the gym twice as hard.

Her shoulders were tight as she braced her arms on the counter after taking the hot buns out of the oven.

“We can’t do that again.” She repeated, back still turned to me.

“Why not?” I asked, because I knew she’d enjoyed herself. It was evident in the way she glowed even though she desperately wanted to deny it. The way she’d screamed my name as she came, the way she’d asked me to stay.

“Because, Finn.” She turned and leaned against the counter, facing me. “We’re having a baby, and I may trust you with my body, but I don’t trust you with anything else.”

Ouch.

“I can explain, if you’ll let me.” I said, completely at a loss, because she didn’t know me, not like I wanted her to. “I promise if you give me the chance it will all make sense. Plus you’re right, we are having a baby, don’t you think we should at least try to be partners?”

“Partners?” Her face pulled into a saccharine smile. “You think we can be partners?”

“Why can’t we?” I asked, genuinely puzzled. We could be great parents, we could be even better asmarriedparents, but I didn’t voice that.

“Because of what we just did.” She hollered, throwing her hands up. “Because apparently pregnancy hormones make me horny as hell and my fingers and toys just don’t work like your body does, and I can’t get attached to you.”

Her eyes hit the floor, and I couldn’t help but wonder what she meant when she said shecan’tget attached to me. Then it hit me. She was sticking to her charade of a romance with ‘surfer guy’, even when I knew damn well she had no feelings for him.

She had to know that I could see right through her plan with, whats-his-name. That it wasn’t real. But instead of coming clean, even though the fucking opportunity couldn’t have been better, she was still trying to lie to me.

Herself too, if she wouldn’t stop fightingthis.

Us.

“Wow.” I said, piecing it all together and feeling like the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. “Of course you can’t, even thoughyoucalledme.”

Her eyes snapped up to mine and I saw it, the fear in her eyes. The unshed tears lining her lower lashes. The guilt.

“Don’t worry, Firecracker.” I spat, turning around to find my clothes, I couldn’t even look at her as I got dressed and headed for the door. “I’ll be your friend, but fuck how I feel right? Because I’m just the asshole that got you pregnant and ran.”

Her lips pop open and her cheeks turn bright pink, but I didn’t stick around to hear what she had to say. My feelings were hurt, and the only way I knew how to squelch them was a good workout.

I slammed the door on my way out, the whole building feeling like it vibrated with the force of my pain, and I almost winced.

Almost.

I didn’t have time to sit around and stew on Finn’s words, as much as they haunted me. Even if I told him the truth about Eli, he wouldn’t believe it. Did I need to tell Eli about what happened? We weren’t a real couple so why the hell did I feel so sick to my stomach? I never wanted to be that girl, the one who lied to the people I cared about.

And I did, I fucking cared for Finn. It was terrifying, and electrifying all at once. I wanted everything with him, but I didn’t want them for a fleeting moment. I wanted all of him, forever, and I had no idea if he was as invested as I was, I wouldn’t survive it if he left again, my heart would shrivel up and I would no longerlive.

I’d simplyexist.

I couldn’t give him that power over me. So whatever he thought when he left last night, while I knew it couldn’t come close to my actual reality, maybe it was better if we stayed this way.

Bellamy called and woke me from the warmest rest I’d ever had. Which was why I decided to bake cinnamon rolls. Knowing he would not approve. With the “clean eating” thing he seemed to have going on.

Not that I was complaining about the way he looked, it got me hot just thinking about all the muscles packed onto that man. The way his stomach rippled and contracted while he moved above me. How I wanted to lick the veins that ran up his arms.

NO.

I couldn’t go down that road, not only because I had a meeting with our current bride, but because Bellamy could read me like the back of her hand, and if I wasn’t as picture perfect as I normally was, she’d know I did something I wasn’t supposed to.

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