Page 4 of A Dark and Lovely Devastation

The damn whispers started clawing in the back of my mind. I shook my head as if to knock them loose and said through gritted teeth, “Those were my past lives. I don’t even remember them. You expect me to save myself for some hundreds-of-years-old stranger I never met?”

Mina shook her head, and I spun and marched from the room, the whispers pulsing through me. I knew I shouldn’t have tried to confide in her.

Faeries could be reborn. We called it falling. Twenty-one years ago, according to what I’d been told, Queen Morrigan had left the Otherworld, abandoning the faerie king and crossing over to the human realm. Nineteen years ago, she had fallen and was reborn as a baby.

As me.

I ran a hand through my drying hair. I couldn’t help but see similarities between what Morrigan had done in the past, and what I would do in the future. According to my vision, I’d again abandon the Otherworld. But I could make sure my vision never came true. I just had to vow never to go to the magical realm.

Done. As far as I was concerned, the faerie king could stay in the Otherworld, and I’d live my life here in the human realm.

I entered my room, the whispers tumbling through my mind growing more insistent, like they were ready to consume me.

I walked to the window, stumbling past the bed, the sheets in a twisted mass. Mark and I had tangled in those sheets only an hour earlier. It was just sex. I’d chosen Mark on purpose because it wasn’t serious. Because he’d keep it a secret. It was only the fourth time we’d been together, and each time I had to fight the lingering guilt that I might be putting him in danger. Mina didn’t realize I already limited myself. I knew I couldn’t have a genuine relationship with anyone. Although we’d won the battle against the Fomori three years ago, faerie followers of the secret organization might still be out there, hunting me. My life was too dangerous.

The harsh whispers crowded the thoughts in my mind, a thousand words pouring over one another. I felt it, the needing, and I considered calling Mark and begging him to come back over. But this time, the voices inside created a stronger urge.

The walls of my room were suffocating. I needed to get outside, to feel nature surround me and the soil under my feet. I stepped up to the dresser and threw on an old gray sweatshirt, lifting the hood to hide my blond hair and blue eyes.

Although my parents hired guards to protect me from external threats, the sentries guarding the house would never let me out on my own. Most days, I was content with that. But not now. Not with the whispers goading me forward.

I faced the open window, the autumn night air drifting into my second story room. I moved my swimsuit and goggles resting on the window seat. This Saturday was the Idaho championship competition, and I was set to take state in the hundred meter backstroke with plans to go to nationals. With my parent’s guards always there, always watching.

But being a faerie held one, admittedly badass, perk. I shut my eyes and pictured the griffin tattoo rising off my arm, of the very creature springing into existence at my command.

The sound of feathers rustling and a soft squawk brought my eyes open. There it stood just outside my window, half hawk, half lion. My faerie guardian.

The griffin’s large front talons tapped against the rooftop. I climbed through the window and ran a hand over its soft, downy feathers before pulling myself onto its back. The large wings spread, spanning nearly the length of the home and we launched into the air. I held on for dear life as we soared up over the wall that surrounded the house.

The guard on the other side started as we passed, but then shrugged, probably believing me to be Mina.

We rose together into the night sky.

The clear October evening made flying all the more frigid. Despite my hoodie, the wind attacked my eyes and bit at my ears, making them go numb. I hadn’t taken my griffin out in a long time. I couldn’t during the day—some ordinary human who knew nothing about faeries might see. To the west, suburban houses crowded the streets of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, but my home was on the outskirts of the city. We flew east, away from the glow of civilization, out toward the wilderness.

I shoved my hands deep into my griffin’s feathers, fingers tensed to keep a firm grip. Tumbling off at this height would result in a very painful landing, but not death. Faeries didn’t die so easily.

My faerie guardian served as both protector and weapon. Faeries could make each other fall and start the rebirth process, but were unable to directly kill one another, their magic too similar. Humans, being non-magical, couldn’t kill us at all. Only a creature of magic, such as a faerie guardian, was capable of permanently killing a faerie.

We dropped into an opening among a small clump of forest at a park near the house, on the very outskirts of town. Trees dotted the landscape and lined a path that led to a large play set. It stood like an old familiar sentinel in the night.

A longing stole through me for those days as a child. When I thought I was normal. Human. Not some all-powerful faerie queen. While I remembered nothing of my previous lives, I’d learned a few things about them from Mina and Illya over the past couple of years. But all that faerie stuff meant nothing to me. I wanted to be someone else. Anyone else.

Dropping off my griffin, I willed my faerie guardian back. Its image blurred, then it reappeared in tattoo form on my upper bicep, curling up to my shoulder. I drew back my hood and removed my shoes, feeling the dirt beneath my feet. A sigh escaped my lips. I followed the path, leaving the forested area behind, stepping up to the old swing set. I let my fingers graze over the cool metal links.

The voices in my mind were soft and compelling. I drifted onto a different path that led into the woods.

“Good evening.”

I spun, barely holding in my scream. A figure sat on a bench to my right near the edge of the clearing. He lounged, an arm slung over the splintered wood. His long legs stretched out in front of him. The night cast his face in shadow.

I was a dumbass. Why did I think coming out on my own was a good idea? Any minute an enemy faerie could turn up and end me.

“Would you like a seat?” he asked in a deep baritone voice.

I swallowed, my flight response held in check by the casualness of his words. “W-Who are you?”

“Someone who means you no harm.”

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