Page 146 of Finn Rhodes Forever

I sat on the bench while he loped over to the ice cream place. Fuck. This was awkward. Part of me wondered if he was going to make a break for it, take off and leave me sitting on this bench until I figured out he’d left.

Part of me was surprised when he returned with two ice cream cones.

“Don’t feed the seagulls,” I told him as he sat beside me and handed me a napkin. He’d gotten me the coffee flavor, and for himself, something that looked like strawberry.

He choked on a laugh. “I remember. One near took Jen’s eye out when we were kids.”

Right. It rushed back at me that they had grown up together, same as Finn and me. The parallel made my heart ache, especially knowing how it had turned out for them.

How was it going to turn out for Finn and me? My chest hurt at the thought.

“You loved birds,” he told me before he blinked like he didn’t mean to say it.

Silence stretched between us as we ate our ice cream. I barely tasted it. This was the guy I was supposed to be mad at? In front of us, the late-afternoon sun sent a sparkle across the water. Tourists lined up at the fish and chips shack for an early dinner. I caught Beck’s eye as he climbed onto his boat. He gave me a wave before he turned the engine on and headed into the harbor alone.

“Joe seems like he’d doing well,” Cole said.

“He is.”

A weird guilt rose in me. Fuck. This was going horribly. I had wanted to talk with him and now, I could barely say a handful of words.

“I like forests, too,” I said, trying not to cringe at the words.

I like forests, too?Wow.

“I looked you up online. I saw the stuff on the university website about your research and finding the flower.” He glanced at me and our eyes met. He gave me a quick smile. “I’m proud of you, for what it’s worth.”

My pulse thudded in my head and anxiety wrapped a tight fist around my throat.

“Why’d you leave us?” I blurted out.

Wow.

He froze, blinking like I’d slapped him.

“I, uh.” He winced, rubbing the back of his neck, blinking more. His mouth clamped closed.

Right. I didn’t know what I had wanted out of this but I couldn’t sit here any longer. I shot to my feet.

“Olivia, wait.” He stood and his hand came out like he was going to touch my arm before he jerked back. He made a noise of anguish. “Please don’t leave yet.”

I folded my arms over my chest and sat back down, staring at the ocean. My lungs felt weighted and heavy.

What had I expected? For him to waltz back into town and throw himself at my feet, begging for forgiveness? For him to say he wished things had gone differently? That he’d fucked up?

He let out a long breath. “It’s hard for me to say these things but I’m working on it.”

I waited, wanting to disappear into the ground.

“When you were born, my whole world changed,” he said, and my heart ached. “You were this blob with eyes and I couldn’t stop looking at you. I’d stay up half the night, staring at you. I never knew I could love something the way I loved you.” He swallowed, leaning forward and staring at the water. “And everyone thought I was trash. The whole town, Jen’s parents, my parents—they were still pissed that I had gotten Jen pregnant. Even Jen was waiting for me to fuck up.”

His words rang in my head like a bell and my lip curled.

He let out a heavy breath, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he frowned. “Your mom and I split, but we were trying to make it work. Then Joe came into the picture and he was everything I wasn’t. Responsible, had a good job, and everyone liked him. Super nice guy. Can’t say a bad word about him. That guy is a better father than I could have been.” He shook his head. “You loved him, I could see that. You didn’t need me,” he said quietly. “You were better off with Joe.”

Sharp unease twisted in my stomach.

“My therapist says I’m avoidant attachment,” he continued, and I turned to him with a bemused expression.

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