Page 52 of Feverburn

“I can’t do this. Don’t touch me.”

I lifted my hands in surrender.“Okay, I’m sorry. I thought you were okay with me touching—”

“I want you to. God, I want you to, but I can’t! I can’t hurt you.”He scrubbed both of his hands over his face in a tortured motion.“I’m going to stay over here. Please stay over there.”

“Okay, sure, whatever you’re comfortable with.”I was so fucking confused, but I wanted to respect his boundaries.

“I want to hug you, to hold you, to have you in every way possible, but I need to say some things, and I know if I get any closer, that won’t happen.”His eyes darted around my face.

“I know what you mean.”I glided back, creating more space. We both sank further, letting the lake conceal our bodies. I could tell he was intentionally keeping his arms busy, lightly skimming the water's surface.

An uncomfortable look hung on his face, tugging at myheart. He rolled his shoulders back, causing water to ripple around him, the moon glinting on its surface.“I need you to know I ended things because I’m cursed. Like truly jinxed or something.”

“You keep saying that. Maybe positive thinking, like a change in your outlook—”

“I had a premonition.”His eyes pierced mine as his arms stopped moving.“I had a dream the night I got you home from Tilly’s. You were drunk, and your guard was down, and I guess I could tap into somethingsleepingbeside you.” His jaw clenched as heforcedhimself to collect a breath.“In the nightmare, I watched you die in my arms. It was so vivid and haunting.”

I felt queasy and feverish in the calm lake. I started moving around him in circles, hoping to ease my nerves.“Wait, you had a dream I died? How?”His face became stony as he refused to answer.“Please tell me,”I pleaded.

“A fire,”he whispered.

“But the loft fire already happened. I’m fine!”I said quickly, opening my arms with a splash.

“I think the loft fire was awarning. I know I soundcrazy, but you’re into this mystical stuff. I’ve had dreams that came true before. I didn’t want to risk killing you. It felt so real. Do I want to be with you? Toloveyou? Yes, but I can’t risk hurting you with my selfishness.”

“And because of what happened with Whitney and Dane’s sister, you think you’re cursed?”

He turned his head to track me over his shoulder.“How do you know about Jamie?”

I realized I had let that detail slip. We hadn’t talked about Jamie, only Whitney.

“Viviane told me.”

“Fuck!”he breathed out in quiet outrage.“Fuck, Ihatethis town! Viv always keeps my secrets. Why thehelldid she tell you?”

“I asked. I needed answers.”

“I wish you would’ve just asked me,” he retorted.

“I hardly see you, and when I do, we are either about to fuck or fight.” He glared at me, forcing me to continue. “So you believe you’re cursed because you’ve had two girlfriends die? Whitney fell rock climbing, and Jamie died drunk driving, but they were both young and dating you when they passed away.”

“I know it sounds ridiculous, and I’m not superstitious, but I believe in patterns. I can’t look past two women tied to me, dying young and inhorribleaccidents.”

“I’m sorry,”I whispered.

“It was after Whitney that the rumors started flying around. I heard people calling me Cursed Carson behind my back. I might be able to paint murals and sell shit to fix homes, but that’s all I’m good for in this town. The guilt of losing both of them wrecked me. Not only were they gone, but I felt responsible somehow.”

“There was no way you could have known.”

His silence made my stomach knot in realization.

I moved quickly from behind him to see his face when I asked,“Did you…did you have dreams of them dying before they passed away?”

He stared me dead in the eyes with a slow, sad nod.

Well,thatdetail changes things.

Unshed tears filled his eyes while he swallowed hard. His voice came out low, tortured.“I would’ve done anything to stop it or save them. I didn’t realize what the dreams meant until afterward. By then, it was too late.”

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