Page 88 of Feverburn

I sniffled, angry at my traitor tears, feeling like a dumbass. He walked around the counter and held my face. More tears flowed, and I felt sonaive. I should’ve known sneaking around wouldn’t be fun forever. What turned out hot and naughty was now just stressful and shameful.

Did I want to have my cake and eat it, too? Sure. But after everything I’d been through, I reasoned it wasn’t selfish of me. It had only been a matter of weeks in the grand scheme of things, but it was my whole world. And Carson was such a welcomed piece of my journey now. I didn’t want to hide our love away.

Over Carson’s shoulder, I saw Noah walking towards the door. I pushed him away, wiping my tears. Frowning, he grabbed the cup, unable to find an excuse to look casual.

“Please go,”I whispered.

Noah walked in, glancing at Carson leaving and then at me.“Hey, Rosie.”

“Hey, Noah!”I said, forcing a bubbly tone with a final sniffle.

“Is Zay here?”

“Nope, she’s at Summerfest with Kaylee.”

Noah glanced towards Kouris Hardware as Carson entered his store.“Did he make you cry? People sayhe’s a grouch. If he did something—”

“Oh! No, Otto was here right before him. He told me a sad story about hitting a deer with his semi-truck.”That part was true, but he told me that story weeks ago. I waslyingonce more for Carson.

Noah’s kind eyes studied mine.“Okay. You take care. I need to head back to the ranger station, but if you see Zay, let her know I was looking for her.”Azalea was an earthy luddite who refused to keep track of a cell phone, so we allplayedmessenger for her.

After Noah left, I walked closer to our front windows, dusting our faerie garden and watering the plants. I looked up to see Carson working near the front windows of his store. We stared at each other for a loaded moment, sadness spreading.

So close, yet so far away.

I squeezed the most out of the late summer nights. They were spent wrapped up in Carson’s arms or sheets or on his boat.

We spent nightsnude, drawing each other in different poses to encourage my reintroduction into making art. To make me laugh, Carson positioned different things in front of his dick, like a wine bottle or baseball bat, but I drew it anyway. I had every vein and inch memorized by now. It was one of my favorite things about life. You couldn’t blame a girl.

He’d surprise me with random little gifts to make my time at his cabin cozier. First, it was sage-colored booty shorts and a tank top he disguised as pajamas. I wore them around his cabin without a bra to make himhappy. Then, one day, a satin pillowcase appeared in his bed. He knew I used one at my place to protect my curls.

The truth was the cabin was getting harder and harder to leave. One evening, I found him holding Kiszka to his chest as they napped on the couch. His deep breaths moved Kizzy’s fur in little puffs. With his face softened in sleep, I could see the young man he was.

A man who had so much taken from him.

A man who maintained his family’s legacy when no one else would.

A man who asked for nothing but gave everything he had.

The only thing I had ever really given Carson was the blessing. Tears stung my eyes as my love and guilt poured over me. At that moment, I knew it was worth it if helping him came at the cost of lying to everyone.

I sniffled, squaring my shoulders and snapping a photo of how cute they were. But before I could save it as my lock screen, I realized it would blow my secret, and tears came for a different reason.

When I wasn’t at the cabin, I was trying not to lose my shit at work. We were so busy, and I was feeling the brunt of it. With autumn and fall colors creeping in, a new onslaught of tourists visited for pumpkin spice lattes.

With Kaylee teaching yoga at the community center, selling pottery at the farmers’ market, and opening an additional drive-thru coffee shack, I oversaw everything at the brick-and-mortar location. The stress of hiding my relationship with Carson and managing my business wore down my body, something I hadn’t experienced since my burnout at Rise-N-Grind in Boston. Having Moose around the shop helped with stress relief, but some days, I’d come home wanting to cry or collapse.

Kaylee came bouncing in early September with agorgeousrock on her finger. I was genuinelyhappyfor her and tackled her to the ground with girlish squeals before Azalea joined us.

Later in the month, I arrived at her engagement party alone. It was in Markos and Maxine’s backyard, with half the town. The vibe was casual, so I wore my black leather motorcycle jacket and black boots with velvet roses embroidered on the ankles. My mom sent them as an early birthday present. My hair was down in curls, and I put on a dark red lip since it was autumn, and I felt I could rock it.

I knew, being the hunter he was, Carson clocked me before I found him in the crowd, but when I did, my entire body buzzed as he dashed a look at me and licked his lips. His muscular shoulders were shrouded in a green flannel, and his beard traveled to a knit beanie hat. As Poe would say, he looked like a lumbersnack.

Standing beside Bear with a beer, he angled his head toward the forest. I slowly shook mine. I already fucked him at one of Kaylee’s parties, and it would berudeto do it again. Plus, we were at his parent’s house. With my refusal, he cocked an eyebrow and tipped his beer to his lips.

I flipped my hair over my shoulder and turned to focus on Azalea. Eventually, Noah came to talk to her, then Dane floated over. I hadn’t spoken much to Dane since the solstice bash. He came in for coffee several times a week, usually with various tourists warming his bed, so I didn’t feel bad for ghosting him. Carson was right about him.

Before he could launch into small talk, a cackle snapped the air. It was Kaylee arriving with another woman. She looked like a pixie with hot pink hair, a swoop nose, and a tiny frame. They both swatted at each other, trying to sober from laughter. She pinched Kaylee’s butt, which made her laugh even more before she made her way to Harley’s arms.

---