Page 119 of Lucky Shot
He follows me into the living room, and I fall onto the couch. He sits next to me, and I flick on the television. I don’t take long choosing something because I really don’t care right now. It’s unlikely that I’m going to watch it, anyway.
My thoughts drift. Sometimes to the game. Sometimes I see Pretty right in front of me. A phantom. Like all those times I could imagine seeing his mage at the end of my bed. I can hear his voice, the brush of his breath on my neck.
I blink back into the present when I feel Sid’s hand on my leg. Looking at him, he gives me a small smile and nudges his shoulder with mine. Offering comfort. I’m not sure if I want comfort but I give him a weak smile in return.
Pretty is 30,000 miles in the air probably. Moving further and further away from me. I pretend that doesn’t hurt at all.
Sid shifts on the couch until he’s facing me, one of his arms draped across the back behind my head. “Want to talk about it?” he asks.
I raise a brow. “No. Why?”
He chuckles. “People are always on about talking shit out. Thought I’d ask.”
“Right,” I say. I study his face and contemplate whether now is a good time to bring up the fact that he’s acted like he doesn’t like Pretty. He’s open to talking. Apparently.
Before I manage to ask, his mouth is on mine. I freeze, my eyes shooting wide. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is going on right now?! A beat passes before my confusion breaks and I shove him away.
“What are you doing?!” I demand.
Sidney laughs, shifting closer and I lean away. “Kissing you.”
Yes. Brilliant answer. State the fucking obvious. “Why?”
He doesn’t respond as he looks at me. As if I should already know the answer to my own question. “Seriously, what the fuck? My boyfriend leaves and you think it’s a good time to kiss me?”
The somewhat amused and maybe flirty expression drains. “Boyfriend?” he asks, warily.
“Do you live under a rock? Yes. My boyfriend.”
His mouth opens and closes for a minute. “I thought this was just a summer thing. Carrying over from the yacht trip you do every year.”
“No,” I say and get up. “What’s wrong with you? Is this why you’ve been an ass to him? Because you wanted to kiss me? And let’s back up to that. Since when do you want to kiss me? I had no idea you liked guys.”
I like to think I’m pretty good about identifying queer men. Even those that are in the closet. But I just didn’t see Sidney as one of them.
He sighs and leans back. “Sorry.”
“That’s not an answer to anything I just fucking asked, man.”
Sid laughs but there’s no humor behind it. “I just thought… I mean, you’re gay, so I thought maybe…”
“Because I’m gay you think I’m down for kissing any guy just because they’re a fucking guy? Are you really that much of a dick?”
He winces. “No. It’s not like I’m into guys. I mean… you, yeah. I guess I thought you knew that.”
I shake my head in disbelief. There’s a small chance that I’m fucking oblivious to some people. Perhaps Sid was always one of them.
“I didn’t think you and Noah were going to work out,” he says. “He plays for Miami. He lives across the continent. How can you possibly make that work? I’m sorry. I misjudged the whole thing.”
“I’m going to ignore all of that bullshit train of thought right there and get back to the fact that you knew I was upset that he had to leave, and you still somehow thought it was okay to kiss me.”
Sidney sighs, dropping his face into his hands. “I’m realizing that everything I say is going to sound like I’m a royal douche.”
“I’m thinking that maybe you are.”
He winces. Nods. After a beat, he gets to his feet. “I’m sorry.”
I watch him leave, irritated. Frustrated. Still so fucking sick to my stomach about Pretty leaving, and now Sid just added acid to that feeling.
