Page 33 of Lucky Shot
PrettyInLace:Oh, that’s fine. I practically slept through lunch and I’m still feeling dead. Want to help me trap some pixies real quick?
DemiDefenseKip:Yep. I know where there’s a whole hoard of them.
PrettyInLace:Is that what a group of pixies is called? A hoard?
DemiDefenseKip:In this game, yes.
PrettyInLace:Huh. They’re such vain creatures, I’d think they’d be called a pride. Like a lion’s pride.
DemiDefenseKip:I think it’s hoard because they tend to hoard shit. Like dragons. They steal anything shiny and keep it stashed away.
PrettyInLace:Ah. I knew the divine would have an answer.
DemiDefenseKip:Ha!
PrettyInLace:Okay, if you could be anyone in real life, who would you be?
DemiDefenseKip:Like a celebrity or a dead person?
PrettyInLace:Haha, no. I just meant, if you could choose your own destiny, right down to every single detail, who would you be? Or would you stay who you are?
DemiDefenseKip:Ah. Well… I don’t know.
PrettyInLace:I was thinking about this today. I have a pretty privileged life but even that kind of life has its drawbacks. So I’ve been wondering if I’d choose something different. It’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s just that sometimes, I want to… be someone else? I don’t really know how to describe it.
DemiDefenseKip:I get that. I guess… Ideally, I don’t know that I’d change my profession but maybe the world around me, if that makes sense. I don’t hate who I am and while I think there are aspects about myself that make life a little more challenging, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. What I’d like to change is the impossible expectations that a gay man in my profession is supposed to fulfill. Like, we need to keep everything under wraps. It’s one thing to be gay and let the world know that… but as long as they can pretend that you’re not, then it’s fine. But the second you have a partner or something, suddenly you have a gay agenda and want to shove your gayness down everyone’s throats.
PrettyInLace:Oh, fuck, I couldn’t have painted a more accurate picture. I suppose that’s true of any profession, no? You can be the token gay boy that your company wants to flaunt as proof that they’re inclusive and shit but fuck you if you think that you’re allowed to have a gay lifestyle. Suddenly, you’re being *too* gay!
DemiDefenseKip:haha right?!
PrettyInLace:I think I’d choose a different life altogether. I think I’d want to be some anonymous Joe who lives in a big city where no one knows my name, and no one cares what I do with my time. No one looks at me twice as I walk down the street. I think I’d want my career to be something that takes me around the world. Maybe a photographer? I’d live in a high rise so I always had a view.
PrettyInLace:Do you want kids?
DemiDefenseKip:Oh, fuck no. Kids are fine as long as they’re not mine. But man, THEY NEVER GO AWAY.
PrettyInLace:Hahahahahaha.
DemiDefenseKip:Seriously. They’re always your responsibility. You can’t just wake up one day and hang them in the closet because you need a break.
PrettyInLace:Omg the visual!
DemiDefenseKip:lol. But I mean it. Everything in life you can quit if you really want to and it won’t always follow you around, announcing that you’re a shitty person. But if, one day, you decide you no longer want to be a parent, no matter what you do to change that situation, you’re a shitty person. I’m just not cut out to have someone else’s life in my hands 24/7 for the rest of my life. I don’t want that kind of responsibility.
PrettyInLace:At least you can admit that. So many people can’t.
DemiDefenseKip:What about you?
PrettyInLace:Well now that you’ve scared the shit out of me…
DemiDefenseKip:lol sorry.
PrettyInLace:Honestly, I waffle on it a lot. I’m an only child and sometimes I think that’s because my parents poured everything they had into me. Into what I wanted and what that demanded of them. I’m not sure I could be that sacrificing. Everyone always says ‘it’s different when it’s your own’ but I don’t know if I really believe that. I didn’t exactly grow up selfish but I *feel* selfish in that I don’t want to give up everything for a tiny human. Then there are days when I think I really want a child, but I’m terrified that I’d be an awful parent.
DemiDefenseKip:I think most people feel that way, Pretty. You can spend your entire life learning how to properly parent, but all those lessons and techniques are based on ideal situations. No two children are alike, and you’d likely find yourself in a situation you’re unprepared for. What I can say is that most parents learn to adapt and they’re not awful parents.
PrettyInLace:I guess. Then there’s the debate on how many to have. As an only child, I always wanted a sibling. But I also can’t imagine that I’d have been happy with one. THEN, as if there needs to be even more factors, as a gay man, we have irritating decisions to make. Adoption? Surrogacy? And if we choose surrogacy, how do we determine which of us gets to procreate?
