Page 60 of Lucky Shot
“What about you?” I ask. “No girlfriend?”
His attention shifts back to me. “Some people aren’t meant for others.”
“Don’t do that,” I say. “There’s someone out there for you.”
His answering ‘hmm’ isn’t an agreement in the least.
“I didn’t know that you wanted to be with someone,” I tell him.
“My parents recently divorced,” he says. “My mother is… a piece of shit.” I’m not sure what words he’d avoided saying, but my eyes widened at that. I had no idea he had issues with his mother. “My siblings and I moved with Dad.”
“Aren’t you all adults?” I ask.
He shrugs. “The whole ordeal—the split, the truth of who’s allowed to be together, how the entire thing has affected my brothers—I’ve realized that maybe the ideal isn’t made for those who are different. People like me.” He gives me a very serious look. “You know I’m clinically diagnosed as a sociopath, right?”
I wince, eyes widening. “No. I didn’t know that.”
“Since I was a kid, I’ve held the diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is just a fancy way of saying sociopath. My mother always tried to make me hide it. To actnormal. My father refused to let me put on an act, insisting that I just be me. If the world has an issue with that, that’s their problem. Not mine.”
My mouth is open now and I shake my head in disbelief. But no words come to me.
“Sorry, I thought you knew.” I shake my head again. “Anyway. Yeah. I’m not normal. If my mother can’t love a sociopath, how can someone else?”
“I feel really stupid,” I tell him.
Loren frowns. “Why?”
“Because I complain about people only wanting me for how I look and there are people who suffer from far worse.”
“Being a sociopath?”
“No,” I say, laughing. “Your mother. I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” Loren shrugs. “Don’t be. I don’t have the capacity to be upset about it. While I’m irritated and murderous over how she treats my brothers…” He shrugs again. “I think my point in telling you this is that—" His words cut off and he frowns. “Maybe I don’t know why I told you. Because you say there’s someone out there for me, but not even my mother can love me the way I am? Maybe I need you to tell me I’m wrong.”
“You are wrong,” I say and then hope I didn’t just speak out of my ass. I move around the island and wrap my arms around him. Which I can tell startles him since he literally turns to a fucking stone. So I hug him tighter. “Look. You’re weird and slightly terrifying. But you’re still one of my favorite people. I swear, there’s someone out there who will love the fuck out of you.”
“Even if I don’t have the capacity to love them back?” he asks quietly. “I don’t have the same emotional wheelhouse you do.”
“Do you want to be with someone?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer right away. “Maybe? I enjoy life with my siblings and father but… I feel like maybe I’ll get lonely. Bored. I do bad things when I’m bored.”
“Wrap your arms around me,” I tell him. He does, but he’s still stiff. “Some things, like physical comfort, you can learn. Maybe not learn to like, but learn how to respond to someone else’s needs. But yes, I think that there will still be someone in the world to love you, Loren.”
“Like your boyfriend who sees through your pretty face.”
“He hasn’t seen my face,” I admit. “That’s probably why I’m falling for him fast. He sees me. I bare everything to him. I don’t pretend to be this hockey persona that the world knows. When we talk, I tell him the truth. All of it. And he still wants me.”
“I should find someone online,” he muses. “I will meet your guy.”
“Don’t touch him, Loren,” I warn, squeezing him.
“I won’t. As long as he doesn’t hurt you.”
I grin, despite hearing the chill in his voice. “You don’t need to be able to love someone,” I tell him, hugging him tightly again. “Your loyalty is like a vice grip. And it never lets go. I think you’ll find someone who values that more than love. Love can be fickle. But your loyalty? It’s infinite.”
NINETEEN
