Page 2 of A Game of Survival

Beep. . . Beep. . . Beep. . . Beep. . .

I'm not even sure if I'm alive anymore. How can I be? My heart has been ripped so viciously from my chest and I have no idea how to get it back. The only thing letting me know that it isn't just some horrible nightmare is the searing pain still burning through my shoulder from Vinny’s knife. The flash back of Cole’s blood plastered across my body and his own as I watched the life slip slowly from his eyes are haunting my every thought and when I finally give into exhaustion, I'm plagued with nightmares of Teddy, alone and scared somewhere screaming for me to find him. I can’t cope. I’ve come to realize that if the heartbreak from losing my son doesn’t kill me, the exhaustion will.

I've been occupying the same chair for the last two days now, slumped against the bed holding onto Cole’s lifeless hand, as if I were to let go, he would surely disappear. After my last panic attack, I haven’t yet been allowed to leave the hospital, my wound from Vinny’s blade became infected so I’m still on a course of IV antibiotics and having to monitor the stitches, but I was allowed to leave my room after Silas threatened to slit the doctors throat if he didn’t let me see Cole, and this is where I’ve been since. I feel like I have nothing left to give anymore. I’m not even thinking straight at this point. I know my thoughts are no longer rational, but if there's one thing I know for certain, it’s that this man, mere breaths away from death, is the only man that knows where my son is. And the hope that he survives to tell me how to find him, is clinging to my last little bit of sanity.

My stomach cramps angrily, reminding me that I haven’t eaten for nearly three days. How can I when it seems so minor compared to everything else. I don’t have time to eat when I need to be there the second Cole wakes up, to be able to find out where Teddy is. The thought alone makes me feel nauseous and I have to lean forwards, placing my head against the cool metal bar of the hospital bed to ground myself, to steady my concentration on the feel of the cold metal against my skin. I take deep steadying breaths, willing the bile in my throat not to spill, letting the waves pass slowly before bringing my head back up and landing my gaze back on Cole. He looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping, even when he’s hurt. My eyes flicker to the bandages covering his gunshot wounds and a pain physically sears at my chest that he got hurt trying to protect my son. He’s here because of me. It was only yesterday that I found out that Cole had received emergency surgery to repair the bullet wounds and needed multiple blood transfusions due to his extensive blood loss. I heard Silas mention internal damage while on a phone call but he walked away from me as soon as he knew I was listening. Turns out I had gone into a complete state of shock by the time we arrived at the hospital and as soon as Cole was taken away, I collapsed into Linc’s arms. When I came round, I was lying on a bed with two male strangers standing over me who at the time I thought were attacking me, so I hit out on instinct, subsequently breaking one of their noses, which is why I ended up in restraints, so I’ve been told. I now know the two male nurses were trying to stitch up my shoulder, but I don’t for a second feel bad about my reaction. I blacked out again not long after. In all that time, Cole still had not come round from his anesthesia.

I have sat and tortured myself, constantly replaying every single little detail since leaving the club and writing that note for Silas, to being brought here, just to pinpoint where it all went wrong, to scrutinize my choices in going alone. I should have known it would have been a trap, little did I know to what extent. I should have just let Vinny take me and then this would never have happened. I would never have lost Teddy, at least we would be together, and Cole would not have to die for me. And where was Max when everything was happening? I can’t allow myself to believe that he was working against us, he loved Teddy like he was his own, he would never knowingly put him in danger, but where is he? He should be here with me, helping us find Teddy. I have a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I can only hope that wherever Max and Teddy are, they are together somehow so neither of them are alone. My heart cracks open even more at the thought of my little boy all alone with a monster I can not save him from.

I can feel the now familiar pull of the drugs in my system, calming me down as the morbid intrusive thoughts plague my mind. I’ve come to the conclusion that I must have lashed out more than once after the incident, I’m almost certain the hospital is drugging me to calm me down, to keep me sane, can’t say I blame them. Distraught and hysterical, they are the words I heard Lincoln use over the phone two nights ago when he thought I was sleeping. Well that's no longer the case. No, now I'm just empty, broken, a shell of my former self. I have no more tears left to cry, not anymore. Now all I have is a burning hole of despair, cracking open my chest, leaving me with such heartache I don’t know if I'll ever survive it.

I can’t think of Teddy, the pain is too excruciating. More so than anything I suffered under the hands of my ex husband. I would endure his hands every day for the rest of my life if it meant I’d see my son safe again. My chest aches so painfully, I find myself gasping for breath at the smallest of triggers. I have no phone thanks to Vinny, so no connections. Not that I’d know who to call. I have nobody, I’m alone here despite the guard they have outside the door when they leave to run their business. I guess they’re not stupid enough to leave me unprotected while their brother lies close to death in a hospital bed. Not after the attack we all just suffered. This is personal, I can feel it. But why my son? Why me? I try to think back to what Vinny said before he tried to...I can feel it, my throat closing in, my breath becoming weak, my chest becoming tight. I scratch at the skin around my neck as if to loosen the rope that's tightening around me, but my hands are empty. I’m panicking again and I can’t stop it from swarming me, my breaths are ragged and my vision is darkening at the edges. The room is disappearing around me. Maybe this is all just a nightmare and Teddy will be here when I wake up.

Chapter 2

Silas

Rain descends outside the windows of my office, colliding with the ground. I find the sound comforting. It reminds me that even nature can shatter just as we can. That everything is ever changing. The feeling of despair is something that I have grown used to, but seeing that darken the light of Lucille’s radiance ripped my soul apart.

Looking around the room, everything seems pointless, none of it matters anymore. Remembering the hollowed look on Lucille's face everytime I see her has my chest caving in as she visibly wastes away before me in that hospital. Lucille was hysterical and devastated as any good mother would be. But when I arrived at the hospital, the bastards had her restrained and although I understand exactly the reasons why, they didn't have my authorization to do it and that makes me fucking furious. They will be dealt with in due course. I can see the trauma that has been inflicted on her, it weighs heavy on her soul, like a dark rain cloud clinging to her once bright light. I have a guard stationed at the door to Cole’s hospital room at all times, and though I won’t admit it out loud, I'm worried out of my mind that she’ll do something stupid if Cole doesn't wake up soon, or if, Dio non voglia,God forbid, we don't find Teddy. My heart breaks alongside hers every second I have to see the pain she’s living in. It's the reason I am here, back at the helm of our syndicate. The best thing I can do is to find Teddy and get our revenge. I need to be a better leader and show our enemies we are a force to be reckoned with. They may have slid in and infiltrated our ranks once but not twice. Over my dead body will I let this go without brutal and justified retribution. We will retaliate and get Teddy back. I just need to find out where they are holding Teddy and what exactly went down with Cole and Ronan. The latter is trickier, only two people know what actually happened outside of that warehouse, one is Cole who is still unconscious and I fear will never wake up and the other is Ronan. The thought of losing Cole is something I try not to dwell on, I can’t go down that way of thinking. It won’t do anybody any good and I'm not sure the grief I would feel would be easily contained. I fear I would eventually succumb to the darkness that seeps through my body and become the very monster my father created.

Pushing the thoughts out of my mind I look down to my watch. Lincoln and Felix left two hours ago, following some leads on Ronan’s men. Since the showdown, they have been working tirelessly to track down anyone associated with Ronan, Felix the tech savvy go to who has been hot on pinning locations down for Ronans known associates, and Linc who has become even more of an unwavering force of brutality than he ever was before. Unfortunately, through all of their efforts, Ronan and his men have seemingly gone underground like the rats they are. Hiding deep in the sewers, only coming up to feast on the vulnerable.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, startling me from my thoughts. Pulling the device into the palm of my hand, I look at the screen, frowning as I see the caller ID. This is a surprise. A welcomed one I must add. I answer without any hesitation.

"Nicholas, brother. How are you?" I greet.

"Silas, I’m good, thank you. Your lawyer, Miss Lewis, has worked her magic." Nicholas says. His voice is hopeful. I don't think I've ever heard him sound that way, I can almost hear the smile as he speaks.

"You’re welcome, old friend. I told you I'd sort it. When do you get out?" I ask, even though I already know the answer after having my own update on Nicholas’s release paperwork from Miss Lewis this morning. I want to hear him say the news. He is a good man, he deserved every bit of good news he can get. I’m just glad I could bring this day forward for him as someone I know I can trust. Afterall, I don't have many of those in this city.

"One week. They have some paperwork to do but that's the date they have my release set for."

"And what do you plan to do once you are out, Fratello?" I ask, hoping he'll agree to take up my offer of work I laid out for him while we were sharing a cell together in the state jail. We spoke about his future many times but he was not one to look too far beyond his time in jail. He used to tell me he didn't like to dwell on what may never be. I guess I know that feeling now. I can’t see past today for fear of what will never be.

"I need to find my sister, but then if your offer still stands, I owe you and I think I could be of use to your team," he says.

"You know Nicholas, I would love nothing more. Get your family sorted, a job will be waiting when you're ready." I assure him.

"Thanks, Si. I gotta go, my time’s up. Speak soon." He hangs up before I have a chance to say more. He’ll be a valued member of the club on his release. Returning my phone back to my pocket, I allow myself a rare smile and continue to check over the club’s accounts. These numbers won’t shift themselves.

I’ve spent the last couple of hours scrolling through spreadsheets, ensuring all the numbers are adding up and checking stock is accounted for when I'm interrupted by a knock at the door, completely caught off guard by the amount of time that’s passed by without me realizing. Frowning, rubbing my fingers into my eyes, I grunt for whomever it is to come in.

Felix stands at the door, I raise my eyebrows at him in question.

"Boss, we have someone downstairs who might have some answers for us. Lincoln is starting the interrogation. He sent me to come and get you," he explains.

I nod slowly, pursing my lips as I urge away the headache blossoming behind my eyes. "I'll be down in a moment, Felix. Man the security while we are indisposed. I want to ensure the prisoner has our full attention."

Felix nods, "Yes, Boss," before leaving the room.

I remove my suit jacket and place it on the back of my chair, before rolling up my white shirt sleeves, exposing the extensive designs of tattoos that mark their way up my arms. I don't want to get my designer suit soiled with blood, it's a bitch to get out. Making my way down to the basement to join Lincoln, I can't ignore the tense feeling working its way through my body. I need answers and this might be our only chance to find them. I can feel the red mist descending on me even before entering the room, and I can almost smell the blood before I’ve spilt it. I hope this individual knows what they’ve let themselves in for.

Turning the brass handle, I open the door to find Lincoln looming over our guest with his back to me, not failing to notice the way his fists clench at his sides with blood dripping from the knuckles. A feral grin spreads across my face as I watch Linc continue to pummel his fists into the wailing man, undisturbed by my arrival until he spins around, having knocked the man unconscious as we exchange a knowing look. “What's his name?” I ask

“Seamus” Linc spits, lifting his chin towards the body slumping across the floor.

It doesn’t take long for Seamus to cough himself back to consciousness and I take up the space Lincoln held before, kneeling to eye level with his semi-conscious body. Now my fun begins. I lose myself immediately to the darkness, the monster our enemies all fear has come out to play. Before I know what is happening, I have our guest by the throat, slamming him into the wall. All of my anger and hatred is surfacing, and I can't stop what happens next. Blood smears the walls, my knuckles are split open and hands covered in thick crimson red liquid. I am barely aware of my surroundings as I look down at the man in front of me. I inflict another blow to my victim's jaw, making it crack on impact. Normally I would feel the satisfaction from the sound but not today, not for the past 72 hours. Not since Teddy was taken. Not since my brother was left for dead by those bastards. I flinch as I feel a hand touch my shoulder. It's as though I'm in a fog and I can't see clearly. I swing my fist only to be blocked.

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