Page 21 of A Game of Survival

In a trance-like state, I begin to explain everything that has happened since the last time I spoke to Kat, detailing everything from Lincoln’s father being the reason Vinny showed up, to Max and Teddy being taken by my own step-father, to Cole being shot and then walking out on us and Max turning up at my apartment almost beaten to death. Kats reaction to this was horrifying so I made sure to reassure her that he is fine after Linc basically saved his life by calling in a private doctor after I accused him of trying to kill him. And then finally, I explain the phone call that Silas received before I came over. The phone call that was such a matter of urgency that he and Lincoln needed to leave immediately, refusing to take me with them and so here I am. Other than her outburst as I told her about Max, she stays quiet the whole time, holding my hands in her own and delivering reassuring squeezes every now and again when she realizes I’m finding it too hard to get the words out.

I think I've managed to cover everything when I finally breathe out, feeling like a huge monumental weight has been lifted from my chest at the thought of no longer having to deal with this alone. I force myself to meet her gaze again, only to realize, maybe I was not the only one who needed comforting as I relived the events of the last few days. Kat’s face is tear-stained and swollen with eyes so puffy and red she looks like she’s been crying for just as long as I have. The sight forms a guilty knot in the pit of my stomach.

“Teddy,” she sobs, “do they think that he’s alive?”

The question itself makes my stomach churn again, tightening that fast growing tangle of anxiety, fear and guilt tearing up my insides. On what earth is that a question you should ever have to ask your best friend, or anybody for that matter? Is your child still alive? Have his kidnappers killed him? I have to believe that he is alive. It’s the only thing that’s keeping me going right now. The promising thought that I’ll have him back in my arms again soon.

Scrunching my eyes closed as I try to banish the thoughts that conjure themselves from the darkest corners of my imagination, I answer her with much more confidence in my voice than I truly feel. “Max told us that Ronan wants to groom him to take over the business.” I say firmly, as if to convince myself more than anything else. “I believe he is alive and I believe they will keep him alive too.” I add. Kats grasp on my hands tightens and just as she opens her mouth to say whatever she thought might comfort me, the door behind us opens, making us both jump up to our feet. Isabella stands in the door frame for a beat, yawning, before her eyes grow wide when she looks over at me.

“Auntie Luci,” she screams excitedly as her whole face lights up. She runs towards me into my already outstretched arms and lunges herself into my chest.

“Baby girl,” I whisper into her hair. “I’ve missed you so, so much.”

“Is Teddy here, too?” she asks, causing the air in my lungs to expel. I squeeze her hard then bring her back to an arms length in front of me while I run my fingers over her head, hair, cheeks, taking in every beautiful feature of her innocent face.

“No baby, he’s not.” That's all I can manage. I feel Kat place her hand onto my shoulder in a comforting gesture before she clears her throat, grabbing Isabella’s attention.

“Come on sweetheart, let's get you back to bed.” Kat sighs, holding out her hand for her to take but she does not move.

“Auntie Luci, will you put me to bed?” She asks, smiling wide from ear to ear with her eyes large and round, mimicking the cat from Shrek. The look reminds me so much of Teddy when he asks for chocolates before bed time, something he knows he shouldn’t have, but when he looks at me like that, he knows he’s won me over instantly. I close my eyes, capturing the memory before I sweep her up off the floor and cradle her into my arms.

“Of course my sweet baby Bella, I will put you to bed.” I agree, turning to Kat who simply looks at me and nods with raw sympathy nestled deep within her eyes.

I wrap Bella up under the comforter of her princess castle bed and kiss her gently against her hair, making sure to tuck her favorite teddy in next to her and give them a kiss too.

“Goodnight angel,” I whisper.

“Will Teddy be back tomorrow?” she asks, completely oblivious to the full impact her question has upon my heart. It’s all I can do to keep my resolve in check, I will not break in front of her. I close my eyes and take a breath.

“He’ll be back soon,” I say, forcing a small smile for her hopeful gleaming eyes. “Now, the sooner you sleep, the sooner you can see him.” I promise, for I know that to be true, wishing only I could just sleep the days away until my knights can bring him back to me. Isabella yawns and closes her eyes, sighing heavily as I stroke my fingers gently through her hair, the way Teddy likes me to when he is falling asleep in my arms.

“I love you, Auntie Luci,” she mumbles quietly, before her breathing becomes deeper and her lips part ever so slightly as she dreams of a world so less fucked up than it really is. I place another gentle kiss against the top of her head and whisper my I love you before quietly slipping out of the room.

When I make my way back into the lounge, Kat has a steaming mug of coffee already waiting for me in her outstretched hand. “Thought you might need this,” she offers with a small smile.

“Thank you. Is it alright if I stay the night?” I ask, slumping myself back onto the couch and pulling a cushion into my lap for comfort, something I’ve done ever since I left Vinny everytime I’m feeling anxious or insecure. I don’t know what it is about it being there, but it makes me feel more secure. Like that cushion, or blanket could protect me from harm and without it, I’m left feeling fully exposed and vulnerable.

“I’ve already pulled you out some of my pajamas, girl. You were never leaving, even if you wanted to.” Kat smiles at me over the rim of her coffee mug.

“I can’t be here when Bella wakes up in the morning though. That was hard… I can’t…”

Kats hand on my knee stops me before my lip starts to quiver. “I know,” is all she says. “Also, I want you to take this,” she offers, retrieving a small black flip phone from the pocket of her jeans. I eye it warily for a moment, and her, before picking the phone up and flipping it around in my palm.

“Kat, is this a burner phone?” I ask, raising my eyebrows to her, but she simply shrugs her shoulders like it’s no big deal.

“You never know when you might need one Lucille. But right now you need a phone so I’m giving it to you. I’ve already put your three amigos’ numbers in for you, as well as Max’s and my own so you’re ready to go,” she trails on, like it's no big deal that she has a second phone ready to hand like this. It’s like something my so-called three amigos should have already given me. Come to think of it, why haven’t they? I’ll be sure to bring it up to them tomorrow.

“Stop overthinking it, babe. My dad gave it to me in case I ever needed it a long time ago. I've kept it topped up and until now, I’ve never had a use for it so it’s yours.”

I’m still skeptical. Why would her dad give her a phone in case she ever needed it. Kat never has explained much to me about her family. Whenever we’ve raised the subject of parents in the past, she just said there were always differences in the way they believed things should be handled and me being the non-intrusive person that I am, I never questioned her anymore on it. I slip the phone into my pocket and take a long sip on my coffee, trying not to think that my best friend could also be hiding secrets of her own.

The rest of the evening passes by in somewhat of a blur. Kat tries desperately to take my mind off Teddy by putting old reruns of RuPaul's Drag Race on the TV, something we used to watch religiously when the kids were babies, as that and strong black coffee were the only things that would get us through those long sleepless nights. But before long, she switches the screen to mute and turns to face me.

“Explain it all to me again. From the beginning. There must be something we’re missing. Something that could lead us back to where Ronan is keeping Teddy.”

I stare at her blankly for a heartbeat, but she’s right. I need to think, I need to try and process it all to see if anything sparks some sort of revelation. So I do, I repeat everything that has happened from the beginning and we sit for hours trying to pick apart every piece of information that I know, even Cole’s decision to detach himself from us, to just be reminded that we have little to no advantage on the situation at all. Wherever Teddy is, I just hope he’s holding on better than I am. We’ve rarely spent nights apart from each other, only when he has stayed over at Kat’s or Max’s for a sleepover, and even then I miss him so much it hurts. But this kind of hurt is deep rooted, something I fear I will never recover from.

We retire to bed eventually after I check in with Sully, who, under orders from Lincoln, is to stand guard at Kat’s front door for the entire night. The old me would have felt sympathy for him having to be out there all night, but now I just remind myself that that is his job, and it is men like him that are the reason my son is still missing and being groomed into some sort of fucking criminal mastermind. I shudder at the thought as I slide under the comforter on Kat’s bed.

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